at certain times of night, as our breathing starts to synchronize, we inevitably start thinking the same thing
Wondermark #1590; Breaking the Third Wall
![[[Kneeling in reverence, DODDI gazes up at FRANTHA, whose eyes dart about as she responds.]]
DODDI: It's getting LATE... Are you thinking what I'M thinking?
FRANTHA: MAYBE! That'd be fun!
FRANTHA: I'M thinking about how, in a PLAY, you could have a character lok out a WINDOW on stage... They could use their phone to FILM something through the window, then PLAY IT BACK to show the other characters... And the recording could be a BIG MONSTER just outside the window! Because a SPECIAL EFFECTS video could be PRE-LOADED on the actor's phone!
FRANTHA (continuing): Wouldn't THAT be a neat effect? Especially if the window frame from the SET was IN the shot! To fully SELL it, a line of dialogue could be BOTH delivered on stage, AND be in the video!
FRANTHA (her gaze landing on Doddi for the first time): I assume you're thinking about something along the same lines. Considering how STRESSED you've been about how REHEARSALS are going.
DODDI: NOW I'm thinking that there's no way for the audience to see the tiny little phone scren.
FRANTHA (eyes widening): He films it on an IPAD PRO! It becomes a CHARACTER CHOICE!
{{header: watch and marvel at WONDERMARK.COM}}](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreidfw3bmrcczsgrwpzrpi7r4kmo3xbniwswmcvjklgz64jxp5vastq)
Wondermark Comics
@wondermark.com
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Comics made from vintage images AKA "a collaboration with the dead" ⏪ archives now go back several years! browse!! 💻 site: wondermark.com 📖 books/merch: store.wondermark.com 🔩 card game! wondermark.com/bolted
![[[A man in an elaborate hat and leggings, WHIPSMARK, holding a book, speaks to a woman, BELDRA, peering through a lorgnette and holding a tiny dog.]]
WHIPSMARK: Did you just POST this about the late DINGO WOLFHEART?
WHIPSMARK: “Rest in poop to DUMBO WOLF FART. I’m glad he’s dead, but I’m sad I wasn’t there to watch it happen”
WHIPSMARK: “He will be mourned by other people who should ALSO all die soon. This is not a THREAT of any sort, simply a request to Santa Claus”
BELDRA: I have a bunch more in my drafts, if you’d care to see.
WHIPSMARK: I do NOT.
WHIPSMARK (sternly): Crass. Disrespectful. When I die, are you going to say terrible things about ME, too?
BELDRA: WELL
BELDRA (sliding into a smirking, gleeful side-eye): THAT DEPENDS
[[The dog side-eyes WHIPSMARK as well.]]
{{header: spend your days at WONDERMARK.COM}}](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreib6ufg4qie7mkdt3jhn67vphjrliztavi4tx4zmwvbpd4jtjbcbza)
![[[A woman, KYLEEN, whom attentive readers will remember from a previous comic, strolls with a man, BOYSWORTH, whom attentive readers will not remember because this is his first appearance, but who carries a cane.]]
KYLEEN: Did you catch the series finale of HEADSTABBERS UNIVERSITY?
BOYSWORTH: YEAH, I watch all that garbage.
BOYSWORTH: I don't envy their task of wrapping up so many story threads. The DEMIDUKE and the thing with the Waxwork Guillotine... bringing back the SKULL MERCHANT with a NEW DOG... I thought it was ALL RIGHT. Not great, but all right.
BOYSWORTH: Thinking back now, there was a HUGE missed opportunity. When KARLO went into SPACE... They could've done a whole "Charles Lindbergh ended up becoming a Nazi" thing! It would've RESONATED!
KYLEEN: Maybe that DID happen, but off-screen. We can IMAGINE it!
BOYSWORTH: I can't STOP imagining it! What a SMART twist that would have been! Oh well. It's OVER. Nothing to be done.
[[Kyleen joins her friend BRINDLA, whom attentive readers will also remember from her previous appearance in the series that introduced Kyleen.]]
BRINDLA: SO? Has he discovered fan fiction yet??
KYLEEN: SLOWLY! SLOWLY! His kind spook easily!
{{header: it all came together at WONDERMARK.COM}}](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreifa4oakrzwb6wv5rgxoarm7qjg3hmk6u2d3fkhndvmvzi5r7uakye)
![[[OTTO, this world's inveterate entrepreneur and hustler, is pitching a group of distinguished-looking people at a luncheon.]]
OTTO: ...The device is a water jet mounted INSIDE the toilet bowl.
OTTO: Using a simplified version of the same process used in metal parts fabrication... And fully submerged, to minimize SPLASHBACK... the jets SURGICALLY SLICE AND DICE all your solid waste.
OTTO: With today's low-flow, clog-prone toilet designs... This ensures ALL matter entering the toilet's narrow, winding plumbing is rendered smaller than regulation casino dice.
[[One of the listeners interjects with a comment.]]
LISTENER: To clarify, you mean the type used in...
LISTENER (eyes widening mischievously, while a companion snickers): CRAPS?
[[Otto, no longer at the luncheon, is greeted by DINGBOY, holding his usual pole.]]
DINGBOY: How'd the pitch go?
OTTO: They MOCK me, and I have to LAUGH ALONG! As if EXISTING plumbing solutions are SUFFICIENT for the gentleman of prodigious issue!!](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreigpdyetm5cmzy5qjpipdkjilfn2corjr35p5isg5dserj4vreggta)
![[[CHANDRA, a young girl, speaks with her mom, CHANDROLDA.]]
CHANDRA: I keep hearing so much about the injustice and unfairness of the world. TIME only goes forward. KIDS have to grow up. PETS aren't immortal.
CHANDROLDA: All less than ideal.
CHANDRA: I'm not sure what EXACTLY I can do to help, but I've started by writing a sternly worded letter.
CHANDROLDA: Oh?
CHANDROLDA: To whom?
CHANDRA: Well, the only one I KNOW reads his mail is SANTA. So I sent it to him and asked him to forward it internally](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreihoswg2ksj5po5o4imhzkh5tvssybclyfmckgz5zpprbttvqvqyum)
!["[[BLORNSWORTH slumps exhausted against a chair while CRANDIBLE lounges with his feet up.]]
BLORNSWORTH: Whoooffff. I just ate an entire jumbo bag of chips and I do NOT feel good about it
CRANDIBLE: Let me know if THIS makes you feel any better...
CRANDIBLE: Imagine all the loose chips from that jumbo bag.
CRANDIBLE: Now imagine them all mashed up into a SOLID LUMP of salt and carbs.
CRANDIBLE: How BIG would that lump be? ALL the chips in one giant mass?
CRANDIBLE: That's INSIDE you now. That's in your GUTS. That's what YOU put in there.
BLORNSWORTH (despairingly): That does NOT, in fact, make me feel better.
CRANDIBLE: I didn't think it would!
{{header: that dense, thick WONDERMARK.COM}}"](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreieimta2hachkmdxnu7pekfyung23x4zoqfofypniiatjtuqpmuxky)
![[[Jesus Christ, Lord of all humanity, speaks with the beautifully demonic fallen angel Lucifer, Prince of the Air, the one known as Satan, in the cavern-like bowels of Hell.]]
SATAN: Hey, Josh! Long time no see. What're you doing in this neck of the woods?
JESUS: Ah, you know, I got crucified last night.
SATAN: Bummer! Well, come in, the kids'll be thrilled to see their god-dad.
JESUS: Thanks, but I can't. I have to defeat you and return to life to save the souls of the world.
SATAN: Okay, well, make it quick, we're just sitting down to Passover seder.
JESUS: I'll swing wide, you just sell it.
{{header: break bread at WONDERMARK.COM}}](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreib573gwkpwbujk3mwmfalczwoy5j66dgv3bdchcyqamvb4f23tpiq)
![[[A woman, GERTRUDO, sits at the dinner table table with a young girl, TIFFANORIA, who is seated in a chair]]
GERTRUDO: Can you finish your veggies? Veggies help us grow up big and strong!
TIFFANORIA: GROW UP? Why would I want to do THAT? I'm good now!
GERTRUDO: I've got everything I need! I have YOUTUBE and my ROOM and all my STUFF... I get BOSSED AROUND a little, but that's not a bad tradeoff
GERTRUDO: You can do all kinds of things when you grow up! You can drive!
TIFFANORIA: I don't want to GO anywhere!
GERTRUDO: You can get a job and earn money!
TIFFANORIA: A JOB? That thing you HATE?
GERTRUDO: You can BECOME ANYTHING you want to be!
TIFFANORIA: I want to be ME, right NOW, right HERE!
TIFFANORIA: If you're contemplating DEPRIVING me of something to PUNISH me, I would consider that CRUEL.
GERTRUDO: I'm trying to figure out how to INSPIRE you to CARE about bettering yourself.
TIFFANORIA: I CAN'T "better" myself! I'm already GREAT!
{{start small at WONDERMARK.COM}}](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreih2i6t7hpmc25j4h7drd3b33t5do3lzcuscffmtvfpwlpjdisxbmy)
![[Two people sit on chairs in a home, a music playing device of some sort visible behind them.]
JORELLE: Jorban, can you turn on some soft Christmas music?
JORBAN: Sure, I can find a streaming channel
[The soft sounds of 'O Holy Night' fill the air.]
JORELLE: Ahhh...that's nice and relaxing.
[The music gives way to a commercial at top volume, bowling them both out of their seats]
RING IN THE NEW YEAR DOWN AND DIRTY WITH TOPLESS VODKA'S FULL-BREASTED FRIDAYS! COMING TO A SPORTS BAR NEAR YOU! SIX POINT NINE PIECES OF CHICKEN AND A WET T-SHIRT CONTEST FOR TEN COLD HARD SMACKEROONIES. CLICK THIS AD OR VISIT TOPLESS VODKA DOT BOOB FOR TOUR DATES! please drink responsibly
[The two peek out from behind the furniture as the channel resumes the music with 'Away in a Manger']
JORBAN: Just have the free plan.
JORELLE: I gathered](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreibuvqfpzjd5rr5xnk3sf4gtqphz4fwju3dqkxikpz2zjtschust54)
![[[two men are singing outside, caroling]]
left man: Jingle bells!
right man: Jingle bells!
both: Jingle them halfway!
left man: Oh what fun--
right man: What's wrong?
[[right man looks concerned]]
right man: Listen, man. I've been thinking. I know this is crazy, but hear me out.
right man: What if we -- this is gonna sound stupid--
right man: What if we jingled
right man: ALL the way?
[[LATER]]
[[both men are now nesltled among many large bags labeled with dollar signs]]
right man: Wooooo
{{header: oh what fun at WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: The future is written by the ones who follow the craziest ideas.}}](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreic3zgyl4ogga4rkv2in6eanrya4ztxdyvqrhaqsqf4cktk3w2cpwi)
![DAD (to girl sitting on the ground): How's the homework coming?
DAD: Jamie? How's the otter report?
DAD: Jamie?
[The girl suddenly turns into a bat-headed creature] GRAARRR!
DAD: Oh, hey, Deimos. Thought you were Jamie.
DEIMOS: She's in the family room.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:r3jhbncpebnyeposo7cmqczc/bafkreifsusviuqwsotxxofigu5pof6dkji5wpczgh5ge47aavjzwewbqxu)
![Apronni speaks further with the little bird, who is perched on his sill.
APRONNI: You’re really THE bird! The little bird who tells people things! WOW! I hear about you all the time! This is incredible!
BIRD (setting a straw hat jauntily upon his little bird head): Yeah, well, I got fifty thousand more tidbits to tell people before 9PM, so…
APRONNI: Is it — JUST you? ALWAYS? There isn’t a little bird corps? You’re THE little bird?
BIRD: I used to have a lizard and a raccoon helping me out too, but it muddled the brand.
[CUT AWAY TO: A new man, Cuthbert, addresses his coworker]
CUTHBERT: ’Morning, Jerbert! A weird raccoon told me your daughter’s about to graduate from kindergarten!
JERBERT: You are never to talk TO or OF my family EVER AGAIN
[BACK TO SCENE]
APRONNI: Sure, I can see that.
APRONNI: But WHY do you go around telling people things? What’s your angle?
BIRD: Right now I’m just building up a dedicated user base. I’ll probably pivot to a freemium model later](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreiei3yxkrq2uif26cp6l2yrnmuagbrb3opj2bxkaogxrlnmxlcalye)
