at certain times of night, as our breathing starts to synchronize, we inevitably start thinking the same thing
Wondermark #1590; Breaking the Third Wall
![[[Kneeling in reverence, DODDI gazes up at FRANTHA, whose eyes dart about as she responds.]]
DODDI: It's getting LATE... Are you thinking what I'M thinking?
FRANTHA: MAYBE! That'd be fun!
FRANTHA: I'M thinking about how, in a PLAY, you could have a character lok out a WINDOW on stage... They could use their phone to FILM something through the window, then PLAY IT BACK to show the other characters... And the recording could be a BIG MONSTER just outside the window! Because a SPECIAL EFFECTS video could be PRE-LOADED on the actor's phone!
FRANTHA (continuing): Wouldn't THAT be a neat effect? Especially if the window frame from the SET was IN the shot! To fully SELL it, a line of dialogue could be BOTH delivered on stage, AND be in the video!
FRANTHA (her gaze landing on Doddi for the first time): I assume you're thinking about something along the same lines. Considering how STRESSED you've been about how REHEARSALS are going.
DODDI: NOW I'm thinking that there's no way for the audience to see the tiny little phone scren.
FRANTHA (eyes widening): He films it on an IPAD PRO! It becomes a CHARACTER CHOICE!
{{header: watch and marvel at WONDERMARK.COM}}](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreidfw3bmrcczsgrwpzrpi7r4kmo3xbniwswmcvjklgz64jxp5vastq)
Wondermark Comics
@wondermark.com
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Comics made from vintage images AKA "a collaboration with the dead" ⏪ archives now go back several years! browse!! 💻 site: wondermark.com 📖 books/merch: store.wondermark.com 🔩 card game! wondermark.com/bolted
![[[A man in an elaborate hat and leggings, WHIPSMARK, holding a book, speaks to a woman, BELDRA, peering through a lorgnette and holding a tiny dog.]]
WHIPSMARK: Did you just POST this about the late DINGO WOLFHEART?
WHIPSMARK: “Rest in poop to DUMBO WOLF FART. I’m glad he’s dead, but I’m sad I wasn’t there to watch it happen”
WHIPSMARK: “He will be mourned by other people who should ALSO all die soon. This is not a THREAT of any sort, simply a request to Santa Claus”
BELDRA: I have a bunch more in my drafts, if you’d care to see.
WHIPSMARK: I do NOT.
WHIPSMARK (sternly): Crass. Disrespectful. When I die, are you going to say terrible things about ME, too?
BELDRA: WELL
BELDRA (sliding into a smirking, gleeful side-eye): THAT DEPENDS
[[The dog side-eyes WHIPSMARK as well.]]
{{header: spend your days at WONDERMARK.COM}}](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreib6ufg4qie7mkdt3jhn67vphjrliztavi4tx4zmwvbpd4jtjbcbza)
![[[A woman, KYLEEN, whom attentive readers will remember from a previous comic, strolls with a man, BOYSWORTH, whom attentive readers will not remember because this is his first appearance, but who carries a cane.]]
KYLEEN: Did you catch the series finale of HEADSTABBERS UNIVERSITY?
BOYSWORTH: YEAH, I watch all that garbage.
BOYSWORTH: I don't envy their task of wrapping up so many story threads. The DEMIDUKE and the thing with the Waxwork Guillotine... bringing back the SKULL MERCHANT with a NEW DOG... I thought it was ALL RIGHT. Not great, but all right.
BOYSWORTH: Thinking back now, there was a HUGE missed opportunity. When KARLO went into SPACE... They could've done a whole "Charles Lindbergh ended up becoming a Nazi" thing! It would've RESONATED!
KYLEEN: Maybe that DID happen, but off-screen. We can IMAGINE it!
BOYSWORTH: I can't STOP imagining it! What a SMART twist that would have been! Oh well. It's OVER. Nothing to be done.
[[Kyleen joins her friend BRINDLA, whom attentive readers will also remember from her previous appearance in the series that introduced Kyleen.]]
BRINDLA: SO? Has he discovered fan fiction yet??
KYLEEN: SLOWLY! SLOWLY! His kind spook easily!
{{header: it all came together at WONDERMARK.COM}}](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreifa4oakrzwb6wv5rgxoarm7qjg3hmk6u2d3fkhndvmvzi5r7uakye)
![[[OTTO, this world's inveterate entrepreneur and hustler, is pitching a group of distinguished-looking people at a luncheon.]]
OTTO: ...The device is a water jet mounted INSIDE the toilet bowl.
OTTO: Using a simplified version of the same process used in metal parts fabrication... And fully submerged, to minimize SPLASHBACK... the jets SURGICALLY SLICE AND DICE all your solid waste.
OTTO: With today's low-flow, clog-prone toilet designs... This ensures ALL matter entering the toilet's narrow, winding plumbing is rendered smaller than regulation casino dice.
[[One of the listeners interjects with a comment.]]
LISTENER: To clarify, you mean the type used in...
LISTENER (eyes widening mischievously, while a companion snickers): CRAPS?
[[Otto, no longer at the luncheon, is greeted by DINGBOY, holding his usual pole.]]
DINGBOY: How'd the pitch go?
OTTO: They MOCK me, and I have to LAUGH ALONG! As if EXISTING plumbing solutions are SUFFICIENT for the gentleman of prodigious issue!!](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreigpdyetm5cmzy5qjpipdkjilfn2corjr35p5isg5dserj4vreggta)
![[[CHANDRA, a young girl, speaks with her mom, CHANDROLDA.]]
CHANDRA: I keep hearing so much about the injustice and unfairness of the world. TIME only goes forward. KIDS have to grow up. PETS aren't immortal.
CHANDROLDA: All less than ideal.
CHANDRA: I'm not sure what EXACTLY I can do to help, but I've started by writing a sternly worded letter.
CHANDROLDA: Oh?
CHANDROLDA: To whom?
CHANDRA: Well, the only one I KNOW reads his mail is SANTA. So I sent it to him and asked him to forward it internally](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreihoswg2ksj5po5o4imhzkh5tvssybclyfmckgz5zpprbttvqvqyum)
!["[[BLORNSWORTH slumps exhausted against a chair while CRANDIBLE lounges with his feet up.]]
BLORNSWORTH: Whoooffff. I just ate an entire jumbo bag of chips and I do NOT feel good about it
CRANDIBLE: Let me know if THIS makes you feel any better...
CRANDIBLE: Imagine all the loose chips from that jumbo bag.
CRANDIBLE: Now imagine them all mashed up into a SOLID LUMP of salt and carbs.
CRANDIBLE: How BIG would that lump be? ALL the chips in one giant mass?
CRANDIBLE: That's INSIDE you now. That's in your GUTS. That's what YOU put in there.
BLORNSWORTH (despairingly): That does NOT, in fact, make me feel better.
CRANDIBLE: I didn't think it would!
{{header: that dense, thick WONDERMARK.COM}}"](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreieimta2hachkmdxnu7pekfyung23x4zoqfofypniiatjtuqpmuxky)
![[[Jesus Christ, Lord of all humanity, speaks with the beautifully demonic fallen angel Lucifer, Prince of the Air, the one known as Satan, in the cavern-like bowels of Hell.]]
SATAN: Hey, Josh! Long time no see. What're you doing in this neck of the woods?
JESUS: Ah, you know, I got crucified last night.
SATAN: Bummer! Well, come in, the kids'll be thrilled to see their god-dad.
JESUS: Thanks, but I can't. I have to defeat you and return to life to save the souls of the world.
SATAN: Okay, well, make it quick, we're just sitting down to Passover seder.
JESUS: I'll swing wide, you just sell it.
{{header: break bread at WONDERMARK.COM}}](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreib573gwkpwbujk3mwmfalczwoy5j66dgv3bdchcyqamvb4f23tpiq)
![[[A woman, GERTRUDO, sits at the dinner table table with a young girl, TIFFANORIA, who is seated in a chair]]
GERTRUDO: Can you finish your veggies? Veggies help us grow up big and strong!
TIFFANORIA: GROW UP? Why would I want to do THAT? I'm good now!
GERTRUDO: I've got everything I need! I have YOUTUBE and my ROOM and all my STUFF... I get BOSSED AROUND a little, but that's not a bad tradeoff
GERTRUDO: You can do all kinds of things when you grow up! You can drive!
TIFFANORIA: I don't want to GO anywhere!
GERTRUDO: You can get a job and earn money!
TIFFANORIA: A JOB? That thing you HATE?
GERTRUDO: You can BECOME ANYTHING you want to be!
TIFFANORIA: I want to be ME, right NOW, right HERE!
TIFFANORIA: If you're contemplating DEPRIVING me of something to PUNISH me, I would consider that CRUEL.
GERTRUDO: I'm trying to figure out how to INSPIRE you to CARE about bettering yourself.
TIFFANORIA: I CAN'T "better" myself! I'm already GREAT!
{{start small at WONDERMARK.COM}}](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreih2i6t7hpmc25j4h7drd3b33t5do3lzcuscffmtvfpwlpjdisxbmy)
![[Two people sit on chairs in a home, a music playing device of some sort visible behind them.]
JORELLE: Jorban, can you turn on some soft Christmas music?
JORBAN: Sure, I can find a streaming channel
[The soft sounds of 'O Holy Night' fill the air.]
JORELLE: Ahhh...that's nice and relaxing.
[The music gives way to a commercial at top volume, bowling them both out of their seats]
RING IN THE NEW YEAR DOWN AND DIRTY WITH TOPLESS VODKA'S FULL-BREASTED FRIDAYS! COMING TO A SPORTS BAR NEAR YOU! SIX POINT NINE PIECES OF CHICKEN AND A WET T-SHIRT CONTEST FOR TEN COLD HARD SMACKEROONIES. CLICK THIS AD OR VISIT TOPLESS VODKA DOT BOOB FOR TOUR DATES! please drink responsibly
[The two peek out from behind the furniture as the channel resumes the music with 'Away in a Manger']
JORBAN: Just have the free plan.
JORELLE: I gathered](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreibuvqfpzjd5rr5xnk3sf4gtqphz4fwju3dqkxikpz2zjtschust54)
![[[two men are singing outside, caroling]]
left man: Jingle bells!
right man: Jingle bells!
both: Jingle them halfway!
left man: Oh what fun--
right man: What's wrong?
[[right man looks concerned]]
right man: Listen, man. I've been thinking. I know this is crazy, but hear me out.
right man: What if we -- this is gonna sound stupid--
right man: What if we jingled
right man: ALL the way?
[[LATER]]
[[both men are now nesltled among many large bags labeled with dollar signs]]
right man: Wooooo
{{header: oh what fun at WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: The future is written by the ones who follow the craziest ideas.}}](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreic3zgyl4ogga4rkv2in6eanrya4ztxdyvqrhaqsqf4cktk3w2cpwi)
![Apronni speaks further with the little bird, who is perched on his sill.
APRONNI: You’re really THE bird! The little bird who tells people things! WOW! I hear about you all the time! This is incredible!
BIRD (setting a straw hat jauntily upon his little bird head): Yeah, well, I got fifty thousand more tidbits to tell people before 9PM, so…
APRONNI: Is it — JUST you? ALWAYS? There isn’t a little bird corps? You’re THE little bird?
BIRD: I used to have a lizard and a raccoon helping me out too, but it muddled the brand.
[CUT AWAY TO: A new man, Cuthbert, addresses his coworker]
CUTHBERT: ’Morning, Jerbert! A weird raccoon told me your daughter’s about to graduate from kindergarten!
JERBERT: You are never to talk TO or OF my family EVER AGAIN
[BACK TO SCENE]
APRONNI: Sure, I can see that.
APRONNI: But WHY do you go around telling people things? What’s your angle?
BIRD: Right now I’m just building up a dedicated user base. I’ll probably pivot to a freemium model later](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreiei3yxkrq2uif26cp6l2yrnmuagbrb3opj2bxkaogxrlnmxlcalye)
![A man in an apron, aptly named Apronni, addresses his coworker:
APRONNI: JULIORA! A little bird told me it was your birthday next Wednesday!
Juliora comes in to reply.
JULIORA: A little bird? Like, a BIRD bird? TALKED to you?
APRONNI: Yeah. Came to my window last night around eight.
Now we see a little pigeon perched on the sill of an open window. Apparently Apronni lives in a barn, or something like a barn? It’s not entirely clear.
BIRD: Pssst. Hey buddy. [Apronni enters.] She’s been looking at ski boots on Zappos. Do what you will with this information.
Back in the office now, flashback over.
JULIORA: Because I’VE seen a little bird too! It let me know when a Zumba class opened up in my area!
ENTREBERT (entering with his hands held a pigeon’s width apart): A little bird? About yea big? Knows a lot about when jeans go on sale? Yeah, I’ve seen ‘I’m!
APRONNI: I guess it must be the same little bird visiting everyone!
Cut back to the bird, still on the windowsill. Part of the flashback from earlier? It’s not entirely clear.
BIRD: I’m very tired](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreibsyythulynv4ub447jbqlnjqofsiykphmyxm7bf66duxcgjxopba)
![A farmer stands in front of a worker who is tending to a fruit tree. The farmer speaks to us, the viewer.
FARMER:
Halloween has gotten too corporate! Big Candy pushes its sugar-laden garbage as the only sensible choice compared to razor-bladed apples!
Another example of big business using its marketing muscle to destroy the small entrepreneur!
Well, guess what, Nestle? We only use genuine U.S. steel in our razor blades!
Each blade is lovingly tied to an emerging springtime blossom so that the apple grows around the blade seamlessly! Some things are still done by hand!
[He takes a bite of the apple, which CRUNCHES.] Ow! Aah!!
[Blood is now running down his chin.] Delicious!](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kihgsldesfdvdp7fi65m3m45/bafkreic3fzudn2jzun6aeozdapaohlcyh34ruxc35gfje45neevl4cdv5i)
