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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King

@weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social
915 followers 309 following 19K posts

Author, mammal www.weirdnoirmaster.com www.treadperilously.com www.rabbitandsnakepress.com

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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 3h
Why does the Cryptkeeper have a tire swing?
The mansion from HBO's Tales from the Crypt. In the foreground is a tire swing on a dead tree
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
Tweet from @hotgirlhala
"this does not help your cause" - guy who hates you and your cause
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
A skeet from YT saying "AI is like a disturbing onion and you keep running into the layer that's just 'I hate being a parent'"
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Somehow only the second worst hair in the movie
Michael's wonky-ass mask from H20
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
"Hang on, is that my therapist?!"
Michael Myers in Halloween
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
A still from 30 Rock with Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin) saying "I only pass gas once a year for an hour on top of a mountain in Switzerland."
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Uncle Mike
Michael Myers in Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
An image from Dougal Dixon's Man After Man showing a bizarre bulgy man that looks a lot like Elon Musk
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
that was close
A screenshot from the wikipedia bio of DC's Harley Quinn.

"Dini had several names in mind while naming the character, such as Columbine, and eventually settled on the name "Harley Quinn".[18] Dini chose the name for the character to be in line"
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Wilford Brimley as Blair in The Thing
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Eight more days till Halloween Halloween Halloween
A graphic showing that Halloween 3: Season of the Witch has a disgraceful 50% critic rating (rotten) and a 31% audience rating on rotten tomatoes
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Here's an unrelated image from s1 of TOS
A guy in a bunny suit. He's the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland and he's in season 1 of Star Trek (1966)
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
It's uncanny
Mr Ambrose, the librarian from Bob's BurgersKevin McDonald, of the comedy troupe The Kids in the Hall (ask your nearest Gen Xer)
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Are the lambs still screaming, Kash?
FBI director and bestiality fan Kash Patel
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Kind of amazing that a right wing writer writing a right wing character stumbled on a left wing idea
Panel from The Dark Knight Returns. Batman breaking a gun in half saying "This is the weapon of the enemy. We do not need it. We will not use it."
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
idk what everyone's talking about, I think Mitch McConnell looks great
A picture of Gary Oldman as Mason Verger in the Ridley Scott debacle HANNIBAL and he looks like McConnell. Separated at birth even
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
"One more thing Mr. Patel, how was it you knew when the stables opened?"
Detective Columbo asking a question
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Kyle Reese, as played by Michael Biehn, in The Terminator. He's got a shotgun and he's looking all sweaty and sexy you forget he's freeballin in a homeless dude's pants
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
A diagram of a ratchet
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
It's a couple images from that porn tweet Ted Cruz (R-TX) liked on 9/11
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Michael Bluth looking at Tobias Funke, who just blue himself
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
I didn't make this but it cuts to the quick
CAPTION: I WANT YOU TO PAINT ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR WARHAMMER FIGURES.

Top panel: Kate Winslet looking beautiful in that famous scene in Titanic where she's trying to get fishbait Leo to paint her.

Bottom panel: Same image, but her skin tone is too red, her eyes are irregular blobs of white with black dots, her eyebrows are all fucked up, and her lips look like someone scrawled lipstick over them
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
Carville figured it out?
still from The Good Place.

You got Ted Danson the demon, saying "Yeah, this is a real low point. This one hurts." And D'arcy Carden looking at him
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
The classic Dennis Miller word salad tweet:

"The young Jedi B-Team that is the White House Press Corps have now been Groupon comp Lyfted back to their real jobs being overly astounded by new tailgate kick plates in unctuous Chevy Truck commercials."
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
Okay this one got away from me
Mary Magdalene pleading with Jesus who's like "talk to the hand"

Impact caption:

I FINALLY UNDERSTAND THE END OF THE SIXTH SENSE

Second Impact caption:

THOSE NAMES ARE THE PEOPLE WHO WORKED ON THE MOVIE
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
30 Rock Jesus memes will continue until morale improves
Jesus at the resurrection.

Impact text: LIVE EVERY WEEK LIKE IT'S SHARK WEEK
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
Look I had to
An image of the Sermon on the Mount with impact font text below: 

LISTEN UP FIVES, A TEN IS SPEAKING
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
Bill Hader's Stefan character counting off the "everything" New York's hottest club has
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
the grumpy slug monster from Rise of Skywalker
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
A picture of Sir Jimmy Crystal from 28 Years Later and the Bone Temple
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
One of my favorite albums and look at that MS Paint-ass cover
The cover art for My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult's album 13 Above the Night. It's hilariously amateurish
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
Me at Katharine Isabelle's cameo in Backrooms
Leo poinitng meme
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 08/08/2026
A skeet from yours truly posted on 7.28.26

Playing the "we can't go too far left or Republicans will call us communists" game in 2026 is fucking embarrassing
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
Homer Simpson sleeping wearing glasses with open eyes drawn on the lenses
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
The great Paul Giamatti looking even more bug-eyed than usual
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
Spider-Man talking to the Marvel villain Sauron, who is a pteranodon man who turns people into dinosaurs. The pertinent bit is this dialogue:
SPIDEY: You can rewrite DNA on the fly and you're using it to turn people into dinosaurs? But with tech like that you could cure cancer!
SAURON: But I don't want to cure cancer. I want to turn people into dinosaurs.
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
When the Deep State (my fuckass neighbors) tells me to turn down the Skynyrd
Cover from DC's comic book The Warrior. You got a guy who looks like old Oliver Queen, shirtless with a chain going down his chest but the main thing is that he's wearing a sweet-ass winged helmet and pointing a Dirty Harry gun at the viewer
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
Human teeth
Miranda Otto as Eowyn smiling
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
Human teeth
Ian McKellen as Gandalf laughing
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
Human teeth
Cate Blanchett as Galadriel
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
Human teeth
Celeborn from Lord of the Rings
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
Human teeth
Aragorn son of Arathorn smiling with a pipe. Showing normal human teeth
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 28/07/2026
I always thought he was great as the host of DC's House of Secrets
Comic panel of the 1970s DC anthology horror comic with the host Abel, who looks exactly like a courtroom drawing of Ross Douthat
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 27/07/2026
Post a perfect album from the 90’s
The cover of They Might Be Giants' Flood
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
Post a meme made by you (based on a true story)
It's the Predator handshake meme

On Carl Weathers: me in 1983
On Arnie: me in 2023
On the hands clasped: getting lost in the mall
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
The now-classic tweet from @hotgirlhala

"this does not help your cause" - guy who hates you and your cause
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
Describe your favorite movie in the most boring way possible. 12 lonely bachelors adopt a dog
Movie poster for John Carpenter's The Thing (1982)
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
Now is the time for Carl's
Tweet and response.

Tweet:
Johnson's Anti-Diarrhoea Medicine
@JohnsonAD

"Use our product if you want to stop having diarrhoea."

response:
Carl's Pro-Diarrhoea Medicine
@CarlsPD

"Your product is for cowards."
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 13/07/2026
Mitch McConnell looks great!
An image of Gary Oldman as Mason Verger in Hannibal. Dude looks messed up and also shockingly like Mitch McConnell
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The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King @weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social · 11/07/2026
Still from the Avengers of Bruce Banner looking over his shoulder and telling Cap his secret.

Caption: "That's my secret. I've always got explosive diarrhea."
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