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Johnny

@vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social
1.1K followers 582 following 1K posts

I have this pain in my chest that goes away when I drink beer. Only here for politics, scatology and chat.

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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
I still can’t get past the spray tan. It’d be disqualifying for anyone else
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
I bet the use by date was August 31 1986 😄
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Next level YP’s The secret? Age the batter 24hrs to let the enzymes in the flour go to work
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Prediction: CHEAT-ING-BAS-TARDS <repeat> will be chanted loudly and often at all MCFC games for the rest of the season
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Invite the UK too! It’s all we ever wanted from EU. No straight bananas. Just straight deals.
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Reposted by Johnny
MeidasTouch @meidastouch.com · 16/09/2026
European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen has invited Canada to become the first-ever “associate member” of the European Union, as Canada and the rest of the world shift away from the U.S.
meidasnews.com
European Union Chief Invites Canada to be First Associate Member Amid Trade War With the U.S.
Ursula von der Leyen took the extraordinary step to bring Canada into the European sphere of influence in response to ongoing trade disputes with the U.S.
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
France to equip Canada with nukes to defend against USA stated goal of assimilation
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
@evelynterry01.bsky.social You’re my biggest fan. Why??? 😂
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Worsch. No forward guidance. Except for his trading boss
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
France to supply Canada with nukes to deter US invasion?
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Merriam-Webster @merriam-webster.com · 31/08/2026
macabre = “muh-KAHB” Worcestershire = “WOOSS-ter-sheer” omnipotent = “ahm-NI-puh-tunt” reticent = “RET-uh-sunt” epitome = “ih-PIT-uh-mee” myriad = "MEER-ee-ud" Never make fun of someone if they mispronounce a word. It means they learned it by reading.
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
Parallel killer
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
Alternative Ain’t more workers need deportin’ Than crops need a pickin’ Ain’t more nurses need deportin’ Than patients need a healin’ Ain’t more parents need deportin’ Than kids need a raisin’ Vote
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
There’s more crops need a pickin’ Than workers need deportin’ There’s more patients need a healin’ Than nurses need deportin’ There’s more kids need a parentin’ Than parents need deportin’ There’s more votes need a countin’ There’s more votes need a countin’
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
Finally! An American broadcaster has been emboldened by The BBC to not bend the knee but to fight back. EPS is worth nothing without a society in which to function. Maybe the suits finally get it? Just kidding apple.news/AVf_JVju0Qx2...
apple.news
ABC says intimidation by Trump's FCC forced programming changes — Reuters
ABC is accusing U.S. President Donald Trump's administration of employing pressure tactics that have forced the television network to make programming compromises such as refraining from booking polit...
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
So what!? My local Whole Foods didn’t have genuine, appellation controlée niçoise olives available and I had to make do with those purple Greek ones A real Kalamaty!
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
Himalayan pink rock salt. Formed over 250 million years ago Best before sept 30 🤔
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
You know his only next move is to drop a nuke on Iran.
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
You meant “Get in the bin, lad”. With a vocative comma.
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
En masse. Get it right FFS.
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
The process is the punishment / deterrent.
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
After fasting for a day ahead of a colonoscopy (my first) I broke my fast with poached eggs and home-made hollandaise sauce. Surprisingly easy. Soooo yummy! And filled the cavern!
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Crockett Houghton @crocketthoughton.com · 28/07/2026
I lived 41 years on this earth without hollandaise sauce, then a week ago I had hollandaise poutine and everything changed. Last night I enjoyed my first eggs benedict. Why did the people in my life let me live like this? Why did the world keep this secret from me? Obnoxious.
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
First world problems. Like when your supermarket doesn’t have proper niçoise olives and you have to settle for those purple Greek ones: a true Kalamaty! 😉
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 28/07/2026
Books?
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 18/07/2026
They scored again. Better go 7:2:1
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 18/07/2026
England scored in the 2nd minute! Time to go 5:4:1.
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
Give both teams a bronze medal and let them go to the beach
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kozl.bsky.social @kozl.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
That's not true. A bronze medal is better than no medal. Being in the top 3 of any sporting competition is an accomplishment to be proud of.
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
Why did Thomas Tuchel turn into Gareth Southgate? Going 5:4:1 is what cost us.
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 13/07/2026
I’m glad he’s dead. Massive hypocrite. DJT next please!
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 02/07/2026
Trump’s wealth grew on a scale without modern presidential precedent - The Washington Post But he’ll be dead before he can enjoy it. So there’s that At least.
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 27/06/2026
“Hydration” break in NY/NJ stadium. Where it’s raining. Complete bollocks. I muted the TV and came here instead. Didn’t see any ads. Money wasted.
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 08/06/2026
Death in prison would be more just.
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 01/06/2026
There’ll be a queue. A long one.
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Allison Gill @muellershewrote.com · 28/05/2026
Dear media, You don't have to say "E Jean Carroll accused Trump of defamation and rape." You can say "Trump defamed and raped E Jean Carroll." It's been adjudicated. Thank you
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 22/05/2026
All talk. No trousers
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 22/05/2026
Violinist dissent? Just watching the Anna lapwood / classic fm version of interstellar. I guess this was a protest?
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 17/05/2026
Anybody else on here think that Fiona Hill is just hawt???!!! Good looking, learned, intelligent, Lake District vowels!!! What’s not to like?
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 15/05/2026
The country was founded on talking snakes? Harry Potter has yet to be written!!!
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 10/05/2026
Mary was a virgin birth too - according to Roman Catholic dogma. Otherwise the son of god would have had a granddad and a lineage. Maybe parthenogenesis is inherited? That’d be funny.
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 02/05/2026
Sorry. I just can’t understand why this is entertaining.
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Lee Casebolt @leecasebolt.bsky.social · 01/05/2026
🤼🥋🥊🧵Every UFC finish til I get bored with it or run out of material In the first official UFC tournament fight, Gerard Gordeau kicks one of Teila Tuli's teeth into the third row and lodges another one in his own foot. Be problem later but that's a problem for later.
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 26/04/2026
I’m on a virgin flight ATL-MAN. Can anyone explain these connectors? Back to the 20th century much?
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 10/04/2026
Like this? Figures.
Slave ship
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 01/04/2026
So. There’s a new sign up at my health club’s hot tub. No pets allowed You know what this means, right? SMH, 🤦 some people
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 20/03/2026
@economist.com You just platformed Carlson. You lost this subscription. 30yrs a subscriber. Gone forever.
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 02/03/2026
Came here to say this but responses were blocked. So the “honest question” wasn’t a question, and wasn’t honest either.
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RB @breuguy28.bsky.social · 01/03/2026
Japan
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Johnny @vorpalsw0rd.bsky.social · 01/03/2026
Operation Epstein Fury. That’s it.
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