Sign in

VonTraphaus

@vontraphaus.bsky.social
1.6K followers 430 following 1.9K posts

Antisocial extrovert

PostsRepliesMedia
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
031
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 23/07/2026
I was with those teenagers when they died. Their last words were “the only way for us to win is to keep giving money to Israel. And the only way for you to win is to bet on the outcomes of this war. Enter promo code #purpleheart for a free 200 dollar bet on the number of American dead and wounded. “
031
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
Six hours and twice as many whiskeys in to mandatory team building karaoke and only now do management comprehend that they cannot stop what they set in motion
172
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
000
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
Gentleman, we’ve been over the rules in the locker room. Protect yourself at all times. If you wanna touch cocks, touch cocks
011
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 20/06/2026
Look at those ears buckling under the weight of all that shareholder value
0193
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 17/06/2026
My retirement plan is to “lose” a war with the US and Israel
094
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 08/05/2026
I’ve looked at each account breach I’ve suffered, and listed a root cause, looking common attack vectors like malware, social engineering, and phishing. The compiled stats are below. I’m hoping our experts in law enforcement and cryptography can find a pattern and prevent future issues
000
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 27/04/2026
153
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 23/03/2026
If you pull your hand out, the box turns yellow and your boss messages you to ask if you can jump on a video call real quick
0153
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 08/03/2026
Obi wan after learning his name appears 8000 times in the Epstein holocrons
020
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 31/01/2026
AITAH for stealing my younger friend’s potential girlfriend from him (they are blood siblings)
000
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 24/01/2026
Ok why didn’t you all tell me to watch 28 years later sooner
010
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 22/01/2026
Employers when they insist on return to office days, but you’re not available after your work hours because you’re still commuting home
010
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 14/01/2026
Due to economic downturn, wine moms can now only pick two
0101
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 12/01/2026
So I heard some weird noises coming from my study and I think I walked in on my Robovac trying to hang itself. Does anyone have the number of a good therapist chatbot I can refer it to?
1173
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 21/12/2025
041
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 11/10/2025
Ok, my church also approves of biblically endorsed “u up?” Texts and maybe… foot stuff? It’s not clear. I’m sure my disciples will start multiple wars over the topic
130
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 11/10/2025
Since the other denominations all do it, I’m starting a new branch of Christianity using only parts of the bible I like. Up first: the right for all newly wed couples to get a year’s paid vacation to bang
2295
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 22/08/2025
When your holiday is over but you have a 20 hour flight home
042
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 26/07/2025
Ghislaine Maxwell’s new prison guard reporting for duty
010
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 18/07/2025
CEO’s HATE him
010
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 16/07/2025
When the owners of the Korean bbq catch me coming back for a 17th serving of pork belly
082
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 14/07/2025
When you weren’t paying attention to the latest fads and instead of getting your daughter a Labubu you got her a Pazuzu
181
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 17/06/2025
010
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 10/06/2025
When you leave your city apartment to see your girlfriend in her house in the suburbs
030
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 16/05/2025
Kanye West coming back from a thanksgiving walk with his cousin
010
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 15/05/2025
Zuck looks like he’s wearing a gen z skin suit
240
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 30/04/2025
This him?
140
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 24/04/2025
When they announce Pietro Parolin as the new pope but you put your life savings on an Angelo Scola/ Celtics by 10 points pope parlay
020
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 22/04/2025
All due respect, cardinal, but if you don’t take a dive in the third conclave vote, you’ll be meeting your maker before Christmas.
161
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 22/04/2025
When your girl catches you checking out her Easter egg stash
020
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 22/04/2025
Papin’, papin’ with the boys
020
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 02/04/2025
020
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 02/04/2025
040
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 01/04/2025
162
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 27/03/2025
It’s called posters madness. A tweet goes viral, and it attracts a horde of egg accounts with brain worms.
020
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 22/03/2025
POV: you’re three days behind on the vig for the loan you took from DoorDash for a Crunchwrap supreme
030
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 07/03/2025
Remember when this was a comedy bit?
040
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 28/02/2025
Dating profile pic vs the person waiting to meet you on the first date
020
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 21/02/2025
To the cowards at MGM: there is only one sensible replacement for Daniel Craig to play James Bond
0102
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 07/02/2025
“AI is taking away our jobs!” - Gerald Tompkins, child pornographer
040
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 07/02/2025
061
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 07/02/2025
010
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 10/01/2025
Mom, I threw up
26813
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 01/01/2025
010
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 28/12/2024
Without getting all POLITICAL what is your starting 2025 energy?
010
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 30/11/2024
Explaining to my followers why my posts aren’t that good
0154
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 28/11/2024
In the cars universe, cars pope is analogous to human pope. So what are we meant to infer about the much larger car that cars pope is deep inside of?
232
VonTraphaus @vontraphaus.bsky.social · 25/11/2024
When you’re gonna go talk to the waffle house waitress because they didn’t cover your hash browns
010