userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 19h#WhenToDoSomethingNice When you called your girlfriend fat in a text instead of phat.🤦♂️ 010
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 19h#WhenToDoSomethingNice When Jesus is watching. - He got fired from his job down at the dump & now he's really down in the nothings. 010
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 19h#WhenToDoSomethingNice When you don't want a knuckle sammich.👊😠 000
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 19h#WhenToDoSomethingNice When your upstairs-downstairs neighbor falls up then down then sideways down the stairs. 010
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 04/10/2026#WhatINeedToImprove is my improv. No one knows who Yakov Smirnoff or Alf is any more. - Good grief. 011
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 04/10/2026#WhatINeedToImprove The economy. - I just promised my first born to Satan for a full tank of gas.🤦♂️ 011
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 04/10/2026#WhatINeedToImprove is my improving, it never seems to get any better. 011
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 04/10/2026#WhatINeedToImprove Okay, I better put on a pot of coffee, cause this is going to be a long night. 111
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 03/10/2026#TheBestWayToEatCarrots is not naturally. *starts coughing up dirt & bits of carrot he plucked straight out of the ground* 000
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 03/10/2026#ImOnlyFrugalWhen I'm fruging, which is never. *starts fruging away* 000
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 02/10/2026#TheAnimalsInMyYardAre not fond of milkshakes. - Either that or all the boys are scaring them away. 000
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 01/10/2026#NotBeingPerfectIs easy when you're really flawed & screwed up.🥲👍 032
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 01/10/2026Coffee brewing when I wake up #SoundsLikeMusicToMyEars & smells like heaven to my nose. 111
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 01/10/2026Being blind, deaf and dumb #SoundsLikeMusicToMyEars these days. 021
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 01/10/2026The copyrights infringement lawsuit never #SoundsLikeMusicToMyEars 011
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 29/09/2026#MyWiseWordsAre falling on deaf ears. - I SAID MY WISE WORDS ARE... oh, never mind. 000
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 28/09/2026#TheBestWayToDrinkBeer is after a hard day's night tending to your octopus's garden when you've developed blisters on your fingers. 000
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 28/09/2026#TheBestWayToDrinkBeer is during, before & after the game. 000
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 28/09/2026#TheBestWayToDrinkBeer is ice cold. - Don't even look at it in the label when you guzzle it down. 000
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 28/09/2026#TheBestWayToDrinkBeer is responsibly. *cracks open a beer before work* 000
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 27/09/2026#ThisUSerIsNot feeling particularly patriotic these days. 051
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 27/09/2026#ThereAreNoExcusesFor my behavior last night or my behaviour tonight. *downs bottle of tequila before boarding plane* 000
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 27/09/2026#ThereAreNoExcusesFor replacing chocolates with laxatives. 000
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 27/09/2026#ThereAreNoExcusesFor giving me diabetes when I ordered coffee. 000
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 27/09/2026#WhatIDontDoEarlyMornings is get up to see Dawn's crack. -I'm sure it's lovely & all but I just can't be bothered. 121
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 27/09/2026#WhatIDontDoEarlyMornings is explain myself. *goes back to sleeping in a coffin with an adult diaper on* 010
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 27/09/2026#WhatIDontDoEarlyMornings I also don't do drunken evenings. 021
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 27/09/2026#WhatIDontDoEarlyMornings Early mornings. *rolls back over in bed* 021
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 26/09/2026#IfICouldSpeakTheLanguageOf British maybe I'd know what those guys are saying.🤔 000
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 26/09/2026#IfICouldSpeakTheLanguageOf Caprican, I would live long & prosper as the force would be with me. - Nanu nanu. 000
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 26/09/2026#IfICouldSpeakTheLanguageOf apathy I'd.. oh hell, what's the point. 010
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 26/09/2026#IfICouldSpeakTheLanguageOf Morse, I'd break his code.🤔 010
userac99 @userac99.bsky.social · 26/09/2026#IfICouldSpeakTheLanguageOf young people, I'd be less lame fr fr, no cap. 010
