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twll

@twll.xyz
213 followers 115 following 811 posts

Friendly, Welsh European internet bull from the UK 🇬🇧🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🇪🇺🇳🇴og jeg lærer norsk (alle trenger en hobby). I’m queer/ace, autistic, platform agnostic, and quite geeky. Recovering graphic designer. Maker of internets. Find me elsewhere: bovin.es/@twll

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twll @twll.xyz · 02/10/2026
If you know, you know.
An unopened tin of baked beans rests innocently upon a white cotton towel.
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twll @twll.xyz · 30/09/2026
The gate knows best about Birmingham.
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twll @twll.xyz · 26/09/2026
Delicious :9
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twll @twll.xyz · 23/09/2026
Please, bring your magnets, resonate with them!
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twll @twll.xyz · 23/09/2026
Aaayyyyy
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twll @twll.xyz · 23/09/2026
It's either a stress on the second proximal phalanx or a fracture of it. No immediate cause, but the layout of my toes suggests that it's a repeated impact stress from running and probably needs custom inserts in my shoes to prevent damage in the future. Plan: scan, recovery, inserts, strengthen.
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twll @twll.xyz · 23/09/2026
Woken up by foot pain. Next appointment tomorrow which gets me one step (pun intended) closer to getting an MRI. Concerned that it might actually be fractured.
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twll @twll.xyz · 22/09/2026
More detail: there is a bone in my left foot that is either stressed or fractured. Gotta get it imaged with magnetic resonances to find out what's up with it. Until then, I have to keep it angry.
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twll @twll.xyz · 21/09/2026
The foot yearns for the MRI.
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twll @twll.xyz · 20/09/2026
Depluralise a movie Dumb
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twll @twll.xyz · 20/09/2026
If the person in the cuck chair only says "to me, to you", is that Cucklevision?
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twll @twll.xyz · 20/09/2026
The foot is still bad.
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twll @twll.xyz · 14/09/2026
Maybe he's born with it. Maybe it's a metatarsophalangeal joint sprain. I guess we'll find out when he speaks to the consultant.
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twll @twll.xyz · 14/09/2026
I always had this worry - staffers can easily be lost in the convention sauce, especially when planning times get crunchy. Just reach out, they might be busy but they'll likely appreciate it. (I also discouraged con shop talk around me so I didn't feel like I was trying to be dragged back in.)
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Reposted by twll
Neo @neoxiii.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
New cow who dis? Punch needle commission for @twll.xyz ✨
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twll @twll.xyz · 04/09/2026
Or perhaps it's 5 x 5 x 5? That would be 125.
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twll @twll.xyz · 04/09/2026
According to the backdrop, it's five five five, therefore fifteen.
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twll @twll.xyz · 04/09/2026
Hmm… I wonder why my delivery is taking so long, the estimated delivery date changes every time I load the page, the parcel is bouncing across the country, and the tracking updates are meaningless nonsense…?
Free from Scooby Doo removes the mask of a captured villain. The mask is covered by the InPost logo. When removed, the head of the villain is actually the Yodel logo.
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twll @twll.xyz · 04/09/2026
I would die for cuddly piglet ;.;
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twll @twll.xyz · 02/09/2026
Yeah bring it!
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twll @twll.xyz · 31/08/2026
The two hobbits enquire about a second Sunday.
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twll @twll.xyz · 31/08/2026
Ugh, who put this Monday here? Waaait… waaaaaaaiiiit… YEAH :D
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twll @twll.xyz · 22/08/2026
Darling wash my hands.
A bottle of Carex hand soap with a Jet2 promotion featured on the label.
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twll @twll.xyz · 20/08/2026
Ah then I dunno then. I only use windows on my work laptop and I don't have to look after that.
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twll @twll.xyz · 20/08/2026
Perhaps this:
learn.microsoft.com
Windows 11, version 25H2 known issues and notifications
View announcements and review known issues and fixes for Windows 11, version 25H2
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twll @twll.xyz · 19/08/2026
I said one of these at an in-person meeting at the office: “It’s like someone stamped on a Tide Pod.” “The reassuring sound of a bear setting off explosives.” “It’d be like licking a cutlery drawer.” “A good, powerful brown.” “The army of cleaning products.” “Aunt Bessie’s looking a little dry.”
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twll @twll.xyz · 16/08/2026
I said one of these perhaps a bit too loudly in an Aldi: “Grisly crotch yuck.” “It’s the toothpick vagina.” “Fursuit paste.” “Breathplay Crash Investigation.” “You nefarious bumguffer!” “I’m the dinglecow!” “Quiche jumpscare.” “I’m doing a poo and I’m excited.”
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twll @twll.xyz · 08/08/2026
Uh no, I think that might be a little too inconvenient to fit it into my routine. Or office chair. Or car. Or a typical work meeting.
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twll @twll.xyz · 08/08/2026
I hit another milestone in my weight loss progress: I'm now no longer obese! 🎉
The words “I’m merely overweight!” in gaudy, italicised text. There is cheap looking digital confetti and the background is celery for some reason.
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twll @twll.xyz · 06/08/2026
One of these I said at the end of a meal: “I can’t believe we’ve made a combination liposuction and Piper Alpha joke.” “Pornography descriptions on WikiHow.” “My tits are excited and yearn to look at pens.” “Motorboated by a bear.” “A wafer-thin cock.” “Early Learning Centre charcuterie.”
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twll @twll.xyz · 29/07/2026
Call them all out on socials and see who sends you a demo unit to prove their matte screens aren't crap?
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twll @twll.xyz · 29/07/2026
It's standalone tablets for glossy screens and pen tablet displays for matte displays now. The market forces have spoken.
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twll @twll.xyz · 29/07/2026
Haven't posted a cat picture for a while! Have some Daisy!
Daisy is a small, seven-year-old black-and-white cat. Here she is photographed from below looking very smug.
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twll @twll.xyz · 27/07/2026
Did the same here a while ago!
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twll @twll.xyz · 24/07/2026
I don't think I was ready to go back to work right after EMF. My head was still in a field most of the week and I think I may have accidentally obliterated a few neurotypical coworkers with the raw power of my autism beam.
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twll @twll.xyz · 24/07/2026
Whenever you or someone else does this, I think of the Speed Racer skit from Family Guy: m.youtube.com/watch?v=D1wLLRr...
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twll @twll.xyz · 23/07/2026
lovely stuff :D *encourage encourage*
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twll @twll.xyz · 23/07/2026
Thank you cat for this gift of a 05:00 wake-up.
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twll @twll.xyz · 22/07/2026
#emfcamp is only truly over when I can no longer dial Wogan.
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twll @twll.xyz · 21/07/2026
I saw this happen up close when no one person stepped forward to become the physical manifestation of the convention's soul and instead there was only a mysterious "The Directors" ever after. Beginning of the end.
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twll @twll.xyz · 20/07/2026
Took this nice slow motion video of one of the flame cannons at #emfcamp last night. Tagged graphic, but only because of flickering laser effects that may cause issues with photosensitive conditions.
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twll @twll.xyz · 20/07/2026
Back from #emfcamp and immediately fell asleep on the sofa after unloading the car. Cat has also been recovered from her own holiday now and has apparently learned many new swears from the other cats there. Again.
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twll @twll.xyz · 19/07/2026
At #emfcamp, I said one of these to someone suffering from a birthday: “An ASBO for semen.” “Human caterpillar cake.” “Graphvis the shit out of the Gender Hypercube.” “It’s Christmas in Wales and all the dragons are holding their packages.” “It’s a bit hot for crotch-grabs.”
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twll @twll.xyz · 19/07/2026
#emfcamp has been an incredible source of stupid things for me to say: “I guess it’s back to the frotting mines with me.” “Is that the plastic explosive we’re going to use to break you out of your chastity cage?” “Arse-fat fight!” “I’ve got saggy flaps.” “Are we going to launch his cock into orbit?”
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twll @twll.xyz · 19/07/2026
There has been a lot said at #emfcamp: “A champion of the mouth banger.” “Dalek jousting.” “Those plastic notes are wipe clean.” “Howl’s Moving Travelodge.” “Please do not Thermomix my genitals!” “Gargling testicles on Tuesday.” “Popper Pig has a really dilated arsehole.”
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twll @twll.xyz · 19/07/2026
I continued to say stuff at EMF: “A Christmas prolapse.” “I just put Vaseline on his eyes.” “A velour handjob.” “Pushing melted cheese into every orifice.” “Anal bead rosary.” “My new personal trainer: Mavis Beacon.” “Jon Bon Bon Bon Bon Jovi.”
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twll @twll.xyz · 18/07/2026
I said most of these at EMF: “The victim was misidentified as a wheat product.” “Do you want to be blooped out by the plug?” “It’s like being fucked by a shower curtain.” “I’ve got vibration white jaw.” “My sweaty pants demand the emergency services.” “A bit of holy water splashed on the taint.”
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twll @twll.xyz · 15/07/2026
No, not always, but I got a second opinion during the proofing process (we called it pedantry). I was always tickled that ‘Friend of Pippin’ was a phrase used for a long time.
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twll @twll.xyz · 15/07/2026
I wouldn’t let anyone else write them. I like to think I was good at toeing the line between personal and funny without being offensive. Also, I snuck in other Easter eggs the staff list if there was good name I could add a false staffer afterwards (Tahoma usually had a Trebuchet immediately after).
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twll @twll.xyz · 15/07/2026
Aww, that’s sad to hear. I’d had a few staffers say that the voice of the con felt like it had changed internally (I took not being serious very seriously), but I wasn’t aware of that leaking out to attendee perception. I guess I did front-facing things like conbook, ceremonies, etc, so it tracks?
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