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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 1h

Molly Reaction: “They should’ve licensed more ironic ‘you’re going to die’ songs”

It's still so good. I love how mean this movie is in service of being funny. They're doing looney tunes shit to real humans here, a piano literally falls on a child. I went kinda hard in my first review about how similar horror and comedy are structurally so I'm not going to do that again here but this movie will always have a place in my heart for how well it understands and executes on that. I don't know that I have much new to say? The ending is so fucking cruel in such a funny way, it rocks that the final twist is set up by Charlie's prom date's dad being kind of a dick to him for no reason. I was briefly considering just doing a one line joke review and it would've been "This is just what happens to people that play MK1 ranked"

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Nothing good has ever happened to me as a result of opening The Roku Channel.

You ever get so bored watching a movie you start looking up the filming locations? It's crazy how much stuff they've shot in Elgin. Like some of Texas Chain Saw Massacre, but also Varsity Blues! And The New Guy, with DJ Qualls! Also Bloody Homecoming, which is a very boring, painfully generic slasher. If you've seen any movie about high school kids getting stabbed to death by a masked killer, you've seen this already. I guess there was some stuff that stood out. For one, one of the most gratuitous shower scenes I've ever seen (in a school locker room too, gross). Just "hey here's five seconds of a teenage character washing her boobs." The other thing is that these kids are reading Oroonoko for high school English.
Is that not weird? Were other high schools reading stuff like that? Also kinda unique how the movie starts with an attempted rapist dying before eventually revealing as part of the twist he was himself a victim of rape? Like it's bad, but it's unique. I don't know, this just kind of sucked.

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

The gap in both quantity and quality between Mommy Horror and Daddy Horror grows wider every year. We need our culture’s fathers to step up and start traumatizing their kids in interesting ways instead of just sad ones.

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

My life plan moving forward: 1.) Win one of the high value prizes from McDonalds Monopoly 2.) Use the proceeds to win the Oriental Theater’s “programmer for a day” auction 3.) Force them to screen Down, aka The Shaft 4.) Haven’t thought this far

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

This movie existing for a quarter century without developing the kind of reputation it deserves as an insane gem is criminal. You didn’t fail us Down, aka The Shaft, we failed you.

My four star review of Down: This is the true meaning of "a rip-roaring good time". Aggressively dumb, loud, and way more mean-spirited than this kind of movie gets to be anymore (the dog!!!), I said "oh hell yeah" out loud more times during this than during anything else I've watched this year. Set in the lunatic "hey I'm walkin' heyuh" cartoon movie New York that died on 9/11, but shot mostly in the Netherlands using a cast that absolutely cannot do the accent, which was an absolute joy for me. It plays almost as a parody of Jaws, where no matter how many people the elevators kill the building has to stay open and public trust in elevators MUST be protected (as Ron Perlman's elevator magnate puts it, "We live in a vertical world"). James Marshall is

unfortunately the weakest element here, feeling like he was cast just for the square jaw action hero nonsense the character has to do in the last twenty minutes rather than the David Arquette style elevator repair loser with Spencer's Gifts posters all over his wall the rest of the movie asks him to be. Naomi Watts is radiant as an unhinged reporter with a wide range of Kristen Stewart-esque facial tics.
Writer-director Dick Maas, remaking his own
1983 Dutch film The Lift for American audiences, is on some real wacky shit. The scene of mass elevator death cutting to an exterior shot of the White House got a genuine spit take out of me. In a just world this would be a cult classic to end all cult classics.

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

You know what I’m just now realizing if you combine the last two segments you get the Treehouse of Horror segment from a few years later where Homer gets Snake’s hair

My 3.5 star review of Body Bags: This was a pretty fun one! Like most horror anthologies it's a little uneven. The first segment, a pretty straightforward slasher story from John Carpenter, doesn't really hold up as well as the others but that's fine. The second segment, a goofy comedy about a parasitic hair implant procedure, also from Carpenter, is much better. If nothing else it gave me Stacy Keach with long, gorgeous hair, an image I will take with me through the darkest moments of my life. And Debbie Harry in a bit part! The

casting in this really drives home that it was meant to be three episodes of a Tales from the Crypt copycat, as does Carpenter's framing segments as a smarmy, Cryptkeeper-esque morgue attendant cracking jokes about fake boobs. And speaking of casting: Mark Hammil really knocks it out of the park (sorry) as a baseball player driven crazy by an eye transplant from a serial killer in the Tobe Hooper-directed third segment. It's the one that felt the most like a TftC episode to me, from the editing to the pacing to the groan-worthy punchline of an ending. I had a good time with this. It's a shame they never moved forward with it as a series, you wouldn't catch me complaining about a second show like TftC, especially one with this kind of talent behind it.

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

On the one hand, this was a gross one. On the other, it was also one of the most boring movies I’ve ever seen.

I try not to get TOO moralistic when it comes to horror; it's a genre built on bad things happening to people. Unfortunately recent events have put me in a pretty bad headspace to see people get drugged and sexually assaulted. Maybe if the rest of the movie wasn't rock-bottom wannabe arthouse pretension bullshit I'd be more forgiving. It's all dissonant industrial music and "surreal" lighting and meaningless political gesturing (get this... one character rolls a joint on top of a copy of The Art of the Deal!). You probably could've chopped the run time down by twenty minutes if you cut all the "artsy" slow motion and repetition. Basically a boring erotic crime drama with some demon-y guys in another room cackling as they talk about how they set everything up. Can't wait to see this in my lowest rateds a year from now and go
"what was that"

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

I’m just thinking about Osment’s career and it’s crazy how this is SO MUCH BETTER of a movie about the healing power of helping others than Pay It Forward.

My five star review of The Sixth Sense: It's so wild looking back now that this didn't win any Oscars. Look me dead in the eye and tell me this screenplay isn't better than Alan Ball's for fucking American Beauty. The expositional pan around the wake alone is better than anything Sam Mendes has done in his entire career. Haley Joel Osment should get Michael Caine's statuette when he dies. He's unbelievable. Like, inhumanly dialed in with this performance.

I know it's about as cold as a take gets to say this is Shyamalan's best but it just is. He's firing on all cylinders here. The wake scene is just so good, going from scary to bittersweet to horrifying to bittersweet again. He's walking such a fine line here, toeing right up to the edge of shmaltz with his sentimentality but never tipping over (the scene in the car at the end gets me crying every time). Like the whole thing where he wanted to be Spielberg more than Hitchcock is so apparent already at that stage of his career.
The screenplay is also just so fucking
FUNCTIONAL too. Placing all the scenes he needs to set Bruce Willis up as part of this kid's world before the "I see dead people" scene so you never even know to look for the signs is so so so good. I think this is just one of the Great American Movies.

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

You know what, I actually don’t know why this got such a “worst movie ever” rep. Like I hate it for being a bad adaptation but if you don’t know the comics I feel like this is just kind of a dumb action movie in a sea of dumb action movies.

My two star review of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003): I'm doing my best to take this as its own thing and not a severely dumbed down adaptation of a comic I like. Even on that level though, this film is duuuuumb. A production so awful Sean Connery decided to give up on live action film (Stephen Norrington also publicly vowed to never direct another movie but that was both more justified and more warmly accepted, the man was apparently a monster to work for).
There's some nice production design at least. I like the interior sets for the Nautilus a lot. The effects have aged in a way that's rendered them pleasantly cheesy for me, particularly the bad guy goon who Hydes himself into a House of the Dead boss. And honestly for a man

Connery is pretty good in the aging action star role. Most of the cast is in the decent to good range. It's just that they're given some dumb bullshit to work with, working off a script that views the Victorian setting and literary mashup premise as more of a hindrance to mass (American) appeal than anything worth exploring. There, see, I was capable of talking about the movie without bringing up how badly they sidelined Mina from her role in the comic as the leader of the team, or how they totally ignored everything Moore was doing with analyzing the imperial anxieties and prejudices of Victorian England through their popular literature, and ahhhhhhh why did they do this!!!! There obviously wasn't a market for this as a mainstream action franchise that's why they had to change so much of it!!!!!!! Tom Sawyer was from DECADES before when this is set, come ON!!!!!!!!!

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

“Women say they hate men but they still have sex with us” - guy that fucking hates women so much

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

🫈🫈🫈🫈🫈THERES SO MANY OF THEM 🫈🫈🫈🫈🫈🫈🫈🫈🫈🫈🫈RUN🫈🫈🫈🫈🫈SAVE YOURSEL-🫈🫈🫈🫈🫈🫈🫈🫈🫈🫈🫈🫈🫈🫈🫈

My half star review of Wild Men: Like a youtube sketch that never ends. It's trying to be a parody of cable "monster hunter" shows, but it's not even really trying too hard, constantly veering between "the network cleaned up the footage so it could have something to air" and "there isn't a tv network on earth that would've aired this"
• And
it commits the two worst sins it can as a horror comedy: not being funny, and pushing all the horror stuff into the last twenty-ish minutes.
Everything before is just wheel spinning bullshit. "Fed up crew on a Bigfoot hunting show pranks the hosts into thinking Bigfoot is actually real" isn't even a terrible premise, it's just that they keep telling you from the beginning that Bigfoot IS real and he's going to show up at some point and kill a bunch of them later.

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Kristi Yamaguccimane @wapplehouse.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

A little known fact about the CARS universe, is that post-World War 2 many Volkswagens, BMWs and Mercedes fled to Cargentina to avoid the Nuremberg Time Trials

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mary worth is lit @wilburwurthless.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

It’s Bob Wehadababyitsaboy Son or Idkmybffjill Daughter?

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

-papa roach voice- cut myself on an ice cube / why was the ice cube sharp

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Oh yeah and another shoutout to the gay employee at the radio station, kudos on being the least cunty homosexual of the 1980s

My one and a half star review of Open House: I really wanted to like this one. I love me a quirky premise 80s slasher. This is
unfortunately incompetent dogshit. It's funny that people act like "torture porn" was invented by Saw. Like, here you have a movie from almost twenty years earlier that's so brightly lit and devoid of atmosphere and tension that the only real reason to watch is to see beautiful women being tortured and killed.
And it's not even hot on that level so why bother.

There's a few bright spots. I liked Robert Miano as the hard ass detective who's pissed he's been assigned to find the Open House Killer, he's got a great bit about how there's a gang war and a high tech bank robber he's rather be dealing with that never comes up again.
Joseph Bottoms isn't doing anything particularly impressive but I like the idea of a sort of meathead Frasier, and the bit where he apparently just drives around listening to the tape of him bungling a call so bad the caller killed herself is an interesting idea, although it goes nowhere. Shoutout to the woman playing the racist realtor at the beginning, she's doing some insane face acting.
Uninspired kills, lame music, shot and edited and lit so indifferently that it manages to make a woman getting electrocuted via champagne poured over her breasts boring. There's a reason nobody remembers this one.

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

You know what, I’m gonna try doing the thread on twitter AND over here too this year and see how that works out for me. Welcome to Sudden Death II, hope you survive the experience!!!!! -witch cackling sound effect-

A purposely bad mspaint-y mishmash of fonts and emojis announcing Sudden Death II, the return of my project where I watch and review random horror movies for a month.

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Sometimes I miss being young and interesting. Other times I sing The Wells Fargo Wagon from The Music Man to my dog as I drag the grocery cart into the apartment.

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

So you’re telling me there’s a story where Conner Kent starts experimenting with his appearance, talks about his struggle with his identity and seeing a man’s face in the mirror, then freaks out and won’t let his psychic girlfriend see the thoughts “do you even want to be Superboy” brings up

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

It’s hard sometimes being in a discourse gap relationship, she just asked me without a shred of irony if I think she’ll like Resident Evil if she hasn’t played the games

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

The Phoebe Bridgers show last night was one of those ones where they make you bag your phone and I was very eyeroll jerk-off gesture about it at first but by the end of the night I was like oh, maybe this thing has been fucking poisoning me after all

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

The Devils tickets secured, 2026 has been a great year to be a movie pervert

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Sorry dude I was draking it. I was busy joshing off.

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

HRT update: I’ve begun to develop what I’m calling Orangutan Form Factor

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

Pro Philosopher 2 (Intelligible Games, 2024)

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

The negative self talk when I go soft halfway into jerking it

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JAV Titles @jav.scd.lol · 20/03/2026

Lesbian Piss-Drinking

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

This feels primed for one of those “it wasn’t GOOD but what a premise!” reassessments in a few years

“What Just Happened??! with Fred Savage”, a scripted comedy in the form of a fictional aftershow for an also-fictional sci fi show

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

A really underestimated segment of the Trump coalition is “people with nothing else going on”

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

I would die for you transgender lesbian space princess Galaxy

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

I am once again reminding you all that the arc of these books is they help start a camp that’s basically Wakanda for closeted gay hockey players

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

Watching the first episode of Tales From The Crypt. I love that William Sadler went “no you don’t understand, I know the exact performance that character calls for” and Walter Hill was like “holy shit he’s right”.

Two imdb factoids. The first: William Sadler pursued the role of Niles Talbot after initial consideration for the arresting detective character. Casting personnel originally targeted established performers such as John Malkovich or Christopher Walken for the protagonist position. Production finalized the casting of William Sadler following his unsolicited audition for the Talbot role.

The second: Walter Hill demanded William Sadler execute the performance identical to the initial audition as a prerequisite for casting. The production utilized 35mm film stock and practical lighting effects to maintain the gritty visual aesthetic established by Walter Hill in his previous feature work. William Sadler occupies the role of Niles Talbot, an executioner whose fourth wall breaking monologues required precise eye-line matching with the camera lens.

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

I’m off my phone entirely nine to twelve weekday mornings now, it’s killed me the last two days not getting to read about the Directs until after everyone’s already made all the good jokes

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

It’s been an incredible year for horror

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

I’m seeing people on here call the fitness fascism thing the product of smelly fat losers and people on twitter talking about how it’s good to take care of yourself but the “swole” thing as a standard of fitness is based in fascist ideas and I genuinely feel like I’ve slipped into Opposite World

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LunahBat @lunahbat.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

But really tho

A graphic of an animated person sitting at the computer, in emo attire in their bedroom sitting at a pc from the early 2000s

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

I got bored enough to redownload tiktok and the first thing it showed me was an AI podcast clip of Alicia Silverstone saying Oprah has eaten so many children an entire school had to close. The second was a man filming himself sending his child’s coffin into the cremation oven.

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krat @kwholesaler.bsky.social · 05/09/2026

That's not true. First of all video games are for children

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USER WAS BLOCKED FOR THIS POST @blockedforthispost.bsky.social · 05/09/2026

Ah, my apologies, I didn’t have enough space for the adverb. That should read “insufferably twee.”

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

I want to live in the moment between remembering there’s a new Saw game coming out and remembering it’s a 3v1 multiplayer thing

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

Finished the main story in my Control replay yesterday and I’m working through Foundation now. I’m trying to decide if I want to bother with the optional bosses I skipped. I mostly really just don’t want to ever do Mold-1 again.

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

There needs to be some mechanism for reversing a legal decision if the winning lawyer says something like this after

"It's not about coach Kiffin. It's not about LSU.
It's about treating these kids fairly," said Tony Clayton, an attorney for the athletes. "Today, justice was served. And justice was serve to the SEC. It was served like a cold cup of gumbo. And that judge forced him to eat it."

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ChloeCade @chloecade.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

60 years without him today... I can't believe it 💔

Pigmon from episode 8 of the original Ultraman series.
Text reads:
"September 4, 1966, Pigmon, who was popular among the girls, died."

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Am I Pragnent? @am-i-pragnent.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

[Q] what do you do if a bully puches you in the face? i am scared of bullies because im weak and small [A] Give him my blunt then he'll stop Steve B Cool [2009]

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Asteroid Sadie @transfemmiketenay.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

Another year, another MLB The Show on ps+, another day or two of the career mode before I remember I’m not into baseball like that

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Stephen Thompson @idislikestephen.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

When I worked for The Onion, practically everyone who visited the office would ask how they could submit headlines. This one stoner delivery guy was so persistent, we finally told him he could submit 10 headlines on spec and we'd take a look. First one on his list was "Shit and poop are Stinky!!!"

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