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Ashley

@touchthecow.myatproto.social
151 followers 189 following 2.7K posts

any pronouns 💖@rubydelamuerte.myatproto.social💖

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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 13h
Ruby's been showing me Twin Peaks. The best thing I can say about David Lynch's directing is he told me who the killer was loudly, clearly, and uncomfortably all the way back in Episode 2, yet the reveal 12—at times interminably-long—episodes later was still viscerally upsetting and unshakeable.
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 14/10/2026
lmao I'm zaftig, as they say, and yet my big fat tits have little fat at all. They're nearly entirely milk glands and ducts, and supportive tissure. Cowtits City. It's the funniest possible result, so of course I got it.
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 14/10/2026
New Jersey State Breast Density Law S-792
For your information, per New Jersey State Breast Density Law S-792, the
following information is provided to all mammography patients:
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 12/10/2026
I haven't really felt the need for Quality of Life hacks, ever since they gave Claude the ability to play games for me. Really when you think about it, it's kind of the Ultimate Quality of Life.
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Dezi @dezi.quest · 08/10/2026
Hey I would really appreciate if people could share and post this around and vote No we need to make sure AI translations stop being passed around in the SRW community www.reddit.com/r/Super_Robo...
reddit.com
From the Super_Robot_Wars community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the Super_Robot_Wars community
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 04/10/2026
I mean, why the fuck? What is the fucking purpose of this? Why do you want to secretly see when my partner and I go to the bathroom? It's literally set to a mode where it only briefly turns on when there's movement, it's there to track our comings and goings, and is pointed straight at our shower.
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 03/10/2026
Reactivated my account in order to share a peek into why Ashley has suffered a steep decline in emotional stability and sanity the past year. The doors in between the mess are to the bathroom Ruby and I were assigned, and my mother's room. House is a hoarder's nest, but that's not what I'm sharing.
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 22/05/2026
I am surrounded by decisive people who never give me mixed signals.
Me: "I think I'm finally having a total breakdown. I'm considering massive changes to my life, and here's my thought process. If this seems irrational or harmful to you, firmly say so, as I will not hear you otherwise, and will assume I'm making perfect sense and act on it."

Friend 1: "Wow, we gotta get you out of that house. Anyway, I'm here whatever you do!"

Friend 2: "Hm. Maybe rethink those decisions? I think the opposite makes sense. But, no, actually. I get it. Good luck."

Girlfriend, after sighing deeply and looking grimly concerned for a full minute: "I just want whatever makes you happy. :)"
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 21/05/2026
RetroAchievements is awesome. It's all the fun of achievements, but you look at a set and it was developed by someone with a 4chan avatar and a bio demanding more wildly racist ROM hacks on the site, and in his comments is a dude with literally a Hitler avatar sayin like "I stand with you, brother."
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 20/05/2026
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 20/05/2026
Oh, did Google announce they're ending Google? That's kinda funny. Weird thing to do. I wouldn't have done it, if I'd carved myself out a bedrock cornerstone of the modern world, but I guess this is why I'm one of "the poors." Lack of vision. I'm not thinking like a disruptor.
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 19/05/2026
Jesus fucking Christ man
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 19/05/2026
I hope that guy with the Philly sports bar in Japan makes Japanese fetishization of Philadelphia so widespread that The Pokémon Company makes an entirely mediocre set of Gen 11 games in the region.
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Slideshare Gems @goodslides.bsky.social · 19/05/2026
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 19/05/2026
Me: "So, a guy, going through some life changes." TV Exec, bored: "Mmhm." Me: "His job is hell. He's navigating two separate potential budding romances with very different girls. Daddy issues. Finding his place in the world." Exec: *yawn* Me: "Aaand he's a super hero?" Exec, eyes wide: "Go on!"
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 19/05/2026
I wonder if running like 8 Ring cameras around your house to turn it into a low-security prison and Amazon data harvesting site can have a deleterious effect on your internet speeds and stability. Anyway, it's back to a jittery 20 up/down, so I expect to be interrogated on if I'm watching streams.
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 19/05/2026
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 18/05/2026
Uh-oh. Set down my glasses, dunno where. My girlfriend is out for another two hours almost. Guess I'm basically blind for a while. Good thing she loves me and isn't skipping town, or I'd be blind forever.
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 18/05/2026
The face my doctor made when I said my living situation has cameras in almost every room but mine communicated horror, and then something like "I thought I got it, but I didn't, but NOW I get it." Which was grounding for me! Except for how that's basically only the start of the issues here.
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 18/05/2026
lmao
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 18/05/2026
Okay, but people will vouch to this one. If I'm a genius anything, it's sexual. And I am shockingly horny, and always testing the limits of my abilities.
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 17/05/2026
Me when I recognize the police from my picture book.
Rap artist Chuggo delivering the line, "That's the police," from his famous verse:

See that kid stealing? (Yeah.)
That was a thief!
See them dudes behind him? (Yeah.)
That's the police!
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Slideshare Gems @goodslides.bsky.social · 17/05/2026
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 17/05/2026
Average thirty-something when someone suggests learning a new skill.
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 17/05/2026
Nintendo fans, Christian fundamentalists, and the Boston Celtics. If you can guess why Ashley's brain has drawn an association between these three, you win a prize (TBD, $0 value).
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Gef the Toking Mongoose @geftokingmongoose.bsky.social · 15/05/2026
Pro wrestling is so important
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 16/05/2026
Idiot picked a turtle.
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 15/05/2026
I am officially elevating Millennial nostalgia to a Code Orange on the Homeland Security Advisory System.
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 15/05/2026
I don't not-repost porn because I'm embarrassed by the porn I consume. I don't repost porn because I have many concurrent horny friendships where we send each other porn constantly, and it's more fun to get to see them react to me lighting them up with something that's mutually our shit.
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 15/05/2026
As with every porn site, I'm pansexual, give me all three.
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BearhAHHH!!t @fussybabybit.ch · 13/05/2026
Just saw the most Reddit reddit post where a guy is posting screencaps from his cruising app asking "Is this a good first dick to suck?" like first off it depends entirely on your build
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 14/05/2026
Neat.
A screenshot of Pokémon Shin Blue, showing the feminine trainer design that can be selected. The text reads, "Right! So your name is ASHLEY!"
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 14/05/2026
No account makes me mutter, "It's me," more regularly.
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Mark J. Nelson @mm-jj-nn.bsky.social · 13/05/2026
interesting rationale from a prospective juror in the Elon Musk Twitter stock manipulation case
Judge Breyer: Okay. Thank you very much. Juror 96, I think that you also have strong views. Could you set them aside?

Juror 96: I believe that in a criminal trial, I would feel morally obligated to convict. However, in a civil trial, I feel I can set those views aside.

Judge Breyer: That’s interesting.

Juror 96: I’m happy to expand.

Judge Breyer: Sure.

Juror 96: I believe it would be to the benefit of the human race were Mr. Musk to be sent to prison. However, I don’t believe a loss of several hundreds of millions of dollars in a civil trial would be even a drop in the bucket to his wealth, so it doesn’t really matter. Therefore, I would be able to consider the facts.
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 14/05/2026
Sports are so over.
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 13/05/2026
Maybe I'm a Coen brothers character.
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 13/05/2026
My parents have surprised me with a birthday meal featuring the aforementioned sprouted potatoes.
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 12/05/2026
Accepting testimonials. Close friends and loved ones who've had a longtime window into my life preferred, but all are welcome.
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 12/05/2026
Oh, okay, I think my mother's dog is dying on my birthday. Oh, okay, she panicked so loud, it woke my ailing girlfriend on a couple hours sleep on a work day. Oh, okay, she might not be available to drive Ruby to work now, after our car was eaten by squirrels. Oh, another day with no mechanic, too.
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 12/05/2026
Okay man, I get it! Fuck!
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Homestar Screens @grapenutsrobot.graphics · 11/05/2026
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 12/05/2026
He (left) was a boy She (right) was a girl Can I make it any more obvious?
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 11/05/2026
This is how it'd go in real life, too. I'd ask the Fireworks Guy to launch a big heart-shaped firework after I pop the question. Ruby would go butch, and demand I go fem. Very true to life.
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 11/05/2026
After much deliberation. (I needed to think about pointless shit for a while.)
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 11/05/2026
I prefer [old game] but [new game] is objectively better with more content and quality of life, so you should play that one instead of the one I incorrecltly like better.
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 11/05/2026
Spoilers for Pinnochio
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Nick Piccone @piccone.bsky.social · 10/05/2026
sorry but this is funny as hell
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Brad Lynch @marinov1.bsky.social · 10/05/2026
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 10/05/2026
My girlfriend developing alarming medical symptoms the day after squirrels eat our car is the kind of detail you tack onto this long chain of events I've lived through to gaslight me into believing there is a God, and he's testing my lack of faith in him. I'm some kind of reverse Job. I'm Jobless.
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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 09/05/2026
Oh boy, it's Saturday, a day I can't do anything productive. Thus am I forced to simply play a video game! I wonder what I'll play! There are so many options... ... ..... ....... ...
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