Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 23/10/2026Crowd going completely nuts for this extremely funny comeback. We love our carnivals. 110 1
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 19/10/2026Last night I watched Mulholland Drive (2001). Great final movie to watch. Wrote this to conclude a kinda rambling attempt to interpret the film on Letterboxd. 230 3
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 19/10/2026The human brain searches for patterns and meaning even where it makes no sense to. Therefore, as an inhabitant of the greater Philadelphia area, I am certain the Eagles' ridiculous list of injuries portends doom for my surgery. 130 3
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 14/10/2026lmao I'm zaftig, as they say, and yet my big fat tits have little fat at all. They're nearly entirely milk glands and ducts, and supportive tissure. Cowtits City. It's the funniest possible result, so of course I got it. 010 1
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 14/10/2026Oh, also I don't have breast cancer. They think. Hard to tell because my tits are such milkers. 010 1
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 14/10/2026Anyway, I'm cow. (Breasts are dense tissue and fat. Dense tissue is milk glands, milk ducts, and supportive tissue. Despite being plesantly plump, my titties are made up of an extremely high degree of dense tissue.) 120 2
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 03/10/2026Today when coming out of the bathroom, I noticed a blue light turn on briefly to my left. I squinted, then stood in the doorway to the bathroom and took a few pics. Can't say for sure that I know how long my mother has been watching my partner and I's bathroom activity on a hidden camera. 100 1
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 03/10/2026Reactivated my account in order to share a peek into why Ashley has suffered a steep decline in emotional stability and sanity the past year. The doors in between the mess are to the bathroom Ruby and I were assigned, and my mother's room. House is a hoarder's nest, but that's not what I'm sharing. 110 1
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 22/05/2026I am surrounded by decisive people who never give me mixed signals. 000 0
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 17/05/2026Me when I recognize the police from my picture book. 040 4
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 17/05/2026Average thirty-something when someone suggests learning a new skill. 163 6
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 15/05/2026I am officially elevating Millennial nostalgia to a Code Orange on the Homeland Security Advisory System. 021 2
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 15/05/2026As with every porn site, I'm pansexual, give me all three. 010 1
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 12/05/2026Accepting testimonials. Close friends and loved ones who've had a longtime window into my life preferred, but all are welcome. 220 2
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 12/05/2026He (left) was a boy She (right) was a girl Can I make it any more obvious? 130 3
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 11/05/2026This is how it'd go in real life, too. We'd take a bunch of pictures on our honeymoon, we'd never get one where were both not blinking, and then as a souvenir Ruby would get me a... uh. Hrm. Okay, don't know why she'd get me another one. That part's not so true. Order's wrong. 020 2
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 11/05/2026This is how it'd go in real life, too. We'd be celebrated by Larry David, dril, Elaine, Wilson, semi-retired porn stars and anime girls, and the one real life friend who committed years ago to fly out for it if Ruby and I ever get married. And then we'd go to Switzerland, I guess. Very true to life. 210 2
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 11/05/2026This is how it'd go in real life, too. I'd ask the Fireworks Guy to launch a big heart-shaped firework after I pop the question. Ruby would go butch, and demand I go fem. Very true to life. 140 4
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 11/05/2026Oh I'm a dumb cow, that's BDSP, not beloved rental challenge game Battle Revolution. Into the abyss you go. 010 1
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 11/05/2026After much deliberation. (I needed to think about pointless shit for a while.) 220 2
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 09/05/2026Phillies and Flyers yesterday, when the squirrels ate our car wires. Phillies and Sixers today, when I couldn't get any mechanics to talk to me. 000 0
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 07/05/2026Does anyone know about cars enough to tell me what we do about this? As per Ruby: "There's also a thinner ribbon like cable behind it that's damaged too that I only noticed after I took the pics" 312 3
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 06/05/2026NL announces cruise → I unfollow → NL cancels it, apologizes → I refollow → NL's wife makes him put her over-animated Vtuber gif on screen → I stop watching out of necessity → I learn it's attracting weird Vtuber culture AND also he's trained his viewers to use 'unemployed' as an insult → I unfollow 021 2
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 03/05/2026Me, tickled to see a Moog Modular: "Hey, baby, look what YouTube's putting on my front page." Ruby: "Oh, someone who came out as trans later? That's cool." Me, staring intensely at phone: "....." Ruby: "Oh, I guess the Moog?" Me, having ignored everything but the Moog: "Baby, what the fuck" 330 3
Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 03/05/2026THEY'RE GREASING THE POLES IN SOUTH JERSEY!!!!! 100 1
