Sign in

T'Other Simon

@tothersimon.bsky.social
882 followers 269 following 4K posts

I'm only in it for the funny. Middle distance punner and ukulele-botherer/'singer' with the multiple award-winning musical comedy idiots Plastic Jeezus. www.plasticjeezus.co.uk

PostsRepliesMedia
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 16h
I've held off writing this, because I think it'll probably make me sound like a madman, but I recently posted a joke on Threads and the replies are *really* infuriating me - by joining in, but missing the joke entirely. I posted 'The most gullible 90s band was easily Suede'. I wrote it years ago.
150
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 18h
Took my daughter to an aquarium recently. She was *delighted* to see this black and white fish. "Look Dad! It's FINDING EMO!".
A black and white clown fish. Maybe. Or some other sort of fish. I don't know. I'm not David bloody Attenborough.
519723
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Anyone here use Meta's Business Suite and finding themselves having to close this god-awful pop-up every time they use it? It's the in-app equivalent of the checkout person at WHSmith trying to sell you some crap you didn't want. "Would you like a pack of ballpoint pens with that bottle of water?"
A pop-up suggesting that you could use some shitty AI agent to reply to customers, instead of - you know - actually engaging with them.
200
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
"Let's play Mariokart" "Great! Can I be Toad?" "No you'll have to drive, just like everyone else"
051
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Interviewer: "What's your biggest weakness?" Me: "I can be too self-replicating" Interviewer: "You mean 'self-deprecating'?" Us: "Nope"
0205
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Two Short Silly Songs.
111
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
🎶Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty You're listening to the treasurer of the local darts committee🎶
172
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
I've got a well-paid job, filling small choux buns with cream. It's a profitablerole.
3185
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
If you like the idea of sharing a joke, then having various people reply to you with the same joke, except with significantly inferior wording, I *highly* recommend an app called 'Threads'.
090
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
What relation is Cardi to Plan?
020
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
There are not enough 'Absolutely fucking not's in the universe.
Facebook encouraging me to use AI shite on an already fairly harrowing picture of myself.
040
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
The name 'Bob Marley' should always be written in a sans-sheriff typeface.
1162
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
My wife and I sometimes like to wander around aimlessly. Just me and 'er.
181
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
That's taking the piss.
Headline: Special agents' blood and urine test results stolen in FBI hack
182
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Just picked up a bargain at the Consommé Superstore. All their stock is reduced to clear.
23812
Reposted by T'Other Simon
Steve Morrison @chopper32.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
So should Penrith, and Lhanbryde
111
Reposted by T'Other Simon
Ed Losty @elosty.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Pontefract should be in Wales.
331
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Biggleswade sounds too northern to be located where it is. I demand an enquiry.
200
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Here are a couple of songs that are NOT suitable for children.
050
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Like many other losers, I suffer from crippling self doubt. If we do a gig and it goes well, it was probably just fluke, if we get booked for something exciting, it's probably just an error and we'll be horribly out of our depth. That sort of thing. I am my own worst critic*.
250
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Just been thinking about how hilariously literal the word 'eyelid' is. "Finished with your eye for the day? Well don't leave it open. Pop a lid on it, so it'll be fresh for the next day".
110
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Q. What's the difference between gammon and bacon? A. I've never lost my trousers playing back-bacon.
272
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Trump just can't stop himself damaging a pool, can he?
040
Reposted by T'Other Simon
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 19/05/2026
Me: "I'm gonna go to KFC. Want anything? Your usual? Hot wings?" Icarus: "Oh, piss off"
03011
Reposted by T'Other Simon
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 23/01/2025
"I just bought some discounted boat-shoes at Clarks" "Oh great. Do they have a sale on?" "No, I think you've misunderstood the name. They're just normal shoes"
2364
Reposted by T'Other Simon
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 21/11/2024
The name Jenny is short for 'Jennifer', and using similar principles, that would certainly explain why my ex was called Lucy.
7927
Reposted by T'Other Simon
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 11/12/2024
Looks more like basil to me.
A recipe for 'Pot Pizza', with a picture of two pizzas, with fresh basil on them.
71527
Reposted by T'Other Simon
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 11/01/2025
"Hello. Police? Yes. I'd like to report a serious crime, please"
Some absolute monster has made a scotch egg, but with a whole potato instead of an egg.
1417432
Reposted by T'Other Simon
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 12/10/2025
No it doesn't.
A picture saying 'Nursery rhymes with Justin Fletcher'.
325181
Reposted by T'Other Simon
Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Christening a baby is nothing like christening a ship. I know that now. Once again I can only apologise.
159190993844
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Is it 'Fuck Religion, Fuck Politics, Fuck the Lot of You' by Chaotic Dischord? youtu.be/ePSHDNL-_w8
youtu.be
Fuck Religion, Fuck Politics, Fuck The Lot Of You!
YouTube video by Chaotic Dischord - Topic
051
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Very odd day. Spent it being the father of an eighteen year old. Never done that before.
1110
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Public-speaking can be a pretty daunting experience.
030
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Dunno why Mark Lamarr was opening for Ed Sheeran anyway.
010
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Today is an embarrassing day to be an Ed Sheeran fan. That makes 12,994 days in a row.
040
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
We've decided to change our set around and end with this one. Friday was the first time we'd tried it. Here's how it went...
182
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Just finished Colin from Accounts. Beautiful. *That* song was perfect. Ah man. That's how you do it.
021
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Fun gig this evening. Very good for my pathetic ego, particularly when the (really quite famous) headliner opened the conversation with "You guys are doing alright for yourselves, aren't you? I've had a few people ask me if I know you". Yeah you do. Now off you pop, to film Live at the Apollo.
260
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
"No, the Taj Mahal is great, if you like that sort of thing". E.M. Forster - A Pass-Agg to India.
020
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
If I got a mogwai and they told me that I mustn't feed it 'after midnight', I'd ask way more questions. Like isn't it ALWAYS after midnight? At what point does it reset? What about the clocks changing? What if I take it to a different time zone? That guy deserved everything he got.
020
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Watching 'Masterchef Australia' and one of the contestants, named Pat, is doing some butchery. They've just referred to him as 'Butcher Pat'. FFS. COME ON, 'PAT BUTCHER' WAS RIGHT THERE.
040
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Band idea: A hard rock band who sing exclusively about the story of Hansel & Gretel, named '...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Bread'.
011
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Just bought some second hand baby shoes in *perfect* condition.
110
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Shania Twain was discovered by a music unimpressario.
030
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
You don't need me to tell you this - but the new Jon Ronson book - 'The Castle' is well worth a read/listen. /message ends/
230
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Here's a silly song I wrote, where all* the words start with the same letter. Why? Why not. *Sort of.
1110
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Thought it'd be fun to sweep my hair over to one side. "I'll look like Phil Oakey", I thought. Nope. Turns out I look like I'm about to insist on speaking to your manager.
Me, looking like... well... what I described.
160
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Whoever heard of a farmer called 'Bingo', anyway?
110
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
You can throw a dog a stick, but you shouldn't throw a catalogue.
050
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Q. Which EastEnders star's advice about foraging is the most succinct? A. Nick Berry's.
120