T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 16hI've held off writing this, because I think it'll probably make me sound like a madman, but I recently posted a joke on Threads and the replies are *really* infuriating me - by joining in, but missing the joke entirely. I posted 'The most gullible 90s band was easily Suede'. I wrote it years ago. 150
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 18hTook my daughter to an aquarium recently. She was *delighted* to see this black and white fish. "Look Dad! It's FINDING EMO!". 519723
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 30/09/2026Anyone here use Meta's Business Suite and finding themselves having to close this god-awful pop-up every time they use it? It's the in-app equivalent of the checkout person at WHSmith trying to sell you some crap you didn't want. "Would you like a pack of ballpoint pens with that bottle of water?" 200
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 29/09/2026"Let's play Mariokart" "Great! Can I be Toad?" "No you'll have to drive, just like everyone else" 051
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 29/09/2026Interviewer: "What's your biggest weakness?" Me: "I can be too self-replicating" Interviewer: "You mean 'self-deprecating'?" Us: "Nope" 0205
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 27/09/2026🎶Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty You're listening to the treasurer of the local darts committee🎶 172
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 27/09/2026I've got a well-paid job, filling small choux buns with cream. It's a profitablerole. 3185
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 27/09/2026If you like the idea of sharing a joke, then having various people reply to you with the same joke, except with significantly inferior wording, I *highly* recommend an app called 'Threads'. 090
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 26/09/2026There are not enough 'Absolutely fucking not's in the universe. 040
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 26/09/2026The name 'Bob Marley' should always be written in a sans-sheriff typeface. 1162
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 25/09/2026My wife and I sometimes like to wander around aimlessly. Just me and 'er. 181
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 25/09/2026Just picked up a bargain at the Consommé Superstore. All their stock is reduced to clear. 23812
Reposted by T'Other SimonSteve Morrison @chopper32.bsky.social · 25/09/2026So should Penrith, and Lhanbryde 111
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 25/09/2026Biggleswade sounds too northern to be located where it is. I demand an enquiry. 200
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Here are a couple of songs that are NOT suitable for children. 050
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 23/09/2026Like many other losers, I suffer from crippling self doubt. If we do a gig and it goes well, it was probably just fluke, if we get booked for something exciting, it's probably just an error and we'll be horribly out of our depth. That sort of thing. I am my own worst critic*. 250
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 23/09/2026Just been thinking about how hilariously literal the word 'eyelid' is. "Finished with your eye for the day? Well don't leave it open. Pop a lid on it, so it'll be fresh for the next day". 110
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 22/09/2026Q. What's the difference between gammon and bacon? A. I've never lost my trousers playing back-bacon. 272
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 21/09/2026Trump just can't stop himself damaging a pool, can he? 040
Reposted by T'Other SimonT'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 19/05/2026Me: "I'm gonna go to KFC. Want anything? Your usual? Hot wings?" Icarus: "Oh, piss off" 03011
Reposted by T'Other SimonT'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 23/01/2025"I just bought some discounted boat-shoes at Clarks" "Oh great. Do they have a sale on?" "No, I think you've misunderstood the name. They're just normal shoes" 2364
Reposted by T'Other SimonT'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 21/11/2024The name Jenny is short for 'Jennifer', and using similar principles, that would certainly explain why my ex was called Lucy. 7927
Reposted by T'Other SimonT'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 11/12/2024Looks more like basil to me. 71527
Reposted by T'Other SimonT'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 11/01/2025"Hello. Police? Yes. I'd like to report a serious crime, please" 1417432
Reposted by T'Other SimonSteven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 20/09/2026Christening a baby is nothing like christening a ship. I know that now. Once again I can only apologise. 159190993844
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 20/09/2026Is it 'Fuck Religion, Fuck Politics, Fuck the Lot of You' by Chaotic Dischord? youtu.be/ePSHDNL-_w8youtu.beFuck Religion, Fuck Politics, Fuck The Lot Of You!YouTube video by Chaotic Dischord - Topic 051
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Very odd day. Spent it being the father of an eighteen year old. Never done that before. 1110
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 16/09/2026Public-speaking can be a pretty daunting experience. 030
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 15/09/2026Dunno why Mark Lamarr was opening for Ed Sheeran anyway. 010
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 15/09/2026Today is an embarrassing day to be an Ed Sheeran fan. That makes 12,994 days in a row. 040
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 14/09/2026We've decided to change our set around and end with this one. Friday was the first time we'd tried it. Here's how it went... 182
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 13/09/2026Just finished Colin from Accounts. Beautiful. *That* song was perfect. Ah man. That's how you do it. 021
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 11/09/2026Fun gig this evening. Very good for my pathetic ego, particularly when the (really quite famous) headliner opened the conversation with "You guys are doing alright for yourselves, aren't you? I've had a few people ask me if I know you". Yeah you do. Now off you pop, to film Live at the Apollo. 260
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 10/09/2026"No, the Taj Mahal is great, if you like that sort of thing". E.M. Forster - A Pass-Agg to India. 020
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 09/09/2026If I got a mogwai and they told me that I mustn't feed it 'after midnight', I'd ask way more questions. Like isn't it ALWAYS after midnight? At what point does it reset? What about the clocks changing? What if I take it to a different time zone? That guy deserved everything he got. 020
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 08/09/2026Watching 'Masterchef Australia' and one of the contestants, named Pat, is doing some butchery. They've just referred to him as 'Butcher Pat'. FFS. COME ON, 'PAT BUTCHER' WAS RIGHT THERE. 040
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 08/09/2026Band idea: A hard rock band who sing exclusively about the story of Hansel & Gretel, named '...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Bread'. 011
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 08/09/2026Just bought some second hand baby shoes in *perfect* condition. 110
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 08/09/2026Shania Twain was discovered by a music unimpressario. 030
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 08/09/2026You don't need me to tell you this - but the new Jon Ronson book - 'The Castle' is well worth a read/listen. /message ends/ 230
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 07/09/2026Here's a silly song I wrote, where all* the words start with the same letter. Why? Why not. *Sort of. 1110
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 07/09/2026Thought it'd be fun to sweep my hair over to one side. "I'll look like Phil Oakey", I thought. Nope. Turns out I look like I'm about to insist on speaking to your manager. 160
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 07/09/2026Whoever heard of a farmer called 'Bingo', anyway? 110
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 07/09/2026You can throw a dog a stick, but you shouldn't throw a catalogue. 050
T'Other Simon @tothersimon.bsky.social · 07/09/2026Q. Which EastEnders star's advice about foraging is the most succinct? A. Nick Berry's. 120