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torstferatu

@torstenjanus.bsky.social
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 4h
Just remembered he released his first Prison Diary using the pen name FF 8282 (his prisoner number). Even though everyone knew it was by him he presumably thought he was highlighting the dehumanisation of incarceration and how he was now just another number in the system, man (the silly twat).
The cover of "The Prison Diary" by "FF 8282" showing the bars of a cell door.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Jeffrey Archer once won a court case because the judge thought his wife smelled nice. However, this has proved not to be enough for what many see as the ultimate judgement (death).
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
"All the girls in France do the Digger Rockwell dance"
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Je suis Julie
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Julie, if you're reading this... Let's give it another go.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
RIP Marjoe Gortner. Interesting life story. Also once twatted a giant chicken on screen. youtu.be/rfHQ8PpIWFM?...
youtu.be
Food of the Gods (1976) - Man attacked by Giant Chicken
YouTube video by Ross Williams
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
C I N E M A youtu.be/xJyyNN_rrnM?...
youtu.be
AMSTERDAMNED (1988) - CANAL SPEEDBOAT CHASE
YouTube video by Thomas the Thinker
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Up your game, JAV Titles.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Speedboat chase in Amsterdamned
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
(something something this is actually the real horror something etc)
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Only ever seen clips of this show - usually highlighting what a grotesque exploitative spectacle it was - and, yep, this doc shows it was exactly that. Slightly marred perhaps by the (regretful/ambivalent) participants interviewed having a big cathartic singalong to Pink at the end 😭
Poster for documentary The Swan Behind The Mirror (about the reality show The Swan) showing a woman with a mostly-bandaged face wearing a crown
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Harvey's always liked giving a chance to young, up & coming film-makers.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Someone in the marketing department must have said: "Let's... make Captain Birdseye cyberpunk!"
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
This is nothing compared to when they turned Captain Birdseye into a young hunk with a submarine. None of that captain's table shit. Sexiness and danger! These aren't your parents' fish fingers! (I think everybody must have hated it though because he soon went back to being a salty old sea dog)
The short-lived young Captain Birdseye
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Elton John did the same with Axl Rose in the 90s. He loves trying to rehabilitate/validate homophobes.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Anyone in their 70s now would have been in their 20s when punk happened.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Copyrighting the campaign slogan "Get Br-ack to where we once belonged" right now (Cease & Desist order from Paul McCartney notwithstanding).
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
The first trailer for this was all about the Master Of Misfits returning. What's happened? Were not enough people excited at the Master Of Misfits returning? Are they now trying to pull in all the people who don't care about the return of the Master Of Misfits??  (It still looks shit of course)
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
In the next James Bond film, Q will introduce him to the latest Meta recording devices and the rest of the film will just be Bond hanging around city centres at night secretly filming groups of women who've had a few drinks.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
(Not sure it really works but) Captain America: Civil Wor
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
In this timeline, did Nirvana carry on and did Dave Grohl stay a drummer? Sounds good!
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Being racist and weird again, Fawlty?
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
I respect our British culture. DO YOU?
A photograph of a sailor doing the Yard Of Ale Challenge, compèred by a Pearly King. (Origin unknown)
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Just spilt coffee over my last pack of Rizlas.
Two pictures of Ed Sheeran looking sad
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
The signs were always there.
Blurry clipping from a q & a with 25-year old Liz Truss where she says the last record she bought was Toploader's Onka's Big Moka
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Shame they didn't think of this when The Queen was still alive.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
(Older readers will recognise this as The Thrashing Doves Syndrome)
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
I always felt sorry for that band Drenge, who Watson used to constantly big up to burnish his cool-dad persona. They've been inactive since 2020, possibly for other reasons obviously, but I wouldn't blame them if they'd just split up out of sheer embarrassment.
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Reposted by torstferatu
torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 19/12/2025
David Walliams' real surname is actually the more common Williams so it was quite considerate of him to change it to something unique so anyone called David Williams wouldn't have to add "Not THAT one" to their bio.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Come back, everyone! It's all sorted now.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
🎵 They played the fiddle in Ed Sheeran's band But decided: fuck this English man 🎵
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Ooh, Burnham will be dying to say something like: "This is the best line-up this venue's seen since Festival Of The Tenth Summer in 1986!" (which he'll probably claim to have been at)
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Screenshot from the above clip of John Stones, his expression a mixture of despair and bewilderment.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
RIP Catherine Ringer. Les Rita Mitsouko had some proper bangers. youtu.be/fGZRVGlGZ6A?...
youtu.be
Les Rita Mitsouko - C'est comme ça (Clip Officiel)
YouTube video by Les Rita Mitsouko
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
In the interests of fairness / to avoid abuse from furious Sheeran stans, he issued a pissy statement about how the reason he hired the anti-homeless spikes specialists was actually to keep out the press. I guess he didn't really consider the anti-homeless aspect of the anti-homeless spikes...
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Remember when former (fake backstory) homeless man Ed Sheeran hired an anti-homeless-spikes company (who boasted about how great their anti-homeless spikes were at keeping homeless people away from your property) to install anti-homeless spikes outside one of his many big houses? I do.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
My friend cuts my hair for me. She doesn't have a licence. Am I a future walking crime scene? Will I have to hand myself into the police? OH MY GOD Oh wait, it's the Lib Dems lol
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
A couple of months after the film ones, the tv Baftas invited the heads of the New York City Fire Department on stage as special guests, who received a long, emotional standing ovation. They then got them to present the Best Soap award to Eastenders.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
There was also this dvd that was due out a few weeks after 9/11 which got pulled from release. Even Danger Mouse got caught up in it!
The cover of the never-released(?) Danger Mouse dvd The Tower Of Terror that shows DM and Penfold fleeing said building.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
In an alternate universe, there is a version of The Proclaimers who have sound, progressive views and people are attacking them and saying: more like The Woke-claimers!
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Just remembered Delfin's 9/11 tribute: youtu.be/h9yvb03R2qs?...
youtu.be
Delfin Twin Towers
YouTube video by 321ebutuoy
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Reposted by torstferatu
torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
This post has reminded me that there was a 9/11 issue of Spider-Man (which the so-called 'super heroes' failed to prevent, of course) where even the supervillains - no shrinking violets when it comes to death and destruction, remember - were appalled and upset. (Cheers dr dooms crying, Nice one)
Image from Spider-Man: Stand Tall (2001, J. Michael Straczynski & John Romita Jr) showing Dr Doom and other Marvel villains surveying the wreckage at Ground Zero. 
The narration reads:

Even those we thought our enemies are here. Because some things surpass rivalries and borders.Image from Spider-Man: Stand Tall (2001, J. Michael Straczynski & John Romita Jr) showing the supervillains surveying the wreckage at Ground Zero. 
The narration reads:

Because the story of humanity is written not in towers but in tears. In the common coin of blood and bone. In the voice that speaks within even the worst of us and says: This Is Not Right.Image from Spider-Man: Stand Tall (2001, J. Michael Straczynski & John Romita Jr) showing a close-up of Dr Doom's crying eyes.
The narration reads:

Because even the worst of us, however scarred, are still human. Stlll feel. Still mourn the random death of innocents.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
He was such a funny guy! RIP
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
One minor thing that distracted me way more than it probably should have is the way Samuel L. Jackson keeps calling her 'love'; like his character was originally written as British and nobody (including Jackson himself) could be arsed changing the script.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
"A woman being beaten up by an angry, violent mob? I must have missed that"
Chris Kamara not noticing a player had been sent off.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Remember that cool French retro detective kid that turned up outside the Louvre heist? We don't have that sort of thing in England. The closest we've got is a guy who wants to fuck his cousins.
The French kid who dresses like an old private investigator, stood with some gendarmes.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Finally got that 5th place all to herself.
Screenshot of Trending topics:
1. Saxony-Anhalt state election
2. Lisa Baum scores for Arsenal Women
3. US-Canada trade feud escalates
4. Coyote vs. Acme
5. Riley Gaines comments on WNBA crowd
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Comic strip panel of The Hulk lying on some grass with his eyes closed. He is saying: Hulk will sleep now and maybe when Hulk wakes up ---- everything that has made Hulk tired will be changed!Comic book panel showing The Hulk lying on some grass with his eyes closed. A thought bubble has been edited in containing the picture in the quoted post (which depicts him having sex with a Porsche)
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Well, maybe if there's a new Falklands War, we'll have to send him away on loan like Spurs did with Ardiles.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
I don't think it's enough to qualify as a Spate but I'm seeing an increasing amount of anti-dog owner graffiti around. Stay alert, doggo pals.
A wall with some spray-painted graffiti on including the sentence: FUCK THE WOMAN WITH THE DOG. A metal wall panel with the words STOP CARRYING YOUR DOG, IT'S WEIRD written on in marker pen.
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