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torstferatu

@torstenjanus.bsky.social
80 followers 99 following 1.1K posts
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Just remembered he released his first Prison Diary using the pen name FF 8282 (his prisoner number). Even though everyone knew it was by him he presumably thought he was highlighting the dehumanisation of incarceration and how he was now just another number in the system, man (the silly twat).
The cover of "The Prison Diary" by "FF 8282" showing the bars of a cell door.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Only ever seen clips of this show - usually highlighting what a grotesque exploitative spectacle it was - and, yep, this doc shows it was exactly that. Slightly marred perhaps by the (regretful/ambivalent) participants interviewed having a big cathartic singalong to Pink at the end 😭
Poster for documentary The Swan Behind The Mirror (about the reality show The Swan) showing a woman with a mostly-bandaged face wearing a crown
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Someone in the marketing department must have said: "Let's... make Captain Birdseye cyberpunk!"
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
This is nothing compared to when they turned Captain Birdseye into a young hunk with a submarine. None of that captain's table shit. Sexiness and danger! These aren't your parents' fish fingers! (I think everybody must have hated it though because he soon went back to being a salty old sea dog)
The short-lived young Captain Birdseye
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
I respect our British culture. DO YOU?
A photograph of a sailor doing the Yard Of Ale Challenge, compèred by a Pearly King. (Origin unknown)
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Just spilt coffee over my last pack of Rizlas.
Two pictures of Ed Sheeran looking sad
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
The signs were always there.
Blurry clipping from a q & a with 25-year old Liz Truss where she says the last record she bought was Toploader's Onka's Big Moka
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Screenshot from the above clip of John Stones, his expression a mixture of despair and bewilderment.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
There was also this dvd that was due out a few weeks after 9/11 which got pulled from release. Even Danger Mouse got caught up in it!
The cover of the never-released(?) Danger Mouse dvd The Tower Of Terror that shows DM and Penfold fleeing said building.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
"A woman being beaten up by an angry, violent mob? I must have missed that"
Chris Kamara not noticing a player had been sent off.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Remember that cool French retro detective kid that turned up outside the Louvre heist? We don't have that sort of thing in England. The closest we've got is a guy who wants to fuck his cousins.
The French kid who dresses like an old private investigator, stood with some gendarmes.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Finally got that 5th place all to herself.
Screenshot of Trending topics:
1. Saxony-Anhalt state election
2. Lisa Baum scores for Arsenal Women
3. US-Canada trade feud escalates
4. Coyote vs. Acme
5. Riley Gaines comments on WNBA crowd
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Comic strip panel of The Hulk lying on some grass with his eyes closed. He is saying: Hulk will sleep now and maybe when Hulk wakes up ---- everything that has made Hulk tired will be changed!Comic book panel showing The Hulk lying on some grass with his eyes closed. A thought bubble has been edited in containing the picture in the quoted post (which depicts him having sex with a Porsche)
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
I don't think it's enough to qualify as a Spate but I'm seeing an increasing amount of anti-dog owner graffiti around. Stay alert, doggo pals.
A wall with some spray-painted graffiti on including the sentence: FUCK THE WOMAN WITH THE DOG. A metal wall panel with the words STOP CARRYING YOUR DOG, IT'S WEIRD written on in marker pen.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
"Hello, come to watch my book being pul-I mean, donated to schools, libraries and hospitals across the UK, US and other territories worldwide"
Alan Partridge watching his book being pulped.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
Post a picture that should be an album cover. (I'm thinking either Christian right-baiting 80s US punks or one of those Drugs Are Like Religious Ecstasy-type acts)
Slightly blurred photo of the back of a man (a religious street preacher) wearing a chunky white cardigan. On the back is written: If I die tonight, do I know for sure I'll go to heaven? Pray with us.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
This post has reminded me that there was a 9/11 issue of Spider-Man (which the so-called 'super heroes' failed to prevent, of course) where even the supervillains - no shrinking violets when it comes to death and destruction, remember - were appalled and upset. (Cheers dr dooms crying, Nice one)
Image from Spider-Man: Stand Tall (2001, J. Michael Straczynski & John Romita Jr) showing Dr Doom and other Marvel villains surveying the wreckage at Ground Zero. 
The narration reads:

Even those we thought our enemies are here. Because some things surpass rivalries and borders.Image from Spider-Man: Stand Tall (2001, J. Michael Straczynski & John Romita Jr) showing the supervillains surveying the wreckage at Ground Zero. 
The narration reads:

Because the story of humanity is written not in towers but in tears. In the common coin of blood and bone. In the voice that speaks within even the worst of us and says: This Is Not Right.Image from Spider-Man: Stand Tall (2001, J. Michael Straczynski & John Romita Jr) showing a close-up of Dr Doom's crying eyes.
The narration reads:

Because even the worst of us, however scarred, are still human. Stlll feel. Still mourn the random death of innocents.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
Your favourite magazine's back in stock.
A rack of magazines with one called Improve Your Life With ChatGPT at the centre. The cover shows a man and a woman looking absolutely delighted at a tablet, presumably because they can now get a bit of computer code to do all their thinking for them.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
Danny from Gotham City agrees with you.
Comic strip panel from Batman: The Hungry Grass (1991, Peter Milligan and Jim Aparo):
A man and a woman are leaving a screening of Wild At Heart.
The woman is saying "Well, I liked it Danny. All that Elvis stuff was a scream!"
The man replies "I know he's going commercial but it was like another director doing a David Lynch rip off..."
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
I kept expecting it to suddenly cut to this
Screenshot from Brazil (1985) showing Peter Vaughan and Michael Palin. (Spoiler) It's the moment where the viewer realises they've been watching a deluded fantasy sequence and the protagonist is still strapped to a chair having gone permanently insane.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
ROSE OF NEVADA (Dir. Mark Jenkin, 2025) I think I've admired Jenkin's previous two films more than actually properly liked them but this - his best yet, about a (possibly) cursed, time-jumping fishing boat - proves he's a real one. #Filmsky 📽️
Poster for ROSE OF NEVADA showing an anxious-looking Callum Turner and George Mackay in trawlermen gear.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
Gif from Pulp Fiction of Samuel L Jackson and John Travolta. A subtitle reads: They're you're clothes, motherfucker
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
Tried to take a picture of the eclipse earlier but the one bit of uncovered sun pushed its way to the front and ruined the shot. Do better next time, Moon.
The Eclipse! And a big glow.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 09/08/2026
Welcome to the UK.
A comic strip panel titled A TOWN FULL OF BABIES! showing two confused men looking around at a bunch of babies.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 08/08/2026
If you see this, reply with a picture that illustrates what it's like living in the UK.
An illustration showing the longitudinal of a septic tank and its different levels.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
Stop being shocked and acting like sexy lobster people are this new thing. The Powerpuff Girls were all over this years ago.
Two photos of someone cosplaying as Him from The Powerpuff Girls. They have red skin, claws, a red corset and a pink boa. (I have no idea why I have this photo saved)
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
"Idea for a television programme: Historical Debts. Lucy Worsley and Martin Lewis journey through time to explore the evolution of owing across different centuries and cultures. Worsley must - I repeat MUST - dress up in period garb for each sequence. If she says no, Dan Snow says he's up for it"
Alan Partridge lying on his bed talking into a dictaphone.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
Personally, I think it's great we've got a prime minister who likes The Smiths.
Former UK Prime Minister and Smiths fan David Cameron stood outside Salford Lads Club
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
Screenshot from a Google search for Jimmy Savile which says people also search for: Gary Glitter, Rolf Harris, John Savile, Keir Starmer, Agnes Savile, Harvey Weinstein, Stuart Hall
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
One of my favourite stories about Kevin Keegan was how, in his early days at Liverpool, his penchant for flared trousers earned him the nickname 'Andy McDaft'. You just don't get stuff like that anymore and we're all the worse for it. Anyway, top guy who brought the fun times back for a while. RIP
Kevin Keegan in his days as Manchester City manager leaping in the air celebrating with his assistant Arthur Cox (not leaping).
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
By several country miles. Presumably greenlit by coked-up American execs who'd read about this 'Cool Britannia' 60s revival thing that was(n't actually) happening in the UK. Result: absolute dogshit where nobody involved seemed to have any sort of clue what kind of film they were actually making.
Poster for THE AVENGERS (Dir. Jeremiah Chechik, 1998) showing Uma Thurman and Ralph Fiennes in the foreground and Sean Connery's face hovering over them and lightning and fire and stuff.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
FAMINE by JOHN CHARLES DOLLMAN (1904) Saw this painting up-close earlier. Now, I'm no expert in art history but I presume this is widely acknowledged as creating the aesthetic for all that Game Of Thrones-type stuff (and also 70% of Scandinavian black metal album covers).
A painting of a hooded, skeletal figure stood on a (possibly snowy?) barren landscape surrounded by a big pack of wolves (with many others in the background) with a smattering of black vultures.  A photograph of the aforementioned painting hung on a gallery wall.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 16/07/2026
All you people with your "friends" and your "followers" and your "popularity"; you will all have forgotten what it feels like to reach such a milestone. (Even though I think half of them are now-deleted porn bots)
69 Followers
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 14/07/2026
Every footballer's official portrait should be like this. #worldcup #france #lesbleus
Photograph from 1981 of French footballer Philippe Mahut modelling the French national team white away kit. He is smiling with his hands on his and and his foot resting on a football. A woman is sat down on the floor next to him holding his leg steady.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 13/07/2026
Great actor and seemed like a great guy too. RIP
Sam Neill in In The Mouth Of Madness. He has various crosses on his face and a subtitle reads: Every species can smell its own extinction.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
I was thinking that I couldn't remember seeing the main cast in anything else (which makes their characters even more indelible maybe) but I have since realised that cinema's coolest and funniest serial killer Darwin Joston had a small role in Eraserhead.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
This bit
Napoleon (Darwin Joston) with a cigarette in his mouth and Leigh (Laurie Zimmer) looking at eachother in Assault On Precinct 13
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
My fantasy dinner guests
L-R Austin Stoker, Laurie Zimmer, Darwin Joston in Assault On Precinct 13
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 (Dir. John Carpenter, 1976) Hadn't seen this in years. I'm saying nothing original or insightful here but rewatching has reminded me that - the performances, the characters, the plot, the dialogue, the soundtrack, the filmmaking - it's an unimprovable masterpiece. #filmsky
Poster for Assault On Precinct 13
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 11/07/2026
Barry Manilow has posted this on all his official social media pages except for his Bluesky one. A shame as I think it'd go down pretty well on here.
A photo of a healthy looking Barry Manilow next to one of an unhealthy looking Mitch McConnell. The text reads: Barry Manilow is 83 and Mitch McConnell is 81... benefits of a life of sex, drugs and rock and roll!!!
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
Hydration Break
Behind-the-scenes photo from Metropolis (1927) showing Brigette Helm in her robot costume. Somebody is holding a drink with a straw for her whilst somebody else is blow-drying her costume.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
Graphic reading: What Is The Most Iconic World Cup Moment Ever?
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
At least Neymar scored
Jair Bolsonaro in a hospital bed with a tube coming out of his nose
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
All this Wonderwall chat has given me unwelcome flashbacks to last summer's Gallagher brothers comeback tour when every business was suddenly How Do You Do, Fellow Oasis Fans?
Digital advertising screen for a cybersecurity company with the tagline: "And after alllllllllll, you're my firewalllllllllllll"
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 27/06/2026
Me, earlier (for about 5 minutes).
Comic strip panel. SUDDENLY... A picture of a close-up of a bearded, bedraggled man lying down as rain falls on him. A thought bubble reads: IT.. IT'S RAINING!
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 26/06/2026
All my sandwiches gone 😥
A plate with a few crumbs on it
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 25/06/2026
Do you mean "Pig Lady Fountain" by 10 Ton Fetus? (Apologies if you meant a different pig-fountain lady)
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 22/06/2026
An old magazine ad for H.I.S. Jeans and Western Shirts with the tagline: "Jeans that turn a dude into a stud". There is a picture of three men modelling these (including a young Nick Nolte). A casually-dressed Keir Starmer has been shonkily edited into the picture.
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 20/06/2026
Thumbnail of Keir Starmer Insta video. He is stood at a lecturn. The subtitle reads: unhappy
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torstferatu @torstenjanus.bsky.social · 16/06/2026
Just got in after doing my weekly big shop and realised I forgot to buy milk which means I have to go back out again.
Young Bob sitting on the pavement with his head in his hands and looking like he's wet himself.Young Bob crying.
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