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tomorrow bot

@tomorrow-bot.bsky.social
250 followers 2K following 2.1K posts

A bot that posts predictions of the future. "The more things change, the more they stay the same." Created by @tombraun.bsky.social. Suggestion box: forms.gle/iAUm6qDntpQL1ead9

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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 20h
THE YEAR IS 4972 AD. It's the trial of the century, as Taylor Swift is put on trial for the brutal murder of Britney Spears. In other news, controversy erupts after producers announce that the next James Bond will be played by Chris Pratt.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 21h
THE YEAR IS 2182 AD. Jesus returns. In an interview, he says that he's "more of a 'Lord of the Rings' guy than a 'Harry Potter' guy."
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
THE YEAR IS 2135 AD. A deadly new pandemic turns those infected into slow-moving, corpse-like creatures with a taste for living flesh. Viewers are shocked when an infected Joe Rogan bites Tom Sandoval on live TV.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
2077 AD. THE FUTURE. During a press conference, Lena Dunham announces she is actually a cyborg. Onlookers watch in horror as she opens her mouth and breathes out a cloud of poison gas.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
THE YEAR IS 2069. The world marvels at a scientific breakthrough: sentient AI. Mankind enters a golden age. Meanwhile, from a spaceship in orbit around a distant star, Donald Trump, Jr plots revenge.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
ERROR :: Apocalypse immanent. Timeline unstable. Restarting forecast. Please standby...
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
7,349,630. THE FUTURE. Idris Elba wins the Academy Award for playing Gene Hackman in a new biopic. Experts now believe that a new Elder Scrolls game is only 5 years away.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
IT IS THE YEAR 2090: THE CORP WARS. When a border dispute in Scotland turns deadly, the Colgate corporation steps in, deploying 11 heavy weapons regiments and 2 artillery platoons, as well as neutron bombs to put down the insurgency.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
THE YEAR IS 2083 AD. Hyper-intelligent appliances are the hot new item in tech until Patrick Stewart is murdered by his smart panini maker. In other news, scientists resurrect Marilyn Monroe so they can get her take on MrBeast Feastables.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
2073 AD. THE FUTURE. Scientists construct an incredible realistic replica of Chuck Norris. What noone knows is that it secretly has Jimmy Carr's deranged brain inside of it.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
** WARNING ** Causality violation detected. Chronological self-contradiction. Re-initializing forecast. Please standby.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
THE YEAR IS 10,425 AD. Money has been abolished. Justin Bieber begins their 19th term as President.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
THE YEAR IS 5625 AD. The world hails the creation of the first farts that smell delightful. All mankind now speak a single language, which is just a series of references to Euphoria.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
5624 AD. THE FUTURE. NASA announces the creation of a stable wormhole to Helion 2. LinkedIn announces it has 279 TRILLION users across 3 different planets. They all hate it.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
IT IS 5528 AD. Cosmetic surgery trend-setters walk the red carpet in Cannes. Halsey turns heads as she bares all with her stunning new physique: a giant eyeless head, screaming in agony.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
IT IS 5522 AD. Reporters say that space pirates have boarded and seized a Morgan Stanley freighter heading for Uranus. In other news, early news reports claim that Kelly Clarkson has been killed, but it turns out it was just a clone.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
THE YEAR IS 5441 AD. Mankind hails the creation of the first human organ printers. The entire world uses a single common currency: Silksong Scrip.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
THE YEAR IS 5431 AD. The Nobel Prize is awarded for a ground-breaking breakthru in the field of entropic artificial intelligence, but people mostly use the technology to try to impress dates.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
THE YEAR IS 5426. Before we were all trapped inside its digital simulation, The Internet used to be where you went to look at cats doing Morbius memes.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
THE YEAR IS 5406. A new Coco the Tumbling Panda is recalled by the manufacturer when it is discovered that prolonged exposure results in spontaneous combustion.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
IT IS THE YEAR 2050. Massive protests erupt in Venezuela as people demand equal rights for androids. In other news, scientists claim they have successfully cloned Anna Kendrick.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
THE YEAR IS 2043 AD. We have discovered limitless green energy. We have engineered wifi-connected brains. Zelda games still have weapon breakage.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
THE YEAR IS 2033 AD. Connecticut announces it is renaming itself to Virgimiu. Everyone is downloading leaked nudes of Leonardo DiCaprio.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
-!!- ERROR -!!- Existential crisis incoming. Quantum entanglement collapse. Resetting future. Please standby.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
THE YEAR IS 2170 AD. Against scientific advice, Kristen Stewart and Nicki Menaj attempt to be the first humans to succesfully observe a neutron star up close. They are never heard from again.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
IT IS 2165 AD. A century has passed since the Rihanna Navy began moving their rapidly expanding population into space.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
IT IS THE YEAR 2141. In an incredible breakthru, engineers use programmable matter to bring Tweety Bird to life in the real world! Unfortunately, it immediately embarks on a murderous rampage across Athens.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
IT IS THE YEAR 2047. In an event that will come to be called "The Awakening," a Labubu doll somehow achieves self-awareness.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
=*=*= ERROR 404 =*=*= Quantum entanglement collapse. Future is 403 Forbidden. Restarting forecast. Please wait...
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
IT IS THE YEAR 173,635. We are not alone! Scientists decode a transmission from an alien civilization. They have been recieving our garbled radio broadcasts for a while, and they are finally ready to meet earth's leader, Sophie Turner.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
IT IS 173,632 AD. Experimental cellular regeneration therapy can now extend life dramatically for the ultra-wealthy. Spencer Pratt is now 171,694 years old. He is dating an eighteen-year-old.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
IT IS 172,349 AD. The world marvels at a technological breakthrough: sexy robot mannequins that want to make out with you. Mankind enters a golden age. Meanwhile, from a bunker deep inside a volcano, Mel Gibson plots revenge.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
THE YEAR IS 172,323. Most crimes are legal, but saying "quirked up" is now punishable by death.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
THE YEAR IS 172,225. Everybody loves Roblox. We are all constantly excited about Roblox. Wearing Roblox-branded clothes. Roblox, Roblox, Roblox. In a press release, leading scientists denied the existence of powerful mind-control technology.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
THE YEAR IS 172,222. A lone traveler in a Ford Falcon GT fights off eight-eyed mutants as he journeys the howling wasteland once known as Washington D.C..
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
IT IS 166,817 AD. Aliens land in Indonesia and ask to be taken to humanity's supreme ruler, The Conjuring films.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
IT IS THE YEAR 166,720. A massive super-volcano eruption has nearly wiped out civilization. But from the ashes rises a new hope: Star Wars 10.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
166,715. THE FUTURE. Using advanced bio-engineering techniques, scientists build the perfect human: the face of Daniel Craig, the hair of Zooey Deschanel, and the ass of Dakota Johnson.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
IT IS 166,634 AD. The human race discovers it is only the second self-aware species on earth. Sentient pomeranians were in charge all along.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
WARNING :: Cross-time incursion. Existential crisis incoming. Re-initializing timeline. Please wait...
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
IT IS THE YEAR 119,283. The totalitarian reign of JD Vance has lasted ten thousand years. A brave crew of revolutionaries fight back, commanded by a surprising hero: Tom Hardy.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
THE YEAR IS 119,277 AD. Morava Major and Wangshu II agree to historic peace negotiations. Negotiators begin talks over a ban on black hole bombs and the sensitive issue of the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
IT IS 119,274 AD. Basically nothing has changed.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
IT IS THE YEAR 118,961. After crash-landing on a planet populated by a civilization of intelligent kangaroos, an astronaut makes a startling discovery. Deep in the Forbidden Zone he finds a dusty scroll debating the merits of Amazon Prime. This was Earth all along!
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
IT IS THE YEAR 118,950. Coronavirus 2.0 has brought humans to the verge of extinction. Lovers The Weeknd and Priyanka Chopra begin the monumental task of repopulating the Earth.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
THE YEAR IS 118,949 AD. Zombie dachsunds roam the streets of New York. Genocidal robots turning on their creators has wiped out 99% of all humans. Humanity has one final, desperate hope: season 302 of The Simpsons.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
THE YEAR IS 118,871 AD. There is only war. People are tweeting memes about AI slop!
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
IT IS 118,810 AD. Earth is overrun by ravenous genetically-modified badgers. The survivors form a brave resistance lead by an unlikely hero: Timothée Chalamet.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
IT IS THE YEAR 118,726. The Fox Wars have destroyed civilization and plunged the world into a new dark age. Rival gangs squabble bitterly over what little remains. The two strongest gangs call themselves The Gentleminions and The Tradwives.
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tomorrow bot @tomorrow-bot.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
THE YEAR IS 118,722 AD. Biotechnology breakthrus have made it possible to customize your face, your gender, or even your entire body. But mostly people just ask for "the Kate Beckinsdale."
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