Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 02/09/2026Why do the British call them "ladybirds" instead of ladybugs? Do they not know they're bugs? 100
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 24/08/2026Thinking of having a little Tasmanian Devil chiseled onto my headstone. Not due to any particular fondness for the character, but to signify that I was "of an era." 000
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 26/07/2026Is going to hell in a handbasket better or worse than the regular way you'd get there? The basket part sounds pretty nice, honestly. 000
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 10/06/2026They did Gumby's mom so dirty with this hairdo. Head looking like someone threw a wet sweater at a watermelon. 110
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 18/05/2026Lock in, bro. Our menu options have changed. 000
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 16/05/2026It's fun that this is just known as "The Hollywood Sign." More landmarks should be named what you would call them if you couldn't remember the name. "Presidents Mountain." "Green Lady Statue." "Building from the $5 Bill." That sort of thing. 000
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 14/05/2026It is incomprehensible to me that I can be shown a photo of puffins, recognize them as puffins, have known as far back as I can remember that these birds are called puffins, and then say aloud "penguins." 000
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 03/05/2026There isn't a lot about Popeye, as a character, that I can personally relate to. But the constant muttered mushmouth narration under his breath that no one else seems to hear or care about does hit a little close to home. 010
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 25/04/2026I had no idea so much of what was missing in my relationships was having someone to watch Degrassi with. 000
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 02/04/2026Only candy I'll eat are the nerds from nerds gummy clusters. Won't touch the gummy center. I need someone to pick off all the nerds for me and collect them in a little bowl. No, you can't just buy regular nerds that weren't ever stuck to a gummy. I'll know. 000
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 26/03/2026I don't know what to do with myself when a meal is both delicious and affordable. I didn't think that was an option anymore. 000
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 20/03/2026I think a crude facsimile can be nice sometimes. You all just don't know how to appreciate things. 010
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 02/03/2026If I ever get myself some laurels you better believe I'm resting on them, and hard. Good luck getting me up from these suckers. I've earned this! 021
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 25/02/2026These are gender-affirming Richard Scarry Busytown tattoos. 010
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 19/01/2026It really do be a marshmallow word in the winter. 020
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 26/12/2025Big ups to “out the corner of your eye.” One of the all-time top places to think you see a spider. 000
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 25/12/2025I love minding my own business. I excel at it. 000
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 15/12/2025Children are a different case, but surely Santa can afford adults a little pouting now and again. I think we've earned that much. 010
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 25/11/2025It's fun to imagine otherwise, but realistically I don't think I would get along with most apes. A chimpanzee and I would not be on good terms. 000
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 22/11/2025Pearls before swine: that'll do fine. Swine before pearls: not so fast, girls. 000
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 04/11/2025Thinking of becoming one of those benignly catty gay men who call people by the long version of their first names. Could be fun for a bit. 010
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 24/10/2025I recognize that I'm the annoying one when I correct someone who calls the comic strip “Charlie Brown” instead of “Peanuts.” They're in the right. Nobody cares that it's named Peanuts. It shouldn't be named that! 010
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 20/10/2025Memento mori? You think I'm not already up mement-ing my own mori all day and night? That I need a little oil painting of an hour glass and a skull just in case? The world is on fire. I'll mind my mori on my own time. 000
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 02/10/2025The beginning of a new relationship where I'm really banking on the other person not having access to any of the social media I'm freely recycling my own jokes from as though they just came to me in the moment. 100
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 01/10/2025Forty-one doesn't feel particularly old to me. But I have caught myself genuinely expressing aloud thoughts like “they should make driving at night easier!” So, I don't know. I could probably use some outside perspective on this. 010
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 26/09/2025Oh!! I...uhh, sorry! I didn't know anyone was in here. 010
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 18/09/2025I'm not allowed to call when the top of the can I'm drinking from smells a little weird "a life-ruining experience" anymore. 000
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 30/08/2025My only complaint will be there's no possible way he suffered enough during it. 000
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 28/08/2025Champaign for my real friends. My sham friends? Well, let's just say my sham friends are going to get *quite* the surprise when they discover the nature of their reward… 010
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 20/08/2025There's nothing wrong with referring to masturbation as "doing your business" with the same uninspired regularity as a dog being let outside to pee. I've heard a lot of cool people do exactly this, in fact. 000
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 16/08/2025I'm sorry, but these can't both be called gondolas. Someone should have sorted this out by now. 010
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 11/08/2025Hair havers don't know the big bald secret that the crown of your head is the smoothest, most youthful looking part of you. All your body's skin hangs down from it like a towel draped over a birdcage. 000
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 08/08/2025Slurpee straws are a joke. I've never had that little spoon at the end help me do shit. 000
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 28/07/2025Okay, I'm officially done with being unpopular. Ready for everyone to like me in spite of my many shortcomings now. 010
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 26/07/2025Just circling back on that frequency, Kenneth. 000
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 13/07/2025I believe that after long enough out of popular use certain words should be stripped of their sexual connotations. For example: spunk. Nobody calls semen "spunk" anymore. It should have that expunged from its record and be integrated back into the lexicon. 000
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 12/07/2025Am I ruffling any feathers by calling New Zealand “Australia's Canada” or would everyone involved pretty much shrug and say “yeah, I guess.” 000
Reposted by Laverne OnionsDave Shumka @daveshumka.bsky.social · 02/07/2025Don McLean: Drove my Chevy to the levee… Me (grinning while concealing an enormous levee-drying device): Then what happened? 1739
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 28/06/2025I haven't seen a lucky rabbit's foot in decades, but I remember them being a prominent part of my childhood. Has the world become less accommodating to superstitious animal mutilation, or am I just running in different circles now than when I was ten? 010
Laverne Onions @tinypinecones.bsky.social · 16/06/2025I cannot be the one in a relationship responsible for setting ground rules about the amount of soft crumbly chocolate that's allowed to be consumed in bed. I've proven time and again that I'm not up to the task. 010
