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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 12/07/2026

Breaking News: Politics Southern Bell cosplayer and war profiteer enthusiast Sen. Lindsey Graham has passed away from illness. President Trump thanks the senator for his years of loyal service and unapologetic love for the man. He also thanks Lindsey death for taking the spotlight away from him.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 11/07/2026

Breaking News: Health Is the world prepared for another pandemic? Pfizer Pharmaceuticals Witches believe that if another pandemic was to occur in the next few years, we might be able to stop it. If we create a stockpile of hemlock root, eyes from newts, herbal infusions and dried toad dicks.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 20/04/2026

Virgin Airlines looking to change its names after prom.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 12/02/2026

Breaking News: Science THURSDAY NIGHT AT THE ULTRADOME!!! PHILOSOPHER V SCIENTIST FIGHT TO THE DEATH IN AN ALL OUT BRAWL TO FIND OUT ONCE AND FOR ALL WHO RULES OVER THE FINAL ANSWER. UNIVERSE AND HUMAN CONCICNESS THAT TETHER US TO PURE FUCKING EXISTENCE. Tickets are $5, petting zoo for the kids.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 11/02/2026

Breaking News: Politics Pam Bondi insists that Trump is innocent of any crimes that deal with the Epstein case. She also insists in letting the public know that Trump will sign any photo of himself visiting Epstein’s Island. As we are spoiled for choice.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 11/02/2026

An apology. Our entertainment reporters saw this on your “get to know me” section and wanted to let you know that…Although you have not been in many films. You have been in great films. We believe that’s a Walt Whitman quote.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 10/02/2026

Breaking News: Science Scientists have found out that if you own a cat. The chances of you becoming a “Cat Lady” increases by 98%. (There is a 2% margin of error in this study.)

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 10/02/2026

The Washington Post lays off a third of their staff due to budget cuts. Jeff Bezos confirmed to The Imp that he had to shrink down the organization due to a lack of funding and readership. During the video call Mr. Bezos was able to find the funding between his couch cushions but shrugged it off.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 10/02/2026

Don lemons was arrested for insisting a riot in a church. The nail in the coffin was when he politely asked questions. The arresting officer removed Lemon vowing to protect anyone from rights he didn’t fully understand.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 10/02/2026

Trump will free federal funds to New York if he has his name on Penn Station and Washington Dulles airport. The mayor has counter offered with adding his name to a collection of public toilets or if he really wants it, changing an island to Trump’s Oh, Brother Island.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 10/02/2026

United States are out gunned by the Mexican drug cartel. Promoting an Arms War. Asked about the fight “they have so many guns. They are using a the latest in military equipment. I’m scared, at any moment my life could be taken away by some sniper!” Said an anonymous American soldier.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 08/02/2026

Breaking News: Entertainment Josh D’Amaro has been crowned new CEO of the Disney Co. Excitement and cheer has been heard throughout the land as the hero returned after slaying the beast Chapekmansha. He returned back from his quest and was excited to kiss a sleeping Bob Iger to claim his prize.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 06/02/2026

Breaking News: Business Minute Maid Frozen Orange Juice Concentrate to be discontinued by the end of the year. Reasons for its end ranged from low sales, consumer market more health focused and the fact that most cans became sentient and started attacking people as soon as they were opened.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 06/02/2026

Breaking News: Science An unregulated lab has been found in Vegas. Police quarantine locals including but not limited to Marty the dealer who ignores the “Wash After Restroom” sign and that lobster who’s been in the tank since Nixon. When asked about his stay, the lobster has said “Glub, Glub.”

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 31/01/2026

Breaking News: Science Fringe researchers co-opted The National Institutes of Health project to track brain development. The children's data, has been used from racist claims on social media, white nationalist message boards, to figuring out what pitch the Pied Piper used to steal children.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 31/01/2026

Breaking News: Tech Bill Gates donates $2 billions to ex-wife foundation. The money will be going to forward thinking charitable causes and proving that no one can escape the clutches of a former lover.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 30/01/2026

Breaking News: Sports The Winter Olympics have denounce ICE at the ceremonies. Officials worry agents wouldn’t be capable of understanding that they aren’t allowed to remove athletes off the field. With one agent remarking “how am I to do my job efficiently with soooo many immigrants everywhere?”

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 30/01/2026

Breaking News: Politics After days of speculations, we’ve found out who the next Fed Chair will be. Our Washington reporters have found a memo that the White House has passed around and it reads “The Federal Reserve Chair will be Rich Uncle Pennybags” (AKA - the Monopoly Guy)

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 27/01/2026

Breaking News: Politics Trump adm. will move out of Minn. to tamp down on the violence. Saying “I’m surprised how much people do not like Gestapo tactics” To show good will, Trump will end all shows where he planed a magic trick. He would shoot a guy and show how he couldn’t loose any voters.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 22/01/2026

Breaking News: Business Jamie Dimon [the CEO of JPMorgan Chase Bank] was asked at the World Economic Forum why business leaders are so afraid of Trump. Mr. Dimon defended himself by dodging the question with Shrek like dexterity.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 22/01/2026

Breaking News: Tech Mark Zuckerberg sets a new world record for 127 days consecutively without blinking. When asked for comment, he said “that’s nothing. On my home world we don’t even have world records to keep track of our blepharospasmic nictitation.”

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 21/01/2026

Breaking News: Politics Reports suggest that Trump has reached an agreement on Greenland. We were able to confirm that there had been a settlement with Prime Minister Jens-Frederik Nielsen once he was pulled back over the balcony he was forced to hang over.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 20/01/2026

Breaking News: Tech We pushed the limits of Grok AI and asked it to create an image of Elon Musk as a nazi. But instead it just showed us a video of Trumps 2nd inauguration where he did a nazi salute. Then asked us if we knew that this already existed.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 19/01/2026

Breaking News: Politics President Trump on receiving the Noble Peace Prize from Machado started to pick at it. When asked about it he said “I’m want to take foil off so I can eat the chocolate inside.”

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 16/01/2026

Breaking News: Science Study shows that people who celebrate their pets birthdays have too much raw animal magnetism. That’s what one scientist told his mother to explain why they were being ignored by the opposite sex.

This is breaking news alert from The Implication News. It’s a red alert image and in big bold white letters the words “BREAKING NEWS” is written in the center. Around it reads “you know that thing we said that was happening? That thing?! It’s happening! And we’re telling!” The image was clearly made by a man who had too much time on his hands.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 15/01/2026

Breaking News: Tech The history of Apple strict security started the day someone took an unwelcome bite out of the logo.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 15/01/2026

Breaking News: Entertainment Will Smith’s new show Pole to Pole is an outdoor adventure where he experience the world. A Bel Air multi-millionaires proves he’s not weird, gets paid to go around the world and avoids any kind of family interaction. The first episode is Denial a river in Egypt.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 14/01/2026

Breaking News: Politics The Clinton were supposed to talk about the Epstein file. The House’s oversight committee sent a subpoena but the Clinton’s never came, sending 8 page’s on why they’re not coming. In the letter, 68% was redacted and 22% had images of Trump with Ivanka hugging.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 14/01/2026

Breaking News: Tech The Trump administration's ask Grok AI to help craft a defense for Elon Musk's and Grok.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 09/01/2026

Breaking News: Politics Trump to hosts Trump-Kennedy Center event honoring the empty chair Clint Eastwood talked to at the 2012 republican national convention.

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The Implication News @theimplicationnews.bsky.social · 07/01/2026

Donald Trump promises to take Greenland for the United States with negotiation talks with the prime minister. While holding a copy of The Art of the Deal, he is following Rule 7: When negotiations stall and your opponent wont budge. Nothing trumps a military coup and forceful regime change.

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