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The Cap'm

@thecapm.tv
218 followers 452 following 1.1K posts

Just an old guy playing video games and doing projects. Opinions and 80/90's references are my own, but you can have a copy if you like them. Abolish ICE! twitch.tv/thecapmtv

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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 14/10/2026
No stream tonight, or for the next few weeks y'all. Beautiful Studio 6c is getting an IRL remodel. This should be fun.* * for some value of 'fun'.
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 14/10/2026
This just popped up in my YouTube suggestions, and it took way longer than it should have for me to realize that isn't an Atari 2600 in the picture.
A YouTube thumbnail with the text "EMERGENCY REPAIR".
The headline for the thumbnail reads "This part costs $10,000 PER DAY until FIXED"
Posted by YouTube User "Glease Man"
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GO HAWKS SEEBALLGETBALL @1hairyman.bsky.social · 14/10/2026
I thought the position of the Republican Party was fuck your feelings
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 12/10/2026
I will never not love it when my dad takes a picture of his computer screen and sends it to me over SMS.
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 11/10/2026
Later tonight on KAPM: BEES! MILLIONS OF BEES! BEES THAT STING AND EAT HUMAN EYEBALLS! AUGHHHHHH! NO! WHO LET THEM IN?! THEY'RE IN MY GOGGLES! NO! WHY?!? ... But first, the Internet's favorite Cap'm is back with more Tarkov misadventures, and - one hopes - less vomit this time. twitch.tv/TheCapmTV
A TV Guide style TV episode listing, with descriptions of episodes, which reads:

...simultaneously. Dorothy, Blanche and Sophia begin to tunnel out of the kitchen on day 4, in order to escape.

9:00  47  GAME NIGHT - FEATURING ESCAPE FROM TARKOV Short on cash, and low on ammo, The Cap'm does a bunch of lowkey chill Labs runs. Because those exist. Meanwhile, short on cash, and low on ammo, Birdie has one final trick up her sleeves. Because those exist.

11:00  2 8  MURDER, SHE WROTE (CC) Jessica visits her nephew in Boise and someone dies. A bunch of...
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 09/10/2026
We started using AI-DLC at work, and it's only been a few days, but my initial impression is that we are now all just Sigourney Weaver's character from Galaxy Quest.
static.klipy.com
Tim Allen & Sigourney Weaver: Well, Screw That
Alt: Tim Allen & Sigourney Weaver: Well, Screw That Except, she's obviously NOT saying "screw".
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 09/10/2026
Later tonight on KAPM: Sure, selling seashells by the seashore sounds like a secure and steady side-gig, but senior scientists say that the economic soap suds supporting this summer's seashell surge show signs that they may be starting to 'splode. But first, I do some stuff. twitch.tv/TheCapmTV
A TV Guide style TV episode listing, with descriptions of episodes, which reads:

...come to a head when Norm and Woody begin moonlighting for the CIA. Sam tries to seduce a barstool. Rebecca is present.

9:15  47  GAME NIGHT - FEATURING ESCAPE FROM TARKOV For reasons surpassing understanding, Cap decides to try a Tarkov map he has not played before and has not looked up. Will the results be as predictable as we... er... predict? Possible hobby work to follow.

11:15  2 10 21 47  QUANTUM LEAP (CC) Sam leaps into a plate of spaghetti in 1982 rural Wyoming. Al...
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 07/10/2026
No stream tonight, folks. Too tired.
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 07/10/2026
I was having problems with a brand-new USB media card reader. Across 2 computers, it corrupted 3 SD cards. Mad, I threw it in the trash. Madder still, I decided to leave a review. I fetch the reader, plug it in to do one furious and final test run - and it worked. Percussive maintenance.
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 04/10/2026
I'm going to stream. I am also sick, so there will be no camera, and I don't have the energy to write a [hopefully] funny intro. I know, I'm really selling this. Anyway, twitch.tv/TheCapmTV
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emma best 🏳️‍🌈🏴‍☠️🏳️‍⚧️ Mxy @emma.best · 04/10/2026
@chronicillness.bsky.social
Epic handshake meme. Chronic pain and insomnia join forces for sleep deprivation
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 02/10/2026
TONIGHT ON KAPM Do you eat beans? Do you like George Wendt? Would you eat beans with George Wendt? You might not be alone. Our own Blailor Tayre has more later, but first: The Cap'm's back with an all-new run-of-the-mill adventure that you've seen before but won't want to miss! twitch.tv/TheCapmTV
A TV Guide style TV episode listing, with descriptions of episodes, which reads:

...Janeane Garofalo. We just kind of turned the camera on and locked the door behind us. Viewer discretion is advised.

10:00  47  KAPM PRESENTS: CHILLIN' WITH THE CAP'M (CC) Cap longs for something new but sticks with something old, besides himself: Escape from Tarkov. Birdie's long-passed days as an international jewel thief may not be as long-passed as she thought.

1:00  86 99  GET SMART Series Finale - KAOS finally kills Max and The Chief by trapping them in the Cone of Silence with no air, in a daring plan called...
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Michael Spicer @michaelspicer.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Most TV is just this now.
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 30/09/2026
Later tonight on KAPM: Cats - are they planning something behind your back? Our staff psychic, Blaylor Taire has a report you won't want to miss. But first, a super short Tarkov stream with The Cap'm, because he got distracted and forgot what time it was. Yay! twitch.tv/TheCapmTV
A TV Guide style TV episode listing, with descriptions of episodes, which reads:

...sixth consecutive week. Tonight: "The Mc's and Mac's", part 3. Viewers are asked to take frequent hydration breaks.

9:30  47  CHILLIN' WITH THE CAP'M (CC) After a day of dealing with Claude Code and Proxmox, Cap is very ready to start clicking heads, torsos, groins, and whatever else Tarkovians leave exposed. Birdie has taken a personal day to have a 'planning session' with her accountant.
Certified Public Accountant: Walter Brimley

12:00  4 8  MACGYVER (CC) MacGyver uses his silk shirt to try to defuse a quantum bomb, only to find out that it wasn't genuine silk after all. Series...
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 29/09/2026
Later tonight on KAPM, the latest influencer craze is razor-sharp slap bracelets. But are they as safe - and cool - as they sound? Our own Taylor Blaire keeps you... in the loop. But first, that crazy Cap'm and his little dog Birdie are heading back to Tarkov to click heads. twitch.tv/TheCapmTV
A TV Guide style TV episode listing, with descriptions of episodes, which reads:

...considers a career change after Gushie is discovered to have been using Ziggy to rig Kalshi bets this whole time.

9:30  47  CHILLIN' WITH THE CAP'M (CC) Cap tries a new tactical method in Escape from Tarkov - clicking on the heads of the mans. Birdie, in holding after allegedly biting an officer, gets in trouble for attempting to sublet her cell in order to make some side cash.

12:00  123  CHEERS (CC) As supplies dwindle in the blizzard of '82, Norm and Cliff decide to kill and eat Woody. Sam's hair files emancipation paperwork.
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 29/09/2026
I shudder to think of the "worse-than-Tuvix" results of fuzz testing the deserializer for whatever-format-transporter-data-would-be-serialized-as.
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 29/09/2026
Hey @battlestategames.bsky.social - if anyone there is still listening to your BlueSky account: For the second time, I've had to cancel my Tarkov stream because of downtime that was only announced on X, not even in the BSG Launcher. Y'all, please use the launcher. So many more people would see it.
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Josh Boykin @wallstormer.blacksky.app · 28/09/2026
Behind-the-scenes for Game Devs of Color Expo today, plus demos! Stream's live! I'll chat about curating this year's expo and spin a Wheel of Demos! twitch.tv/intelligame
Headshot of Josh in a yellow-and-black hoodie
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 24/09/2026
static.klipy.com
Man Slowly Opens Eyes Meme
ALT: Man Slowly Opens Eyes Meme
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 23/09/2026
Coming up on KAPM: More Escape from Tarkov hijinks, skullduggery, shenanigans, and other such things. twitch.tv/TheCapmTV if you're nasty. Or not. Honestly, nastiness is not required. That was just a pop culture reference that probably missed the mark. Oh well.
A TV Guide style TV episode listing, with descriptions of episodes, which reads:

...refuses to travel back to the land of Make-Believe. Mister Rogers, slowly and calmly, explains breach of contract laws.

11:00  47  KAPM: CHILLIN' WITH THE CAP'M (CC) Thinking she could make some fast money, Birdie acquires a strange glowing rock through her extensive network of contacts. Cap begins to exhibit superhuman powers, making him unstoppable. They do not work in Tarkov.

1:30  2 4 8  CHEERS (CC) Cliff's conspiracy theories come to a head when Norm and Woody begin moonlighting for the CIA. Sam tries to seduce a...
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Josh Boykin @wallstormer.blacksky.app · 21/09/2026
It's Game Devs of Color Expo this week! Gonna talk a bit about my work with @gdocexpo.com on stream, then play some Baby Steps maybe? :)
Selfie of Josh
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 19/09/2026
Day 5 of having a Shania Twain song stuck in my head.
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Distributed Denial of Secrets @ddosecrets.org · 16/09/2026
Flock ALPR camera (28.55 GB) Filesystem images of the partitions on an in-use Flock ALPR camera, including custom Android APK files installed on the device, as well as its recorded media. ddosecrets.org/article/floc... Help us keep publishing: donorbox.org/ddosecrets
ddosecrets.org
Flock ALPR camera - Distributed Denial of Secrets
Filesystem images of the partitions on an in-use Flock ALPR camera, including custom Android APK files installed on the device, as well as its recorded media. The data reveals how the devices track…
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🄼🄴🄴🄷🄰🅆🄻 ⭕ @meehawl.com · 18/09/2026
HaJ3FgupAm8RrDJW3MHgT9X7Ft27eVaD
Nelson Mandela Muntz finds that Flock's embedded, hardcoded use of "HaJ3FgupAm8RrDJW3MHgT9X7Ft27eVaD" for OAuth to be very funny.
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Chiitan🌈ちぃたん☆ @chiitan.love · 18/09/2026
LGBT souls exist🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 No special permission is needed. Not understanding is no right to harm. Show courtesy, then step back. They want ordinary human things: laughter, love, and growth beside those they choose. To trans families — let’s keep smiling. Let’s fill the world with Love🌈
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 18/09/2026
Gonna have to cancel tonight's stream, too. Tarkov won't start, and I really would rather go to bed than fix it.
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 16/09/2026
No stream tonight, kids. The hurting... it hurts.
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 15/09/2026
This whole Macklemore/Kraft thing really makes me wish I gave a shit about American Football so I could stop giving a shit about it in protest.
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Josh Boykin @wallstormer.blacksky.app · 14/09/2026
Trying to do a couple minutes of "thoughts" before streaming. This one's about how we're not really self-made, but the pressure's there. Stream's live: twitch.tv/intelligame
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 14/09/2026
Coming up on KAPM, start the week off right with Tarkov and The Cap'm! Cap is wrapping up the story quests pretty quickly, which is really putting a damper on his excuse for avoiding Icebreaker of "wanting to play for the story". The Cap'm: Doing Everything But [Icebreaker]! twitch.tv/TheCapmTV
A TV Guide style TV episode listing, with descriptions of episodes, which reads:

...nephew in Boise and someone dies. A bunch of old people are involved. The police, exhausted, arrest Jessica on principle and shoot the nephew.

11:30  47  KAPM: CHILLIN' WITH THE CAP'M (CC) Cap avoids going to Lighthouse by coming up with various sorry excuses. Birdie misunderstands "mining crypto" and is arrested for grave robbing.
Local Magistrate: The Winklevoss Twins

1:30  4 8  MACGYVER (CC) Trapped in a locked room with only a paper clip, a rubber band, and a fully functional door key, MacGyver builds a small...
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 12/09/2026
This is a fascinating thread on more ways that technology can (and will) fail us, but I just keep coming back to the "again" in the last sentence, given how absolutely, insanely terrible the current state of tech quality is. But then I realized it's actually going to get much, much worse...
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 12/09/2026
This could actually get me to wear a tie...
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Steve Flack @vitaminsteve.com · 11/09/2026
that’s it, we’ve peaked. Call it a day, go start your weekends.
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 11/09/2026
Coming up on KAPM, it's Chillin' with The Cap'm, featuring Escape from Tarkov madness. Has Cap finally bitten off more than he can chew? Find out at twitch.tv/TheCapmTV
A TV Guide style TV episode listing, with descriptions of episodes, which reads:

...advances towards the neighbor's cat. Willie files an insurance claim. Kate questions the marriage. ALF: Nicole "Snooki" LaValle

11:00  47  KAPM: CHILLIN' WITH THE CAP'M (CC) Cap, still playing Escape from Tarkov, gets in over his head. Birdie gets a bartending job at the airport and gets in trouble with the drug sniffing dogs that work there. https://twitch.tv/TheCapmTV
TSA Agent: Dick Van Dyke

3:00  4 8  MACGYVER (CC) Trapped in a locked room with only a paper clip, a rubber band, and a fully functional door key, MacGyver builds a small...
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 09/09/2026
Coming up on KAPM TV: 🫘The Cap'm plays Escape from Tarkov and says cusses. There have been some big changes to Lighthouse and the Lightkeeper tasks. Let's go check it out and be disappointed together! twitch.tv/TheCapmTV
In "Rocco's Modern Life" style, the graphic says:

Next on
KAPM TV
The Cap'm
plays Tarkov
and says
cusses.
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 07/09/2026
Holy Geez it's The Cap'm's Birthday Stream twitch.tv/TheCapmTV
Holy Geez it's The Cap'm's Birthday Stream
https://twitch.tv/TheCapmTV
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 07/09/2026
Coming up on KAPM TV: 📎The Cap'm Plays, featuring Escape from Tarkov - because it's good to change things up every now and then. ⚰️ Oh, and it's Cap's Dumb Ol' Birthday. So go sub. twitch.tv/TheCapmTV
"The Cap'm's birthday stream featuring Escape from Tarkov", but in the He-Man and The Masters of the Universe logo style.
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da share z0ne @dasharez0ne.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
WHY LOL - dashare.zone ADMIN
A SKLETEN PONDER'S DA QUESTION :  WHY WOULD YOU EVER PLAN FOR "RETIREMENT???? LOL THE BOOMERS WOULDENT LIE TO US LMAO THE AIR OUTSIDE WONT BE OPAQUE BY THEN, EARTH MIGHT COOL DOWN ANY DADY LOL, THERE GONGA LET US STOP WORKEN IF WE DONT WANT TO ANY MORE, LMAO AMERICA DEFITITELY HAS MORE THEN 20 YEAR'S LEFT LOL JUST GONGA SAVE ALOT OF MONEY NO PROBEM, LOL ILL JUST WORK HARD AND BE REWARDED, STILL ALIVE AGE 70 LOL  - DASHARE.ZONE ADMIN
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 04/09/2026
We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you an irregularly scheduled program. Cap is finally taking it to the streets, and attempting to get Streets missions done in Escape from Tarkov. Tune in and join the fun: twitch.tv/TheCapmTV
twitch.tv
TheCapmTV - Twitch
Welcome to my channel, where I play the games of yesterday and today, today. I'd play tomorrow's games, but there are licensing issues. Come for the chill vibes, stay for the chill vibes. — TheCapmTV ...
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 03/09/2026
I shouldn't have taken a nap, chat. Now all I want to do is sleep. And so, I shall.
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 02/09/2026
Coming up tonight on KAPM TV: 🦷The Cap'm plays Tarkov - will Streets run him over? Tune in to find out. 🖥️Maybe some dev work on a Tarkov-centric project I've been working on. Stop by if you feel so inclined! twitch.tv/TheCapmTV
A parody of an Olive Garden advertisement, with the text replaced to the following:

Escape from Tarkov
When you're here, you're dead

Против судьбы не попрёшь (something like "You can't push against fate")
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 30/08/2026
Coming Up Next On KAPM: an old guy who doesn't wear diapers and isn't a little bitch plays some video games. Starting soon at twitch.tv/TheCapmTV In other news, what an odd name for a lake.
A MapQuest map showing Lake Ontario, but it is labeled as "Lake Coming Up Next On KAPM: an old guy who doesn't wear diapers and isn't a little bitch plays some video games. Starting soon at https://twitch.tv/TheCapmTV"
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Josh Boykin @wallstormer.blacksky.app · 29/08/2026
Stream's live! Bonus stream today checking out @mickeysanchez.bsky.social's upcoming Order Automatica. Then A Plague Tale: Resonance! twitch.tv/intelligame
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 29/08/2026
Not many people realize how big steaks in Wisconsin really are, and it's becoming a public safety concern.
wkow.com
One seriously hurt in Beloit T-bone crash, driver arrested
BELOIT, Wis. (WKOW) -- One person is seriously hurt after a T-bone crash early Friday morning.
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 27/08/2026
Is there a Doom mod available with the character's little face screen is replaced with these pictures? Because there should be one.
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 14/08/2026
Coming up on KAPM TV: The Cap'm is back with another stream packed full of: 🤸‍♂️ Escape from Tarkov hijinks! 🐸 Lower back pain! 🧸 Awkward silences, followed by awkward conversation! 🪗 Upper back pain! Tune on in for another stream you literally can't afford to miss! twitch.tv/TheCapmTV
twitch.tv
TheCapmTV - Twitch
Welcome to my channel, where I play the games of yesterday and today, today. I'd play tomorrow's games, but there are licensing issues. Come for the chill vibes, stay for the chill vibes.
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IGN @ign.com · 13/08/2026
Twitch has rolled out a new "feature" that trains Amazon's generative AI content models on its users' channels. The setting can be disabled, but it's turned on by default. bit.ly/4wYx2nz
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 13/08/2026
"we will stream tomorrow night" lol I spent the day doing yard work. At this point, I would love nothing more than to sink into a volcano. Tomorrow night is a definite "maybe", unless you folks are into Back Pain ASMR streams...
static.klipy.com
Terminator Arnold's Fiery 'Me Gusta' Scene
Alt: A clip from Terminator 2, where The Terminator is *technically* not self-terminating in a vat glowing molten metal. He is giving a thumbs up!
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The Cap'm @thecapm.tv · 12/08/2026
KAPM PROGRAMMING ANNOUNCEMENT Tonight's stream has been delayed, due to The Ad'miral having a minor procedure very early tomorrow morning. Instead, we will stream tomorrow night. KAPM regrets the late announcement.
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Chuck Tingle @chucktingle.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
we all know this classic way
cover of POUNDED BY THE ACHES AND PAINS I GET AFTER DOING A SIMPLE PHYSICAL TASK THAT I WOULDNT EVEN THINK TWICE ABOUT DOING WHEN I WAS YOUNGER featuring a bummed out buckaroo holding his back on the left he is shirtless and handsome. to the right is a physical manifestation of his aches and pains ALSO HANDSOME
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