WASHINGTON—Expressing frustration over the vice president’s continued presence in both the White House and his life, President Donald Trump was reportedly unsure Monday about what department he had to cut to make JD Vance go away. “I’ve tried the Education Department, USAID, the FBI, and still he keeps showing up,” said Trump, who lambasted the […]

WASHINGTON—In a major survey of public attitudes toward alternative energy as the climate crisis continues, a poll published Tuesday found that an overwhelming majority of U.S. residents would support wind turbines if they sliced deli meat as well. “Everyday Americans want to know how exactly wind power is going to serve our community, and many […]

HARTFORD, CT—Telling his skeptical friends that he was in no way being hyperbolic as he described his ravenous state, local man Will Childress reportedly swore Wednesday that he was so hungry he could eat an orange. “Man, my stomach has been growling for so long that I seriously think I could crush a whole orange […]

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