iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

This is extremely helpful because I kept forgetting the third J. But never again!

Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Not at all. I'm always open to suggestions on how to make the compass even better. Together we can finally put the boring N, S, E, W days behind us as a society.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Good thinking. We'll get started right away. Well, not right away because it's dark outside now. But first thing tomorrow. Unless I forget to set my alarm. Which I almost certainly will. But the day after that, there'll be no stopping us.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

If you find yourself travelling in the direction of J, you're right on track. Just make sure you don't veer off JJwards.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

I certainly hope so! It would be terrible if this new system accidentally led me in the wrong direction, thus delaying my search.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Those are two of my top 4 favourite directions!

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

The letters N, S, E and W have been the compass points for long enough. Here are the changes I would make to freshen things up

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Look, I understand everybody loves Manchester City. They're incredibly lovable. And it hurts me to have to do this but they need to learn that what they did was wrong. And the most sensible way I know to achieve that is to make them wear a giant coat.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

I was thinking the former but now that you say it, the latter might be better because, as well as punishing Manchester City, it would also provide additional work for local seamstresses.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

They can hire as many expensive lawyers as they want but the one thing they can't overcome? The large coat that I've imagined in my head (it really is an extremely large coat).

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

That's because Spurs have to play all their matches under the draconian "Being Spurs Punishment." Some football punishments are just downright cruel :(

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

It's the only way they'll learn their lesson.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Here are my suggestions for how to punish Manchester City

Possible Punishments for Manchester City

1. The Goat Punishment
The Manchester City goalkeeper must hold a baby goat in his hands for the next 100 matches. If he drops or discards the goat, or attempts to place the goat in a backpack that he then wears, the opposing team will be awarded a penalty and the goalkeeper will have to hold an adult goat.

2. The Giant Boot Punishment
All of the football boots of the Manchester City players are replaced with boots that are four sizes too big for their feet. If any player attempts to remove his giant boots and play in his socks, the whole team will have to put on new boots that are five sizes too big for their feet.

3. The Puzzle Punishment
Before a Manchester City player is allowed to take a shot towards the opposition's goal, that player must solve a puzzle. It could be a crossword puzzle, a jigsaw, that day's Wordle or even an unsolved murder case. They won't know beforehand. Until they have completed the puzzle, they are prohibited from shooting.

4. The Nickelback Punishment
A Nickelback album is played on the PA system throughout every Manchester City match. “But won't this be annoying to the opposition too?” you ask. No because they'll be allowed to wear noise-cancelling headphones to block out the terrible noise.

5. The Large Coat Punishment
For every match, all Manchester City players must wear a large coat. “That doesn't sound so bad,” I hear you say. Well, that's because you're not imagining a large enough coat. It would be huge. Like a very, very long wedding dress (and they're not allowed to hire bridesmaids to help hold it up). I really can't adequately describe how large this coat would be but just take my word for it – it's a really big coat.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

This would be like trying to alter Michelangelo's David. You can't improve a masterpiece.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

No, that's different. Each mmmbop offers important information.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

I'll get to that next. There's so many redundant words in their back catalogue. It's crazy to think how successful they could have been with the right editor.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

I feel so sorry for The Beatles. They could have been big if they had only had my help :(

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

This is the downside for all of us with WW2 historian grandmothers. We'll always be second best to the fascination of Stalingrad in their eyes :(

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

If I had been asked to edit "She Loves You" by The Beatles

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

And when the ewoks celebrate, you can just about make out that they're saying, "this unlikely victory would not have been possible if had not been for the timely return of the jedi."

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

This is the most sensible idea I've heard all day.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

What about: "Oh no, I am dying as a direct result of this intense battle but I am at peace with it because my death comes after saving Private Ryan."

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

I really this could revolutionise Hollywood

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

And it would be a great tie-in for the sequel because, since it's their second time dealing with Bernie, Larry and Richard could nonchalantly remark, "The first time was great and now this has been SOME weekend at Bernie's too."

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Can you imagine the gasps in cinemas if audiences had got to hear that line? It would be the most powerful moment in movie history.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

A strong belief of mine is that all TV shows and films should end with a character saying the title of the show. This would make every ending distinct and memorable. Here's how I would alter the ending to Friends and Home Alone 2.

*Monica hugs Rachel and Ross. Chandler starts pushing the stroller towards the door.*

RACHEL
Do you guys have to go to the new house right away or do you have
some time?

MONICA
We got some time.

RACHEL
Okay, should we get some coffee?

CHANDLER
Sure. Where?
*Everyone laughs.*

ROSS
Haha! We are laughing because we only ever visit the same coffee shop, which makes it amusing to suggest that we might now visit one of the other coffee shops in New York.

PHOEBE
Indeed. That is a humorous remark, Chandler for the reason stated by Ross. But joking aside, I just want to say that you are all my friends.

JOEY
Yes, we are all friends!

They all break into a chant of "Friends! Friends! Friends! Friends! Friends!" This continues for fourteen minutes.
FADE OUT

*Cedric hands the room service bill to Buzz. He wishes Buzz a merry Christmas and extends his hand, expecting a tip. Buzz misunderstands the gesture and instead takes the chewing gum out of his mouth and hands it to a dismayed Cedric, who departs. Buzz then analyses the lengthy room service bill and smirks. He knows who needs to hear about this.*

BUZZ
Oh, Dad...

PETER
Kevin!! You spent $967 dollars on
room service!?!?

*Peter's yell is loud enough for Kevin to hear in the park. He immediately runs away before we cut back to Buzz who is smiling as he reflects on the events of recent days.*

BUZZ
Ha! It sure sounds like my brother Kevin had some interesting adventures during the period in which he was separated from his family. Indeed, I guess there are times in all our lives when we each wish that we could be left home alone... too.

FADE OUT

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

We'll be discussing how we keep this information from the bigwigs at Honda. John needs his lucrative sponsorship deals.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Do you mind if I print these photos for the next club meeting? I'd like us to spend three hours analysing it in extreme detail and then another four hours speculating about what he might have been doing in that area. It has the potential to be our best meeting yet.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

You're forgetting The Big Shorts Switch in the mid-90s when corduroy shorts became uncool and were replaced on the catwalks of Milan with denim.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

This is a trillion-dollar idea

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

I take full responsibility. I am in the wrong here and I did not intend to cause so much ar*usal. However, I would like it to be noted that this is yet another situation which illustrates the inherent difficulties of being a naturally ar*using person. I didn't ask to be such a heart-throb.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

No, that's all yours. I actually get a lot of joy from inspiring new entrepreneurs like this.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

It's my own fault for letting them borrow my coin vacuum prototype

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

This is the most upsetting thing anyone has ever said to me. I refuse to accept I've been making a fashion faux pas for the last thirty years.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

I wish to invest in your business immediately. Do you accept pocket coins?

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

I knew I should have included additional clauses. Major oversight on my part but I need to learn my lesson so that I don't make mistakes like this again. You can.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

This is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me. I will work hard to one day earn your trust to give me these ideas back.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

I specifically requested that my business ideas NOT be stolen. This is very frustrating.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Here are my top 3 business ideas for September 2026. Please don't steal them and become a billionaire.

My Top 3 Business Ideas of the Month (September 2026)

1. Jean shorts that look exactly like normal jean shorts except they have zip pockets to prevent your coins from falling out when you're doing a cartwheel.

2. ZipRemind: a phone app that senses when you're about to do a cartwheel and reminds you to zip the pockets of your jean shorts beforehand.

3. Coin Vacuum: a device that picks up coins which have fallen out of your pocket when doing a cartwheel because I have no idea how to code so ZipRemind will almost certainly be a very unreliable app.

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Reposted by Sir Michael

Ciara | Ciaraíoch 🎨 @ciaraioch.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Beoga records, merch and tickets: www.beogamusic.com/store Aaron Rowe records, merch and tickets: www.aaron-rowe.com#merch

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

Agreed. They should think of it as a boys' afternoon, forget about their troubles and just enjoy spending time with each other. Making lifelong memories is so much more important than winning a football match.

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Reposted by Sir Michael

Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 15/12/2024

The Manchester derby marks the most wholesome day in the Premier League season. These two cross-city rivals will both try their best to win but whoever loses, they're equally happy at seeing their lovable neighbours get the 3 points instead. "Yay for Manchester!" they'll say 💙❤️

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

Someone should really have told me that oceans are deeper than they look on maps.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

This is a very worrying thought. It might be able to replicate my surveillance techniques, my nightly patrols and even my stream of unanswered texts to Sergeant Kelleher but it could never look as handsome as me in my sheriff's costume.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

I'm really looking forward to reading that actually. I've always been a history buff.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

We need to shut down all the AI companies immediately. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

AI should change the computers to make an upper case i look distinct from a lower case L. But I guess they're not advanced enough yet for that kind of thing.

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Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

Yes but can AI wash and polish Sensei's car for him while he's overseeing the rest of the karate tournament? God, I hope not.

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