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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches

@simonsaybrams.bsky.social
5.3K followers 336 following 12K posts

Film Critic at Roger Ebert dot com, New York Times, New Yorker, Hollywood Reporter, Village Voice, The Wrap, Vanity Fair, and so on. Author of THE NORTHMAN: A CALL TO THE GODS (Insight Editions). Alt weekly kid. Let the monkey drive.

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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 5h
It happened quite suddenly and I don’t really understand the meaning of it, but there are now shelves packed with mystery tapes (and Beta cam footage, and a laserdisc, and some other dead media) in the back offices. I am scared/intrigued.
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 10h
The cutest. ❤️
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 14h
Is this motherfucker wearing a headband too?!
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
If you see this, post a vampire that isn’t Dracula
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
🎵And chicks for free🎵
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
I’m trying this Jever Pilsner. I usually get some Hofbrau beer or another, but want to switch things up.
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Alright, calm down.
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
27) LUDA, by Grant Morrison. Morrison’s usual overheated creative genius is here in their debut novel, but flattened to a distracting extent. It sounds like their voice, alright, but laid on thicker than usual, as if to overcompensate for the change in medium. Stifling, if still mostly good.
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Uh, September 30th/October 1st?
A tortoiseshell cat poses with its mouth open in a little upside semi-circle beside its portrait, with a similar expression on its face, but also wearing a Dracula costume, with the cloak and a a little red bib and so on. Memesters have named this cat Count Chonkula because him not svelte. Any excuse to post Count Chonkula content is a good one.
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
And here I am.
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
What's a poster you had in your room growing up? It was a massive wall scroll and you could see it through my bedroom window from the sidewalk
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Is this guy on Cameo? Cause I’d pay for him to send a message to a friend who gets a heart attack every time he sees a Cybertruck in Bay Ridge (so by now he’s a lil jumpy).
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Well, the law library‘s open today.
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Alternatively, I think we all could rally around a film series that’s led by RDJ’s dog, who famously enjoys sex.
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
IT’S THE MANPHIBIAN’S TIME TO SHINE, BABY. LFG!!!!
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Hideous.
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
What if your nana cosplayed as Brian Posehn?
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
KEYS, BOOM
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Almost there. Stay on target.
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Sittin in the waiting rooooom (ahh ahhh)
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Excited to see that Chinese superhero comedy KEEP REAL is opening Friday in Flushing, Queens. Sophomore feature for director Wenxiong Xing, whose hitman/showbiz comedy TOO COOL TO KILL is a personal fave. I wrote about TOO COOL TO KILL @ebertvoices.bsky.social: www.rogerebert.com/features/sim...
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Another good one!
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
In December, Kino Lorber Studio Classics will release their third Film Noir Collection. I am partway through recording a new audio commentary for the unusual 1957 psychodrama caper THE STRANGE MR. STEVE, starring Jeanne Moreau, Lino Ventura, Philippe Lemaire, & Armand Mestral. More details to come!
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
I’ve been struggling with the proportions for weeks (not ordering that ”premium“ ginger beer again), but I finally mixed a good enough Dark and Stormy.
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
I’m in love with Netanyahuuuuhuhuuuuu
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
My favorite new music from the last three weeks, with a playlist (open.spotify.com/playlist/170...):
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
sad this isn’t a frat comedy
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Heroic character actor performances a specialty. RIP Gerrit Graham, you’ll be missed.
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
26) MEXICAN GOTHIC, by Silvia Moreno-Garcia. Loved the crackling banter and sharp characterizations, really appreciated the menacing (and genuinely gross) turn the plot takes. My only minor complaint is about how neatly labeled and explained everything is for book club readers.Still—good!!
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
You can't lose! diabolikdvd.com/product/agit...
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Never happier than when I’m trying to show Jene Steven Seagal content
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
It’s the same cat
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Superman, yes!
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
(I wasn’t trying to recreate this image, it just happened)
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
I’m like 2 hours+ into AGITATOR and it’s great to be home and not on a boat!
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
This woman is on a boat.
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Can recommend the official Mothra hot sauce. The loneapple habanero flavor isn’t too strong, nor is the heat level. And it goes well with scrambled eggs and chicken sausage (mango habanero flavor)
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Watching QUICK DRAW OKATSU (1969), a fun swordplay in a gambling den pic and a late career gem for director Nobuo Nakagawa (JIGOKU, GHOST STORY OF YOTSUYA, A WICKED WOMAN, BLACK CAT MANSION). Lotsa charming old school classicism in the blocking and general dramatic sensibility. Bloody and thrilling!
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
*waves at you regally, as if on a parade float*
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
Hello, from my new balcony.
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
Wake up and watch some early 80s Chang Cheh/Shaw Bros with me.
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Some timely Huckleberry Hound Viewmaster art for you.
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
To be quite honest with you, the Xmen video games kinda peaked with the computer game XMEN: MADNESS IN MURDERWORLD.
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
25) WOODWORM, by Layla Martínez. Or, DREAMS IN THE WITCHES’ HOUSE. Short and sharp haunted house character study, mostly about a troubled woman and her witchy grandmother‘s codependent relationship. Big themes—class warfare, for starters—tight prose, lyrical translation, can recommend.
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
I so wish I could attend tonight’s @mahoningdit.bsky.social double feature fundraiser, to raise money for their 14+ lot cats (medical bills, spaying/neutering, and adoption). My money‘s on SLEEPWALKERS for the b feature, but still! Somebody get a Cheese Cat Float for me and report back!
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Not sure I want to understand the new iPhone‘s concept, so I’m just looking at this again.
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
24) SONGS OF A DEAD DREAMER AND GRIMSCRIBE, by Thomas Ligotti. A fire sale of post Lovecraft cosmic horror tropes and nihilism. Now warmed up to Ligotti’s literary pulp style. Probably prefer TEATRO GROTTESCO on the whole, but DEAD DREAMER and GRIMSCRIBE’s combined highlights are equally formidable.
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
What's an example of perfect casting?
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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches @simonsaybrams.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Good morning, everybody!
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