Sign in

shmoikel

@shmoikel.bsky.social
14 followers 10 following 70 posts
PostsRepliesMedia
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
I’m not telling anyone my body count that’s a HIPPA violation
010
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
The formula is almost impressive—almost! But this “music” is truly soulless
000
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Do you guys ever wonder if a witch or wizard put a curse on Bruno Mars that he would be objectively successful but he would write the same song over and over for the rest of his life
100
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
TouchTones™️ goddamnit
000
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Goddamn it I have to reskeet this because of that goddamn typo
000
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
The craziest thing about the western Massachusetts covid conscious queer bar drama is that my straight, corporate lawyer brother in law is the one who told me about it
000
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Been sober 613 days, endless benefits seen and unseen, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss absolutely brutalizing a Touchstones™️ nine beers deep
210
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Marge Simpson is left handed, that’s interesting to me
010
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Jesus Christ cosplay
010
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Not the hero we need, but the hero we deserve
010
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Are you like That first so you become a receptionist or are you a receptionist for long enough that you become like That
010
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Why are they always restarting their computers so you can go have a seat
110
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
What’s with receptionists man why are they like That
110
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
“Follicular stage” this “luteal phase” that none of you will see heaven
010
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
Yall have taken this ovulation talk way too far
110
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
Good thing I specified they’re old episodes
000
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
Listening to old episodes of Car Talk just to feel something
100
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
Love seeing him be sinister! But the beard is bonkers.
030
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
SEE that’s so much more chic than “okay maybe you are in psychosis”
100
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
I did successfully change how I write the number 4 and also how I write capital Gs at 27 years of age, but going from “okay” to “ok” feels like a Herculean task, quite frankly.
110
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
While I understand that “ok” is more aesthetically pleasing, more adult, and has a certain je ne sais quois, I’ve always been an “okay” gal and I fear it’s too late to change :-/
110
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
Not photographing for obvious reasons (although I was tempted) but what the actual fuck is going on
000
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
I did just walk by a full saturated tampon laying on the sidewalk
100
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
Or, Loserpalooza
011
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
Lollapalosers
110
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 27/07/2026
🎶🎶 all the young duuuuuuudes, they’re hooked on luuuUuUuuuUuudes 🎶🎶🎶
010
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
Only absolute winners are at Target on a Friday night lemme tell you what
000
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
🎶🎶🎶 all the young duuuuuuudes, they carry luuUuuuuube 🎶🎶🎶
110
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
Having the best adult-kid night ever (jerked off, ate pizza, ripped bong, spent a bunch of money)
110
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
🎶🎶 all the young duuuuuudes, they’ve seen my nuuuuuuuuuudes 🎶🎶
111
Reposted by shmoikel
Peter @notalawyer.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
i don’t need 4. give me the jolly green giant, it’s going to be a fucking bloodbath
98123755
Reposted by shmoikel
heaumeau e. rotacism @vashwood.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
joining the war on taco bell on the side of taco bell
10453971026
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
Let’s watch kids get addicted to heroin & that devastating Cutty storyline and spend time with Chris Partlow & Snoop (okay actually those two are amazing)
010
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
Seasons 1-3 are far too sunny & light
110
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
I’m pretty happy, uncharacteristically optimistic about life/the future, so naturally I think I should rewatch season 4 of the Wire.
110
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
I’m almost 18 months with no alcohol and the confidence, the love for myself, the true bliss that I’ve gained could power 10,000 trains and I guess I just think that’s pretty fuckin neat!
020
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
Knowing I’ll never be drunk again is such a warm, comforting thought but you know what’s even better? Knowing I’ll never be hungover again.
111
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
clownopin
011
Reposted by shmoikel
Hoodlum 🇺🇸 @nothoodlum.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
In 1995, Barry White appeared on the David Letterman show. After reading a Top Ten list called “Words That Sound Romantic When Spoken by Barry White,” he performed his 1973 classic “Never, Never Gonna Give Ya Up.” Because quittin’ just wasn’t his shtick.
2074659716
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
Some of you have never seen Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and it fucking shows
010
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
Sorry something’s up ha ha I’m gonna go lay down
000
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
Like are you in 7th grade? Leave him under the bus. Reverse the bus over this piece of shit body a few times. Stain the bus’s tires with his entrails ya feel me
100
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
“Throws him under the bus” or like was honest about a piece of shit being a piece of shit
100
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
Why can’t I be him
000
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
My stepdad would be so mad bro
000
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
Watch me get swatted for this lmao
100
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
Might fuck around and commit matricide
100
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
I was half asleep when I typed this and I meant bourgeoisie and it’s actually been bothering me a lot because I don’t have a lot going on
000
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 14/07/2026
Being a cancer patient affords you certain luxuries, and one of them is drugs. I don’t want the Benadryl I have at home, I want the hardcore liquid shit!
010
shmoikel @shmoikel.bsky.social · 14/07/2026
No Benadryl drip?? I have to take a pill like a pleb????
110