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Richard Kachenbals

@sevenashenspires.bsky.social
77 followers 208 following 658 posts

something wicked this way busts

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Richard Kachenbals @sevenashenspires.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
inside this suppository mr bond is an electrode primed to deliver a thousand volts directly to your prostate. when activated it will make you ejaculate uncontrollably until you die of dehydration. coming, then going, mister bond.
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Reposted by Richard Kachenbals
Lich Queen Bingus, of the Old Chicago Ruins @bingus.ough.club · 13/07/2025
Call me a child left behind cause this bush got me acting stupid
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Richard Kachenbals @sevenashenspires.bsky.social · 19/06/2026
I’m better than a freethinker. I’m a premiumthinker. A pay-to-win thinker.
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Richard Kachenbals @sevenashenspires.bsky.social · 17/04/2026
combining miracle whip and wonder bread to create a dish I’m thinking of calling Thaumaturge’s Delight. I can’t believe it’s not butter is substituted for the whipped cream to make it into Skeptic’s Breakfast
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Reposted by Richard Kachenbals
Ringtail 🔞 @rllynotringtail.bsky.social · 03/03/2026
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Richard Kachenbals @sevenashenspires.bsky.social · 27/01/2026
a picture of a mock youtube thumbnail purportedly for a video assigning tier rankings to baby food. the text says "PUREE TIER LIST" with the subtitle "NUMBER 8 WILL SHOCK YOU!"
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Richard Kachenbals @sevenashenspires.bsky.social · 31/12/2025
‪imagine being one of the belettered creatures at the New Yorker they task with putting diaereses into the articles. the tortured devotion to a typographical quirk. what kind of warped loyalty it must foster in those unfortunate enough to bear this onerous, futile task. ‬
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Luke O'Neil @lukeoneil47.bsky.social · 30/12/2025
One of the best to ever do it
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Richard Kachenbals @sevenashenspires.bsky.social · 27/11/2025
rigging up a contraption to remotely drop the frozen turkey into the deep fryer like the thing what did the trinity test
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Richard Kachenbals @sevenashenspires.bsky.social · 29/10/2025
make my tombstone a giant pez dispenser that dispenses pez-shaped marble slabs that have the epitaph on them. they’re like little souvenirs.
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Reposted by Richard Kachenbals
lottie "frog k" lovely ⚧️🏴‍☠️ @vaporlight.bsky.social · 26/10/2025
ARBY'S CASHIER: Yo! You look old and weak. What's good OLD MAN: I wanna big heap shit. Same going out as coming in. CASHIER: One order hog fattener grade arby's roof rabbit, is that gonna be big boy or bitch boy OLD MAN: Big boy. Cook it to leather too CASHIER: We don't cook it any other way brother
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Richard Kachenbals @sevenashenspires.bsky.social · 06/10/2025
reminded vaguely of vine, which collapsed because a bunch of the largest creators on it - the people who were generating the site’s *actual* value - approached the company about a deeper (but also labor organized) partnership and the company went “ew!”, scorned them, and the creators all left.
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Richard Kachenbals @sevenashenspires.bsky.social · 04/07/2025
riding my bike through the summer dusk, maximum speed. shrieking, maximum pitch. mouth, fully open. catchin bugs. bat cuisine.
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Richard Kachenbals @sevenashenspires.bsky.social · 31/05/2025
waxed denim jeans except the only part that’s waxed is the crotch and a streak down one of the legs so it looks like you wet your pants
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Richard Kachenbals @sevenashenspires.bsky.social · 21/05/2025
got the wrong kind of “hung chads” in mind when someone told me about the fraud of the 2000 presidential election
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Col. Will Porter @dinosaursheriff.bsky.social · 21/05/2025
Lesbian Goat Stalin
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Richard Kachenbals @sevenashenspires.bsky.social · 01/05/2025
got the song “smoke on the water” confused with the phrase “smoke up your ass”. boy that didn’t go over well at my last live music gig. let’s just say the themed special effects didn’t blow the audience away.
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Richard Kachenbals @sevenashenspires.bsky.social · 05/04/2025
my hobby is standing in front of closed doors in high traffic areas
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Richard Kachenbals @sevenashenspires.bsky.social · 28/03/2025
*pulls out a desiccant pack from the bag of jerky* the fuck kinda cow is this supposed to be from
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Richard Kachenbals @sevenashenspires.bsky.social · 01/03/2025
son the only “psy op” I wanna hear about is the 2012 smash hit by PSY, OPpa gangnam style
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Ubuyo 🏳️‍⚧️ @ubuyo.bsky.social · 30/11/2024
me when my girl takes her top off
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Richard Kachenbals @sevenashenspires.bsky.social · 19/10/2024
went to go receive communion but the priest kept yanking the eucharist back and doing little stunts with it like one of those turkish ice cream vendors. at one point he casually performed a miracle and produced the wafer from behind my ear.
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Richard Kachenbals @sevenashenspires.bsky.social · 07/10/2023
running a marathon with a special gait algorithmically designed to prevent either of my nuts from making contact with the other. for should the two ever meet it would be as the kiss of matter and antimatter
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