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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here!

@scriblit.bsky.social
11K followers 578 following 27K posts

Comedy writer & Author. Repped by JFL. Dead Funny History, Horrible Histories & Horrible Science! Loadsa R4 stuff! And more! Buy the Darkwood Trilogy or Rooks Trilogy or Cursed Under London! 🐝 with the 🫖. Avatar by Tealin!

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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 12h
Me: Now, for your commission, I included a fun, cheeky little surprise... All of my clients: Is is gradient silk again, Gabby? Me:... WELL NOW YOU'VE RUINED THE SURPRISE
A tight fitting dress with pink-gold silk and dark pink sequins on the bodice and a draping skirt of dark magenta to turquoise gradient silkA purple evening gown with dark purple swirling sequins for the bodice and main skirt, with dark purple to lilac gradient silk drapey sleeves and skirt inserts
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
An Attempt Was Made
A floral summer dress with slightly cack handed floral brocade on the peplum and messy lace trim around the skirt hem
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
You will NEVER get me off my gradient silk bullshit, Not never, no how
Adora's Moon Dress - a white velvet ruffled bodice with white to grey gradient silk for the draping skirt and sleeve cuffsVivian's Warrior dress - purplish black silk crossover top covered in diamonds and amathysts and a dark wine purple to light lilac gradient silk slit skirt and drapey sleevesAlice's Raven Dress. Black-blue silk plunge neck dress with a dark green to light sea green front skirt panel and wing-like sleeves, and sea green velvet accents
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
just one more dress, bro. One more dress could fix me.
An incredibly revealing dress in black lace and pink gradient sequins. Hilarious, this is what Alice plans to wear to communicate with her dead parents at a seancea white lace and white-pink silk dress 'for fainting on chaise lounges'An all wine-red silk and sequin gothy dressA black pinstripe and dark red wool mutton sleeve edwardian style dress
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Oh nice! Yeah I struggle with accessories too. managed to do some lace trim last night though!
A gothy wine red & black velvet dress with red lace trim around the boob window
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Hahahaha pretend sewing machine go brrrrrrr
A slinky ballgown in pastel pink & blue gradient silk, with a corset and drapey sleevesA tight, gothy gown in black and wine red velvetA tiered off the shoulder ballgown in pale lilac & tangerine gradient silkA Jazz Age style dress in green & gold snake print, with gold sequin accents
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
9 spooky games currently on sale at Steam with a hard recommend from me
Scarlet Hollow (Branching narrative appalachian folk horror)
The Excavation of Hob's Barrow (Edwardian english point & click adventure folk horror)
The Drifter (point & click adventure Aussie sci fi horror)
Slay the Princess (branching narrative meta horror)
The Blackwell games (point & click adventure game series abut a psychic and her best friend, the ghost of a mouthy bisexual tailor who died in 1931) 
Unavowed (same universe as Blackwell, point and click team-up puzzle adventure about a magic scooby gang who battle demons in New York)
Lamplight City (19th Century steampunk AU detective game. I cannot tell you the spooky element as it's a plot twist)
Vampire Therapist (therapy sim. With vampires!)
Immortality (VERY narrative film footage game where you have to uncover the various layers of narrative. Again, I can't tell you the spooky bit but it's clear from early on, the main character doesn't seem to age. CW for sexual content & sexual violence for this one)
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
This afternoon's work (all for story mode/pigeon challenges so I shan't spoil re exactly what they're for)
A blue botanical print and white cotton frilled tiered milkmaid style dress for Fiona the farmerA ridiculous flouncy golden hibiscus print ballgown with yellow silk trim and flowers on the belt for PrudenceA warm red and gold velvet dress with big sleeves and a straight, bias cut long skirt for my absolute babe Edith the Opera singer
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Book Quote Wednesday & the word is TREAT. In Cursed Under London, Lazare knows only too well that he is the biggest treat of all. He just needs Fang to understand that and stop MOPING, who mopes about KISSING?? #BookSky #BookQW Buying links: farragobooks.com/book-series/...
Quote from Cursed Under London. Quote reads: ‘Just take what you came here for,’ he whispered, and leaned his mouth into Lazare’s just that whisper he needed for their lips to touch, ‘you only really want one thing. Stop trying to fool yourself that this is anything but – you’re not fooling me.’
Lazare pulled away, angrily.
Fang’s eyes still danced with desperation, pain and now humiliation and rage. ‘Again?’ He seethed.
‘I could ask the same of you,’ whispered Lazare. ‘Didn’t you say less than ten minutes ago you weren’t going to try it on again?’
Fang rolled onto his back, angrily. ‘What was wrong with it this time? I’m sober! You can’t tell yourself you’re just being gentlemanly around a drunk.’
‘I keep saying, I won’t sleep with you if you’re sad about it. Sleeping with me is a treat, and you should be duly delighted. You deserve a treat, Fang of Cathay.’
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Going Dogging in this
Derek's Beatles Car from Peter Jackson's early movie Bad Taste. It's a modified old blue car with a windscreen on the roof and the original windscreen filled with cardboard cutouts of the Beatles
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Today's top, the new purchase and loudest jumper
Me in a knitted black top with a large cherry motifMe in a white jumper with pink and red strawberries pattern Me in a pink, green and white aurora borealis design baggy jumper with fir tree silhouettes at the bottom
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Happy Bi Visibility Day from my most bisexual millennial mug, because this B is with the T(ea)
Tea in a team rocket mug featuring Jesse, James and meowth
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Happy Bi Visibility Day to this excellent running gag in Touch of Cloth
Three panels from Touch of Cloth.
Panel 1, Jack asks 'so you're gay?'
Panel 2, Ann says 'bi, Jack'
Panel 3, Jack says 'No, don't go, it's none of my business'
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Happy Bi Visibility Day to absolutely everyone in Cursed (except for Wulfric who is Ace & therefore has his own day & Amber's sexuality is unknown), a trilogy that I describe as 'aggressively Bisexual' & I think you can see what's going on with the covers there farragobooks.com/book-series/...
The pink front cover for Cursed Under LondonThe purple front cover for Cursed in the Lost City
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Sometimes one of my cool funny friends will just send me a book they wrote
A copy of middle aged women get shit done, by Lucy porter off the telly
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Darryl from Crazy Ex Girlfriend playing sax in front of a bi pride flag
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
The Book Quote Wednesday word is KNEW. At the start of Cursed Under London, there's a lot that Lazare doesn't know, but one thing he DOES know is, he's definitely not a vampire, even though everyone thinks he is, and he just got fired for it. #BookSky #BookQW buy: farragobooks.com/book-series/...
Quote from Cursed Under London. Quote reads: ‘I’m not a vampire, Madame,’ Lazare replied, ensuring she could see his normal human teeth through his renewed smile. 
‘Or whatever it is that you actually are,’ continued Lady Alice, smoothly, and Lazare had no answer to that. He knew that the one thing he very definitely was, was fired.
Lazare wasn’t a vampire. That much, he knew. To become a vampire, one must be turned by another vampire. It hadn’t been a vampire attack that had started Lazare’s recent troubles, but humdrum, run of the mill human muggers, with boring old cudgels and knives. Vampire attacks were actually very rare in Upper London, in spite of all the lurid rumours and whispers about their kind, and it was even rarer for a vampire to revive a dying human by turning them without their consent. No, none of this was a vampire’s doing. In fact, the only vampires that ever bothered Lazare even now were…
‘Sir? Good Sir? Excuse me?’
Lazare sighed inwardly, and painted his smile on for the approaching vampire. 
‘I couldn’t help but notice that you appear to be afflicted, Sir.’
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
More 'ow my back' bisexuals, I say! MORE!
Kel Knight, a loving, kind, faithful bisexualDarryl Whitefeather, a loving, kind, faithful bisexualEda Clawthorn, a loving, kind, mostly faithful bisexualBob Belcher, a loving, kind, faithful bisexual
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
The Alliance of Magicians from Arrested Development, demanding to be taken seriously
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
"We didn't need no mobile phones or trackers, we'd just agree ter meet by The Left Lion or the Big Clock at a set time. 'See ya at the Big Clock at 1', we'd say. Yeah, the only Tick Tock we needed were the ticking an tocking of that big and ornate timepiece slash water feature"
Grampa Simpson telling a rambling anecdote
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
It's just... yep. That's what they look like. Anyway, follow @twirlynoodle.com
Fanart of Douglas and Martin in the cockpit, looking thoughtfully at a sunset. Douglas is Roger Allam-ish, Martin is a small and anxious looking manArt of Douglas and Martin again. Douglas clutches the yoke, looking manic. Martin screams in fear
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
We've held a village referendum
Pixel art of a terrified young man tied to a tree as a sacrifice in The Excavation of Hb's Barrow
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
What scene makes you emotional no matter how many times you see it? (Twist! Games make me even more emotional than TV/films bc I'm a bit more immersed)
Stella & Daffodil with Alice at the Everdoor, from Spiritfarer
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
It's Book Quote Wednesday & the word is TREE. In the Cursed series, Fang's one fond memory of home is of time spent with someone under a peach tree there. Maybe if he can die, he can see it again. #BookSky #BookQW buying links farragobooks.com/book-series/...
Quote from Cursed Under London. Quote reads: Fang didn’t even think. His hands were already on Randall’s shoulder, his foot already on the ruffian’s thigh, he pushed himself up and vaulted over both Randall and Lazare’s shoulders, one leg curling back as he dropped down the other side of the two men to kick the stake out of Thomasina’s hands before landing.
He lashed out a foot. It hit nothing but thin air. He’d mistimed the kick.
Thomasina was still lunging, her eyes widened in alarm at the man who had just dropped down between her and her intended target.
Fang tried to make a last-ditch grab for the stake.
But it was too late.
There was a terrible, meaty sound of sharp wood entering flesh, and Thomasina’s face was right next to his, etched with shock.
‘Sorry,’ she mumbled. ‘That wasn’t meant for you.’
Everything was going dark, again.
Maybe, maybe this time he would die. Maybe someone was waiting for him. Underneath that peach tree, that big peach tree back home.
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
The person with the music written on their arse from Hieronymus Bosch's Garden of Earthly Delights has pulled out of Ed Sheeran's tour
A bare bum with music written on it. Someone is pointing at it all 'look! Arse music!'
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
My HH MCR parody band made up of heirs to the British throne who died before they could become king has pulled out of Ed Sheeran's tour
My Horrible Histories MCR parody band made up of a Georgian prince, a Tudor prince and a medieval prince.
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
The Boy Band Made Up Of Four Joshes have pulled out of Ed Sheeran's tour
The boy band made up of 4 Joshes from Crazy Ex Girlfriend
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Antony Carmicheal has pulled out of supporting Ed Sheeran's tour
Rapper Anthony Carmicheal, just after introducing Britain to rap music on the Music 2000 episode of Look Around You
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
The Glam Metal Detectives have pulled out of supporting Ed Sheeran's Tour
The Glam Metal Detectives
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Ooooh yes I love her stuff but it's generally out of my price range EXCEPT FOR MY BAG which i bought in an end of line sale
A green mid century modern style mum bag
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
'And Peter J Hammond, who did NOT die'
Gonzo and Rizzo as Charles Dickens and Rizzo
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
*Enya plays gently in the background*
Dr Goodsir, played by Paul Ready, looking down with an expression of soft, benevolent concernDr Goodsir, played by Paul Ready, on a hellish arctic encampment, gazing into the middle distance with quiet, sad determinationDr Goodsir, played by Paul Ready, screaming in terror at something we can't see like the gentle delicate princess of a man that he isDr Goodsir, played by Paul Ready, looking down in gentle concern again. He does this a lot.
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
(respectfully) Would
Steve Buscemi as a New York firefighter in the 80s. He has floppy light brown hair. He looks sexy but in my opinion, he's always kind of sexy. I like his weird face.
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
how your email finds me
Corner Doll from that very haunted, possibly AI spookified Rightmove listing everyone's sharing
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Book Quote Wednesday & the word is DRIP. Which, in Cursed Under London, gives me the chance to introduce you to Fang's horrible magic power. He has Reverse Glamour. He can make anything (but himself) look disgusting. Including the walls. #BookSky #BookQW Buying links farragobooks.com/book-series/...
Quote from Cursed Under London. Quote reads: Randall turned, his stake raised, away from Lazare and towards the stranger. ‘I enjoyed crushing you foreign muck into the filth last time. Cheers for coming back for an encore.’
The stranger tilted his head a little at Randall. ‘Filth, is it?’
Something off to Lazare’s side caught his eye. The wall of the narrow alley was wet with sewage, as if gong buckets were tipping out from every window above, all at the same time. He glanced at the other wall – it was doing the same. The filth was coming down thick and fast, a great unending torrent of it, slick, and dripping lumps. Lazare tried to pull his bags closer to himself and folded his wings even tighter than usual over his shoulders, to avoid touching the disgusting walls. The muggers noticed it too.
‘What the…’
‘Sloppy buckets time, Randall,’ noted Herbert.
‘But that’s at dawn,’ Randall muttered. ‘What’s going on?’ He turned to the stranger again. ‘Be this magic?’
‘No, this be poo-poo,’ Herbert explained. ‘Happens all the time.’
‘Herbert, look up. There’s no windows!’
Lazare looked up, along with Herbert. There were indeed no windows along either of the narrow alley walls. Filth was just streaming down it from nowhere.
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
the 'two buttons' meme. Button 1 is labeled 'the fash were polite to three white women having drinkipoos on a train'. Button 2 is labeled 'the fash parked inconsiderately in a kent village, annoying a Tory MP'. the sweating hero is labeled 'UK press'
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Got myself a @dochackenbush.bsky.social original
Me in a purple t shirt with a picture of a screaming orange cat. T shirt slogan says "have you considered screaming about it?"
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Deffo US Office & Abbot Elementary but also
The cast of SuperstoreThe cast of Cabin pressureThe cast of Bob's BurgersThe cast of Green Wing
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
The Gru's whiteboard meme.

In panel 1, the whiteboard says 'pegging jokes'
In panel 2, the whiteboard says 'bullying guy kelly'
In panel 3, the whiteboard says 'bafta'
In panel 4, Gru looks at the whiteboard, bewildered
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Stop shitting yerselves to death! Stop shitting yerselves lit'rally inside out! We liked you lot for a while! Then you! E! Lected a peadophile!
the cast of oliver
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Howl from Howl's moving castle freaking out about his hair. Howl (a prattling fool) is labeled 'guy'. Sophie, wizened and nonplussed, is labelled 'all the other 40 somethings on Bluesky'. Merkle, aghast, is labeled 'a child who has tricked the age verification for some reason'
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
vibes:
Maid Marian & the merry menDungeon & Dragons: Honor amongst thievesWillo the wisp
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
In bayeux tapestry style, we see a yellow horse with a man pointing at it. Text reads: Yellowe hors. Whenne thou spye a yellowe hprs thou must crie out yellowe hors. That is howe thou playes the yellowe hors game.
Two men ask 'how endeth the game?'
The first man replies 'it endeth nott'.

It is a Cabin Pressure reference.
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
Your honour, I love them
Post timeskip Adult Bobby Hill and Connie Sousanousenphone from later king of the hill, on a hospital bed together. They're aged 20ish. Connie has an arm in a sling.
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
I have met Queen Floella! I got quite emotional
Me an floella Benjamin. We are both wearing sparkly dresses
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
It's Book Quote Wednesday and the word is APPEAR. In Cursed Under London, undead immortal Lazare & runt dragon Amber's search for Fang in Upper London is interrupted when two menacing humans appear in an alley. #BookSky #BookQW buying links: farragobooks.com/book-series/...
Quote from Cursed Under London. quote reads: Well, thought Lazare, at least the South Bank was pleasant enough in the day. And, once they got to the bridge, they’d be back in civilisation again. Yes, the shops and bars that crowded Blackfriars Bridge were touristy as anything, but it had to be an improvement on the alleyways where his person – and, more importantly, all of his stuff – were in peril. He could see the opening of the narrow alleyway ahead, and hurried to reach it, to embrace the relative safety of the bridge’s many ‘I Love Upper London’ Tankard stalls and Ye Emporium of New Worlde Sweetes, but just as the end was in reach, two shadows appeared at the opening.
‘Well, well, well,’ said one of the shadows.
‘Well, well, well, well,’ added the second shadow, like a menacing, mocking echo.
The shadows of the alley shifted, and suddenly their way was blocked by two figures.
‘What are you two doing on the Upperside?’ asked the first voice.
‘We’re allowed,’ said Amber, quietly.
‘This is our London, Sunshine,’ added the second voice, eyeing up Lazare’s wings. ‘Oop, sorry. Are you offended by the word “Sunshine”, Sunshine?’
‘I’m not a vampire, actually,’ Lazare said, as levelly as he could. ‘Upper London’s my home, just as it’s yours.’
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
Really enjoying how Coyote v Acme has brought this guy back into the zeitgeist. Wake up babe, we're LorreMaxxing
Peter Lorre
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
I just
Eda from Owl House. She's furious, and surrounded by magic sparksAizawa from My Hero, in the artwork to celebrate the final popularity rankings (he was, as usual, 4th after the main trio). He's in robes that to my western eye make him look like a saint.Dola the pirate captain from Laputa Castle in the Sky. She's more of a 'burying insecurities under charm and jokes' type than a depresso messo, but she hits every other element of the character typeFanart of Shane from Stardew with his goddaughter/adopted daughter Jas. He's fondly letting her put a flower crown on him. The image search says the credit for the fanart goes to CheezyMe123 on DeviantArt
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
If I had £1 for every comedy I've discovered via word of mouth & loved this year despite it being treated horribly by its own studio, set in a down at heel law firm in a US desert city, i'd have £2 which isn't much but weird that etc etc
The characters from Strip LawThe characters from coyote v acme
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