markmcelroy.com
For the New Fascists, X Marks the Spot
_Written with tongue firmly in cheek as a reply tothis Daring Fireball post and this conversation on Mastodon._
* * *
**We are the new fascists.** Please do not mistake us for the old fascists. We’re not much for saluting, donning jackboots, or goose-stepping. Fact is, we’re too weary of politics and too focused on our social media stats to confront or oppose the old guard fascists anymore. So: we’re just hanging out, preferably on X.
**We’re uncomfortable with supporting fascism directly.** We prefer to support it indirectly with our influence and presence on X. We need you to be okay with this so that we can walk back our previously held, very public ethical stances against being on X without feeling the pinch of criticism or cancellation.
**Please don’t talk to us about our politics.** The first rule of the new fascism is this: _nobody talks about the new fascism_. Enough with the politics! Just hang out with us here on X, where all the action is anyway. We prefer our pristine views to not be obstructed by people with tiresome obsessions about boring topics — like ethics or principles. On X, we now see only the things we want to pay attention to, which, if you think about it, is a very clever way of saying we _don’t_ see the things we _don’t_ want to pay attention to — like the fascism.
**Please don’t talk about your politics, either.** Your politics are bumming us out. Frankly, we’re disappointed you’re still talking about things like DOGE and high-tech attempts to suppress the vote and tech bros licking the boots of Donald Trump and social media’s role in polarizing the population and, yeah, fascism. That’s so 2026, man. Keep all that off X. Put it on Mastodon and Bluesky, where no one goes, anyway.
**If you want to be somebody, you gotta be on X.** It’s unfortunate. We aren’t really happy about it. But X is where the action is, you know? So, we’ve all gone back to X. It’s not like we have our own media platforms. We _have_ to maintain a presence on fascist-owned social media! We really have no choice. Besides: you’re the ones who make us popular, so it’s not exactly _our_ fault that our presence on X boosts the social clout and financial fortunes of fascists.
**Y’all need to get over Elon Musk.** We know, we know: the man who plastered an “All Fascists Welcome” banner outside our online clubhouse is a bit of a glitcher. But we don’t see him much these days. He’s not all up in our feeds anymore. Maybe he won’t come back, especially since his absence is a great excuse for our presence. Besides, if we admit that Musk really hasn’t abandoned X, we’re left with the uncomfortable truth that all that’s really been abandoned are our principles.
**All the cool stuff is on X.** Did you see John Ternus tell us all hello? Did you see Apple commemorate Steve Jobs’s death? Yesterday we saw a post about the percentage of hazelnuts in Nutella. Last week there was one about the orange juice in Mountain Dew! Did you see Jason Fried posting about vibe-coding a writing app? Will you get _any_ of this _action_ on Mastodon? On Bluesky? _No sir, you will not!_
**So don’t give us shit about being on X.** If we want that, we’ll go back to Mastodon, where all those doomsayers have the gall to shove their ethical arguments directly in our faces! Were you on X when John Gruber and Marco Arment and Federico Viticci returned? All the cheerful, optimistic inhabitants greeted them with candy and flowers and sweet, sweet inclusiveness. (_Dabs tears_.)
**Y’all need to join us.** Look: your continued opposition to fascism is frankly a little embarrassing. As one of our idols said, “It’s time to call it over. Otherwise, you’re like those Japanese soldiers on Pacific islands who thought they were still fighting WWII years after it ended.” Let us say that plainly: _the war is over._ Resistance is futile. The fascists won. We’ve won!
_And everyone is more likely to believe that if you’ll just shut your pie holes and join all the cool kids back here on X._
