iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 15/10/2026

When she’s being thoughtful she’ll say “ee-aa-oo,” three staccato notes stepping down the scale

Stacey the white-booted tortie tuxie looking into the camera. Her flame orange highlights are particularly stunning in October

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 15/10/2026

Later on, I saw her solemnly marching a bundle of feathers and talons to the dumpster in one of these bad boys

A McDonald's Halloween Bucket Guide! 1986-1994. Pumpkin buckets debuted first and dominated the lineup from '86-88. 1989 saw the introduction of the green witch and ghost buckets. In 1994, the final year of the McDonald's Halloween Bucket promotion, the witch became purple and got a more detailed and menacing face. I deem it inferior.

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 13/10/2026

I visited some friends at the Fred Rogers Center in Latrobe and they were happy to hear you’re doing well!

Queen Sarah, King Friday, Prince Tuesday, Daniel Striped Tiger, Lady Elaine Fairchild, and X the Owl

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 13/10/2026

God love a city that graces its signature cheapass beer with Bookman Swash

Iron City Beer! (B. Swash part) The Beer Drinker’s Beer!

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 11/10/2026

I’m in Pittsburgh right now. It’s nice! It’s run-down a bit but most people seem pretty friendly and there’s tons of stuff to do! I saw a harpy eagle, and that’s a lot scarier than anything I’ve seen on the street in the Big City. He’s in bird jail, even!

An extremely large white eagle with gray highlights. It has massive talons, angry-looking solid black eyes and a messy hairdo

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 09/10/2026

Got my Yuengling. I ended up abandoning the Bloody Mary in PDX because I felt my lips getting all fucked up

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 09/10/2026

Spaghetti line wrapped around the terminal but I got my cocktail

A Bloody Mary and aaaaa aaaaaaa I just took a sip and this is so salty. You could pickle fish in this. That might be tasty, actually

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 07/10/2026

I decided to get all classy in a late 90s way with my new SheepShaver desktop, but idk I think I feel the garfs a'callin' (tossed salad and scrambled eggs)

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 06/10/2026

There are also runes, borders, religious symbols, zodiac signs, a pretty near comprehensive set of proto-emojis, even a font for making proto-dollz, and it's perfectly legible even though every character could fit on the head of a pin

Little people and disembodied heads made out of Jittlov fonts

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 03/10/2026

Bert hates Cats the musical: “Jellicle cats aren’t real, I don’t know what the Heaviside Layer is, and they completely missed the part where Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat comes down the chimney on his train and gives us presents.”

Bert the gray/brown tabby pontificates from his rocking chair

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 02/10/2026

Hanging this off a northbound I5 overpass in Ashland. One of them is Rob Bonta.

The “Two Bad Neighbors” sign George H.W. Bush displays on his house to anger Homer Simpsons. Crude cartoons of Bart and Homer appear with the text

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 02/10/2026

I might need to wear this with a battle vest that clarifies my ideology

A gray T-shirt with an image of Richard Nixon about to release a bowling ball

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 01/10/2026

Birthday card from my brother. As you can see, we all talk in kind of a weird mannered way

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 30/09/2026

What happens on this Romeo & Juliet balcony inexplicably attached to a parking garage?

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 30/09/2026

The Vieux Carré comes with BIG CUBE. It reminds me of BIG CUBE

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 30/09/2026

And here’s my Aviation, my favorite cocktail in the whole wide world. Looks so dishwatery but tastes like every microburst event I’ve experienced, specifically the ones in elementary school

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 26/09/2026

Bert status: bouncing from place to place like a bunny, or Tigger

Bert the gray/brown tabby looking into the future

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 25/09/2026

I think Rupert Hine did a song about the Commodore with a pet for a head, a flesh and blood man borne of metal computers whose blood runs blue like that of a cybernetic cuttlefish and who dissolves the solder of civilization with a kiss, but idk he sang about a lot of crazy future shit

The Commodore PET, the most trapezoid it is possible for a computer to be

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 25/09/2026

Buy Canad’jun 🇨🇦 I 🏴‍☠️ this just last week because it doesn’t stream and now I’m legal. I also bought a cheap copy of Malcolm McLaren’s “Fans” because it was cheap and used and I don’t care to give Malcolm’s estate my streaming pennies. Terrible guy! Interesting album!

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 21/09/2026

Change one word, and the prose on the cover of my senior high school yearbook sounds like something Columbo would say as several bodies are pulled out of a pool and loaded into a van

Amidst all the
chaos
there is one
Pattern
we are all
South Salem
Saxons

In Arial!

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 20/09/2026

That and a link to your guestbook. What else do you need? What else do you DESERVE, if we really get down to it?

So my brother saw all the punks at school wearing patch-covered battle vests, so he found a brown silk dress vest at Value Village, made his own Lionel Ritchie patch on the inkjet printer, and used the sewing machine to put it all together. The red glowing eyes were created by layering the patch over silk. We couldn’t find a good picture of the clay head from the Hello video, so the Lionel Ritchie is, like, Lionel Ritchie in 2003. His principal genuinely thought he had formed a gang, it was hilarious

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 20/09/2026

For all these sites, I’d try to make a photo slideshow only to discover that was too heavy a lift for the host, so I just swapped ‘em out manually whenever I remembered to.

Sitting in front of a rock cliff on the beach, reading Kick Me: Adventures in Adolescence by Paul Feig. I have dyed short orange hair with a blue scarf around my head, a matchingish blue dress, and a beaded bracelet I probably got in Warm Springs. I’m wearing checkered cat-eye ska sunglasses, one of my most prized possessions. Later that day we had vegan hotpot at Loving Hut, which was delicious AND culty.

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 20/09/2026

I had a 2nd website for Corporate Wednesday, a trend for weirdos and theater kids that spread to a few middle and high schools in the district. My younger brother and I got ties at the bins and passed them out so everybody could participate. All the site pictures were of people shaking hands.

My brother and I shaking hands in the computer room. He’s wearing a trench coat, bowtie, and bowler hat. I, head all be-oranged, have terrible posture in an 80s white linen blazer with red skirt and matching pussy bow. We wanted to take this handshake picture at the municipal airport in front of some planes, but y’know, 9/11

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 20/09/2026

Remember when you’d collect 30x30 animated GIFs representing all your favorite things and arrange them in a grid on your website? Most people who were into it were also into Dollz. What did we call those? I was frustrated I couldn’t find one for Sparks but I did have Talking Heads and Duran Duran

Back in Oregon, a fire truck skidded down a hill and landed in my neighbor’s yard one extremely snowy day. The house of a kid I had earlier accused of poetry contest plagiarism (from Bloom County, no less!) burned to the ground that day. Karma getcha.

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 20/09/2026

I was kind of proud of my website; the monthly bandwidth allotment was so low but I wanted to have full color jpgs of my own photos (digital camera woo) instead of 256 color GIFs, so I made it super minimalist. I took this in WI in 2003, probably an hour or two south of Rigsby:

A landscape photo of a truck trailer sitting in a vacant lot, with flat Wisconsin farmland stretching off into the horizon. “World of Variety” is written in script on the side of the trailer

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 15/09/2026

(My allegiance was with Ellen Feiss, who today is Dr. Ellen Feiss)

A white teenage girl with blonde hair tied up in a bun and puffy eyes, relating how her PC ate, like, half her paper (which was really good)

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 14/09/2026

my phone decided to show me some pictures of Bert’s probable dad Paisley today

Paisley the orange cinnamon roll tomcat fellating a car antenna

Paisley pitches woo at Stacey through a front window

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 11/09/2026

I’d probably go to Sizzler if they’d kept their original logo. Pure Helvetica, center justified, no stylized letters or any other elements to complicate the message, which is: Sizzler.

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 05/09/2026

That place and time was in my mom’s minivan in 1999, driving past this mural. It was a triple whammy: this is a queer song, and I am a queer person, and that’s really cool.

Theatrical Heartscape, a mural depicting Theda Bara, Charlie Chaplin, Marlene Dietrich and (off camera) WC Fields on the back of the historic Elsinore Theater

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J. Frank "Ham" von Sandwich (b. 1886, Kraków) @sandwichfrank.northsky.social · 05/09/2026

Got my favorite Christmas album back so we're making progress. Great for if you're celebrating Christmas on Hamburger Hill or jail

Rhino's "Bummed Out Christmas" comp. The cover depicts a scrawny artificial Christmas tree in front of a glowing rabbit ears television

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