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Sam Handwich

@samhandwitch.bsky.social
266 followers 1.2K following 760 posts

im a lurker mostly

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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
i’m absolutely howling at some of these
"Two hours of a meth gospel musical is too long. Lithgow carried though."
r/ movies user
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
We have these massive plants
Redwood tree, a massive plant
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
i should call her
road narrows sign that looks an hourglass figure
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
i should call her
NFL pro bowl symbol that looks vaguely vaginal
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
Winnie the Pooh meme, regular Pooh “sour cream and onion”, smug fancy tuxedoed Pooh “crème fraîche and swēt önión”
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
god damn it
Faked FedEx tracking site showing package was delivered to the Moon
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 23/07/2026
Dear Care and Feeding,
My sister, "Heather," and her husband are expecting their first child in November (a son). However, the first and middle names they want to give him will result in initials that spell out something unfortunate...
The baby's initials will be "CUM." When my husband and I realized this, we nearly died laughing. Still, I can't imagine having to go through school (to say nothing of life in general) with something like that hanging over me. I'm not sure Heather has put it together. Should we clue her in and try to persuade her to choose something different?
—There's Something You Should Know
Dear There's Something You Should Know,
Maybe you think you're warning her, sparing her son from a life of horrible nicknames but, trust me, people do not want your opinions on their kids' names, even initials. This is not like pointing out lettuce in someone's teeth, they are not going to say "thank you." They will be annoyed and regretful that they shared the baby's name with you. Even if they name their baby
"Ballsack Giacomo" or "Tits Wellington" or "Donald," you should keep your mouth shut.
The worst thing that happens is they "realize their mistake" down the road, when they get monogrammed bibs sent from a clueless aunt. Then they'll know. And then it's theirs to laugh about or fix. But maybe they do know and it's an homage to a Latin phrase they both enjoy? Did you perverts ever think of that? Either way, be kind, and don't mention it to them.
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 30/06/2026
Inglorious basterds meme of guy holding up 3 fingers but not in the German way, revealing himself to be a spy, with caption Democrat Candidate
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 06/06/2026
lmao
Google search for “widows bay” showing suggested search “the next martha's vineyard and definitely not cursed”
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 08/05/2026
Jesse Hawken:
So far no official statement from Lucasfilm or the Walt Disney Company regarding the death this morning of
Grogu

Brendel:
An endearing thing about this website is how we all decided to hate Grogu and make it him a kind of cultural sin eater

the abbot of unreason:
I agreed about this until the CIA Centrist Governor…
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 05/04/2026
Chernobyl after exploding with text “Bro skipped power plant day”
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 05/04/2026
Bro musta skipped Bridge Day
Historical black and white photo of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapsing into a river
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 29/03/2026
Screenshot from Kpop Demon Hunters of a plane flying without the tail section, right before Mira says “yeah, this plane’s trashed”
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 16/03/2026
hell yeah ai slop girl loves her new gloves from ABCXYZ on amazon
AI girl frowning and washing dishes trying to sell you kitchen gloves
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 26/02/2026
unfortunately it’s the n-word
Ad with a picture of an old man with caption “Alzheimer's Begins When You Can't Say This Word”
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 31/01/2026
NIST standard reference peanut butter jar
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 20/01/2026
Big opportunity for anyone brave enough
Bluesky search for “pedophilia name for girl” showing no results
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 06/01/2026
I was thinking how cis/trans are chemistry-adjacent terms for human sexuality. But can we take it further, with particle physics? Top/bottom quarks… quarks are always in composite particles like protons (polycules)… gluons hold things together (unicorns?)… work in progress
Diagram of the particles in the standard model of physics from wikipedia, including top/bottom quarks
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 01/01/2026
Goat licking its lips
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 01/01/2026
Hell yeah lfg
2026 Word: GOAT
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 01/01/2026
Dr Manhattan sitting on Mars, wondering when it’s time for two more hard boiled eggs with salt and pepper eaten over the sink
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 14/12/2025
The explanation is less than satisfying
Explanation of the “riddle”… honestly it makes no sense
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 07/12/2025
Image
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 22/11/2025
Goat licking its lips
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 21/11/2025
mfw goat video
A goat licking its lips
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 21/11/2025
Glenn Beck is sorry about All That (racism)
In reversal, Coast Guard again classifies swastikas, nooses as hate symbols
The new order came hours after The Post reported the service would instead classify such symbols as "potentially divisive" under guidelines set for release next month.
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 20/10/2025
problematic crab
Tweet reading “ummm hey me and the other crabs in the bucket have noticed that ur actually getting near the top. and like so sorry but that's lowkey problematic:/ bc like we'll still be in the bucket : (| sooo yea if u could maybe take accountability and get back in the bucket”
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 01/10/2025
Me, a communist: "Schumer needs to whip his caucus harder into opposing the secretary of labor nominee! 17 yes votes is unacceptable."
Sheryl, retired lowa schoolteacher who caucused for Klobuchar: "so what if he carries his kid around, a 4 year old isn't stopping a bullet"
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 25/09/2025
Tweet that reads “Being a billionaire must be insane. You can buy new teeth, new skin. All your chairs cost 20,000 dollars and weigh 2,000 pounds. Your life is just a series of your own preferences. In terms of cognitive impairment it's probably like being kicked in the head by a horse every day”
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 22/09/2025
Tweet from @prophethusband “Me: Im treatmaxxing Lol. Eating a bunch of snacks instead of dinner
Wife: They call that Girl Dinner now
Me (looking out the window): Thats not what im doing. I'm doing something else”
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 21/09/2025
Will Trump and Vance use Charlie Kirk’s memorial to call for unity? Yeah that sounds like something they would do 👍
Washington Post headline: will trump and vance use charlie kirk’s murder to call for unity?
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 12/09/2025
The dumbest minds of our generation lament death of colossal asshole
George F Will, marc thiessen, mcmegan hagiographies of asshole charlie kirk
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 04/09/2025
I beg to differ.
Close up of a chud’s t shirt at a pro January 6 protest with the words “enrique tarrio did nothing wrong!”
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 21/08/2025
Demerzel from the Foundation TV series
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 23/07/2025
I really enjoyed the story. This jumped out at me. “Repopulating Mars” is either simple misspeaking or indicative of very strange beliefs.
He reasoned that Musk aligned himself with Trump "because he is driven by a greater mission," he said. "He knows that in order for Tesla to be successful... America must be strong. And remember, he's driven by repopulating Mars."
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 09/07/2025
One of my favorite tweets
John Ganz tweet: 

“left wing intellectuals on right wing intellectuals: wow look at all these fun weirdos, i am gonna make a special scrap book of their ideas...omg do i have a crush?

right wing intellectuals on left wing intellectuals: look, these guys are all jews”
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 24/06/2025
And this is how I picture Gregor from Ep 2, just based on his voice
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 18/06/2025
Boooooo
Today’s NYT spelling bee saying incel is not a word
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 29/05/2025
You’ve gotta try these
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 18/03/2025
I went to twitter looking for Mike’s hard penis, and found… an ad (?) for a free trip to mars?? What’s going on over there
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 16/03/2025
what the FUCK! the apple juice mafia also made beef juice!
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 15/03/2025
Reading the ancient texts
Treaty of Waitangi, looks like Bart SimpsonMississippi looks like Bart Simpson
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 28/02/2025
nice
69% of readers answered this accurately
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 20/02/2025
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 07/02/2025
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 17/01/2025
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 13/01/2025
It comes in gallons, too
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 06/01/2025
Hey @wyattprivilege.bsky.social you introduced me to Mr Inbetween on Twitter and it was incredible, you got any other secret Aussie shows or other recs?
Mr Inbetween giving his signature smile before maiming or killing someone
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 20/12/2024
I always pictured this guy
The psychiatrist from the Simpsons at a microphone
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Sam Handwich @samhandwitch.bsky.social · 13/12/2024
Jar of extra mild salsa for people with weak constitutions and low moral character
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