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robertus

@robertus.bsky.social

876 followers 1.3K following 5.4K posts

Copy editor ordinaire, he/him, hockey official, hobby medievalist, sometime writer of words in a sequence, New Yorker in Maryland, sublime dot idealist at the gee mail.

Posts Replies Media

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

for the @fark.com football threads:

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

The Onion "Sickos" guy, wearing a powdered wig and poofy shirt, stares pervetedly into the window and says "Oui! Hon Hon Hon... Oui!" His label reads "Pervers"

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

We told you not to fuck the popcorn bucket

The popcorn bucket giveway from Dune 1, which features a sandworm jumping out of the lid.

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Homer Simpson holds the cursed Krusty doll and stares blankly at the merchant, unsure whether what he'd just said was good or bad.

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

The Antikythera mechanism, an ancient Greek model of the solar system, found in the wreckage of a ship dating from the 2nd century BCE, when I was young.

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Homer Simpson, holding the cursed Krusty doll, is unsure whether a thing is good or bad.

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robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Otis Day & the Knights will no longer be opening for Ed Sheeran

From Animal House, Otis Day sings Shout. Behind are some of the Knights.

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

This sounds like an incredible shirt

A paragraph reading: We meet on a video call. At 74, he looks wonderful. He’s wearing a stars and stripes bandana and a T-shirt that says Lord’s Gym, illustrated with a picture of Jesus doing press-ups with the crucifix on his back. His face, less full than it once was, is magnificently creased and creviced, with laughter lines galore."

The section about the T-shirt is highlighted in yellow

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

How it started | How it's going

Billy Ray Cyrus, tryin to grow his beared in to cover up the chops and soul patch

Big Mouth Billy Bass

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

Welcome to Bluesky. Please familiarize yourself with the following accounts to understand the range of opinions it is acceptable to express

The character selection screen from Mortal Kombat II.
Top: Liu Kang, Kung Lao, Johnny Cage, Reptile
Middle: Sub-Zero, Shang Tsun, Kitana, Jax
Bottom: Mileena, Baraka, Scorpion, Raiden

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 26/08/2026

Pedro Pietri's poem Telephone Booth (number 905 1/2)

woke up this morning
feeling excellent,
picked up the telephone
dialed the number of
my equal opportunity employer
to inform him I will not
be into work today
Are you feeling sick?
the boss asked me
No Sir I replied:
I am feeling too good
to report to work today,
if I feel sick tomorrow
I will come in early

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 23/08/2026

There is a gangster-themed hot dog place on one of the routes my daughter and I frequently drive, and this got me wondering. As it turns out, prices are not listed on the menu, which suggests I cannot afford them

A screenshot of the menu from the aforementioned gangster-themed hot dog place:
Lucky Luciano

Mac n' cheese / bacon / crushed potato chips

OG
"Original Gangster"

Any choice of yellow mustard / Dijon mustard / onions / relish / sauerkraut / ketchup
(+.50 for extra ingredients)

Substitute: Pollock Johnny's $.50
Turkey Dog or Veggie Dog Available

Premium Ingredients $1.00 (Each):
Chili / Spicy Chili / Pepperoni / Bacon / Avocado / Seaweed Salad

Al Capone
Pepperoni / yellow mustard / relish / onion / tomato / pickles / pepperoncini / celery salt

"Baby Faced" Nelson
Cream Cheese / grape jelly / bacon / fresh jalapenos / relish

The "Tommy Gun"
Spicy chili / chipotle aioli / jalapeno / sour cream / cheddar cheese

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 23/08/2026

The Sickos guy from The Onion, wearing a powdered wig and frilly shirt, the latter of which is labeled "Pervers." He is saying his usual "Yes, ha ha ha, YES" line, but in French, "Oui, hon hon hon, OUI"

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 10/08/2026

From the Star Wars, General Grievous with a speech bubble positioned such that it appears he's speaking the quoted skeet, which reads "The user was blocked for this post: Hello there"

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 08/08/2026

A tweet from agraybee which reads: Every lifelong Catholic I've ever met is like "I think we're supposed to give this food to poor people" and every adult convert is like "the Archon of Constantinople's epistle on the Pentacostine rites of the eucharist clearly states women shouldn't have driver's licenses."

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 08/08/2026

Meet and greet at the local brewery, which does not have an outdoor seating area, does not serve 20-oz beers or nachos, and looks out upon a Lincoln Tech parking lot.

An AI-generated image of people smiling dead-eyed in assorted directions, holding very full beers, at what appears to be a large window that looks out on a street scene. None of these things are true about the brewery in question.

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 05/08/2026

From The Good Place, Ted Danson and D'Arcy Carden as Michael and Janet, respectively. Michael exclaims "Jason figured it out? Jason?" incredulously.

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 05/08/2026

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 03/08/2026

readin over the trade details like

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 02/08/2026

From the Hogfather "that's a sword, swords aren't safe for children" comic. A close up of Death, dressed as Santa Claus, takes up the left half of the frame. The text reads "That will be an important lesson"

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 28/07/2026

My kid is 15 and I think of this meme pretty much every single day

A picture of a man wearing a helmet. A long and knotted white beard flows out from underneath. He wears a red shawl. The edges of a shield poke in from the bottom right. The text reads, in decending order, "Pick your battles. Pick fewer battles than that. Put some battles back. That's still too many battles."

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 23/07/2026

Ludicrous speed, go!

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robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 19/07/2026

A three-panel meme.
Top: Over-the shoulder shot of Gandalf stands at Bilbo's door. The text is Bilbo saying "No thank you. We don't want any more visitors, well-wishers, or distant relations"
Middle: A shot of Macho Man Randy Savage in Gandalf's hat, holding up a little cup of coffee creamer. The text reads "And what about the cream of the crop?"
Bottom: Back to the over-the-shoulder shot. Bilbo has thrown the door open and stands in the doorway with a big smile. The text reads "Macho-mandalf!"

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 14/07/2026

000

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 13/07/2026

Lineup card for opening night:

The Hollywood Squares set:
Wally Cox - Rose Marie - Tony Randall
Florence Henderson - Paul Lynde - Ross Martin
Davide Steinberg - Charo - Glenn Ford

Florence Henderson usually plays right wing but Jim J. Bullock is on IR.

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 11/07/2026

From Burn After Reading, Brad Pitt in a closet has a shit-eating grin and is about to get blasted by George Clooney, as one does

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 10/07/2026

"Huh, I wonder who Jerry O'Connell is married to, and like, that's it, that's the headline

A headline and subhead which reads:

Jerry O'Connell weighs in on that conversation with wife Rebecca Romijn's ex-husband John Stamos
The actors linked up at Howie Mandel's birthday party in November.

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 30/06/2026

000

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 26/06/2026

Twinsies!

My results from the thing, showing that I too am akin to Zohran Mamdani

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 20/06/2026

Rolling into the Costco an hour early like

From The Escapist, the Glorious PC Master Race. A man made out of circles and ovals with an incredible head of wind-blown hair.

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 19/06/2026

Me, whenever I see a Savanah Bananas clip

Wherein Chris from the Family Guy has spraypainted on a brick wall "That's enough, John Mayer."

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 18/06/2026

From the Good Place, Michael (Ted Danson) stands next to Janet (D'Arcy Carden) and exclaims "Jason figured it out? Jason?"

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 18/06/2026

At the Reflecting Pool, and guys, this doesn't look right

From Labyrinth, the Bog of Eternal Stench

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 18/06/2026

Palpatine's entire back story was already covered by the He-Man Christmas Special.

From the He-Man Christmas special, a downtrodden skeletor says "I don't like to feel good. I like to feel evil."

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 16/06/2026

I am reminded of perhaps the greatest Tweet of all time:

a tweet from The Chicago Bears, which reads "That's more like it. Happy St. Patrick's day, Chicago!" over a picture of the Chicago river dyed orange.

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 16/06/2026

This AI slop is on his campaign webpage

A screengrab of an AI slop image of Bob Cockey standing at a lectern in front of a crowd of Body Snatchers, several of whom are doing the prayerful hands outstretched thing. There are two flags in the background, neither of them quite right. Bob is looking off to stage left and waving at nothing in particular. None of this is real. This guy wants to run the county.

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robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 16/06/2026

It boggles my mind that this person is running for office as a Democrat in the year of Our Lord two thousand and twenty six.

"This county was built by farmers, shopkeepers, hairdressers, everybody," Cockey said. "Politicians didn't build this country or this county. We need to get back to the center, not too far left, not too far right -- back to common sense, the center."

100

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 15/06/2026

Like Ethan Hawke, Timothee Chalamet, and young Matt Damon climbed into that teleporter from The Fly

A screengrab showing a Uruguayan player, possibly Maxi Araujo but I didn't catch his name or number, because I am bad at screengrabs.

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robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 15/06/2026

A tweet from Troy Johnson which reads:

You: "I'm only 35, I have my whole life ahead of me."

Sports Broadcaster: "Here comes the oldest player in the league. He's 32. A miracle."

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 14/06/2026

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 13/06/2026

This was my jam

Beneath a cloudy blue sky, an excavator sits unoccupied on a field of dirt. Much to my dismay, it is not in the act of excavating. It lies waiting.

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 02/06/2026

My best is 72-10 and I only needed a ragtag crew of journeymen like Lebron James and Wilt Chamberlain

A team I put together that went 72 and 10 (an A-plus rating):
Point Guard: Lebron James
Small Forward: George Gervin
Shooting Guard: Bojan Bogdanovic
Power Forward: All Harrington
Center: Wilt Chamberlain

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 22/05/2026

Checkin in on Habs/Canes

The Onion "Sickos" guy in French, wearing a powdered wig and poofy shirt. His label reads "Pervers" and he is saying "Oui.. hon hon hon... oui!"

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 19/05/2026

A tweet from Jon Bois, which reads "why watch overtime playoff hockey when you can simply snort cocaine and ride a motorcycle out of a helicopter"

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 16/05/2026

A portrait of Willam the Conqueror. The text reads "Look at me. Look at me. I am the English now."

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 15/05/2026

From The Lord of the Rings, the "Gondor Calls for Aid" scene, except Aragorn and Theoden have broccoli hair and sport crucifix earrings
Aragorn: Chat, the beacon notification just hit. Gondor's asking for a carry.
Theoden: Say less.

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robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 23/04/2026

[Mickey Mouse voice]: Fixed fortifications are monuments to the stupidity of man.

The threshold to my crawlspace, with an assortment of catch-and-release and snap traps, aligned such that - one would think - our uninvited guests would likely cross at least one of 'em. There are a couple bins and bags of things too it's a crawlspace c'mon man Marie Kondo don't live here

robertus @robertus.bsky.social · 21/04/2026

It has been a long and injury-riddled road, but I put in a mile this morning for the first time in years so I got that going for me.

A panel from Achewood. On the left, a shirtless Ray towels himself off. Roast Beef reads a magazine in a chair.
Ray: Man, but does it suck to run a mile! Back me up, Beef!
Beef: It cold sucks to run a mile

A screenshot from my Garmin app, showing that I ran a smidge over 1.25 miles, at an average pace of 11:34 per mile, in a total time of 14 minutes and 33 seconds. I burned 187 total calories.