Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 10/10/2026Some people *do* have cute ears, but man, just barely 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 10/10/2026But I think they still say "album" so I feel like we can still meaningfully communicate the concept 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 10/10/2026Whether you say "record" or "LP", you're over fifty 100
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 08/10/2026I love Halloween like Pac-Man loves to eat dots. For real, he's gotta be so sick and tired of dots 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 08/10/2026Hey, Pac-Man. Just a friendly word of advice. In my experience, if you just throw a couple fun-size Snickers in their bags, the ghosts will go away and leave you alone for like a whole year 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 07/10/2026Working out new material for my next standup comedy special. Think I've got my opener: Halloween again. All these bedsheet ghosts walkin around my neighborhood like I'm Pac-Man™️ or something. Pac-Man™️, Inky™️, Blinky™️, Pinky™️ and Clyde™️ are registered trademarks of Bandai Namco Entertainment, Inc. 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 30/09/2026The etymology of the word "Halloween" is fascinating. It's an old English contraction of the common phrase "Hello, weenie", which is how bullies would traditionally greet someone whose mom bought them a Pac-Man costume two years after it was popular, and beat them without mercy. For example. 001
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 29/09/2026In heaven all the desserts are made with chocolate. In hell all the desserts are heavily dusted on top with cinnamon sugar, and you're not allowed to ask for less 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 27/09/2026👱♀️What brings you here for hypnosis? 🧔♂️I want to spend a day experiencing what it would be like if I didn't know how ruggedly handsome and irresistible I am 👱♀️I can't do that 🧔♂️Because it's too far-fetched even for a hypnotic suggestion? 👱♀️No, it's because you're a Boltzmann Brain 🧠 OK, but still 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 27/09/2026👱♀️Do you ever think about the Butterfly Effect? 🧔♂️Yeah, I often think about how different my life might have been if instead of Kevin my parents would have named me Fatty Fatty Four Eyes 👱♀️That's ridiculous 🧔♂️I know, that's why it's my younger brother's name instead 👱♀️ 🧔♂️He has perfect vision though 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Mr. Monopoly is unfairly depicted as the selfish, soulless face of corporate greed, when there are so many better examples, like a certain senior assistant produce manager at the Gilberts Supermarket in Davisville who somehow never seems to have to work holidays like all the other assistant managers 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 22/09/2026Not to get all freakonomics or anything but as far as I can remember things only really started to suck this bad after Prince died, and I cannot dismiss that as mere happenstance 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 17/09/2026I think it was smart of the people who made the film Yesterday to make it about the Beatles because if they would have made it about a world without Matchbox 20 it might have lost a little bit of its emotional heft. But I'm pretty sure Ed Sheeran still would have made a weird plot-derailing cameo. 020
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 17/09/2026(3/3) 👱♀️ Probably just the Original salted, right?: 3,990,266 🧓 No, I'm pretty sure it was the Pizza flavored ones: 814,723 👱♀️ I don't think that's right: 27 x 10⁹⁸ 🧓 Don't you sass me: Literal infinity 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 17/09/2026(2/3) 👱♀️ Hi Grampa: 543,449,034,143 🧓 Please, call me Grandfather: 682,627 👱♀️ Want some Pringles?: 208 🧓 Back when I was your age in the early 1980s we only had one flavor of Pringles: 202 100
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 17/09/2026(1/3) Number of times each of the lines in the preceding semi-comedic "sketch", if you will, written by Robert Frycklund and expertly performed by 👱♀️ and 🧓, have previously been spoken in the entirety of human history: 100
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 17/09/2026👱♀️ Hi Grampa 🧓 Please, call me Grandfather 👱♀️ Want some Pringles? 🧓 Back when I was your age in the early 1980s we only had one flavor of Pringles 👱♀️ Probably just the Original salted, right? 🧓 No, I'm pretty sure it was the Pizza flavored ones 👱♀️ I don't think that's right 🧓 Don't you sass me 100
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 16/09/2026FLURBSDAY There should be a name for that extra day that keeps popping up between Thursday and Friday, and I hereby decree its name is Flurbsday. Ex amplum, "There should be a name for that extra day that keeps popping up between Thursday and Friday, and I hereby decree its name is Flurbsday." 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 16/09/2026I shouldn't be punished every time I accidentally forget to say Whopper *with cheese*. For heaven's sake Burger King. This is America. Cheese should be the default. McDonald's would be long out of business by now if they made you ask them to add a third bun to the middle of a Big Mac every time 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 16/09/2026It might cost a little more but if you're building a house you should use particle board because it's going to be stronger than boards that are only held together by atoms 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 14/09/2026Machines will become superintelligent, then fully sentient, self-improving, self-replicating and all-powerful, and before we know it we're fighting a robot war 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 09/09/2026I know money's tight right now, but I can still show you how to be a Looksmaxxer like me... on a budget! Lesson 1: Use a value-brand shampoo that fools people into thinking you're not as bald as you are¹ ¹Avoid overhead lighting at all times 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 07/09/2026I like the Italian people and their culture as much as the next guy, but at this point even the ghost of Amerigo Vespucci's mom is probably getting weirded out by the president obsessively renaming all these places after her son 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 03/09/2026RAP BATTLE 🧔♂️ Yo what's up, uh huh one, one two 👱♀️ You better step off right now chump you don't want this smoke 🧔♂️ Wake up from your nappin It's really gonna happen I'm gonna start rappin Lips gonna be chappin You gonna start clappin Here we go 👱♀️ You're shorter than me 🧔♂️ 👑 👱♀️ FLAWLESS VICTORY 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 02/09/2026I've been an adult for three and a half decades and I guess I like it OK but I thought I would be waaay more into jazz by now 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 01/09/2026It's weird that after all these years I still can't quite find the right words to describe the taste of the roof of my mouth 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 29/08/2026It's that time of year again when everybody starts complaining about how not everything needs to be pumpkin spice flavored 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 29/08/2026Thom Yorke, Jeff Tweedy and Rivers Cuomo walk into a bar. The bartender brings them one beer and asks, "How's your mom?" 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 29/08/2026I bet Fergie's drivers license says Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 29/08/2026Sometimes when I go to a restaurant without a reservation and there's a long wait for a table I tell the hostess I'm the bass player from Imagine Dragons and they believe me but it never really seems to help 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 28/08/2026I'm beginning to wonder if hoarding a warehouse full of Tickle Me Elmos in 1997 might not have been the smart long-term investment strategy I thought it would be 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 28/08/2026The level of my disdain for drivers and pedestrians is wholly dependent on whether I am a driver or a pedestrian 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 28/08/2026I know Flo Rida is a pun but I don't know if it's a play on "Florida" or "(F)low Rider" or maybe both? 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 28/08/2026Sometimes I feel like society is collapsing around me as a creeping collective psychosis possesses more of us and all I can do is bravely accept that this grim, soul-crushing reality is the new normal, and soldier on, knowing it's coming for me too. And sometimes I feel like strawberry ice cream 🍦 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 26/08/2026I was just pretending to be bad at sports to make you feel better about yourself 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 26/08/2026I have the confidence to carry a fountain pen, but not the patience. Plus, I usually wear white shirts 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 26/08/2026*parentheses I knew it didn't look right. I looked it up 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 26/08/2026I think it might need some quotation marks (or another set of parenthesese) 100
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 26/08/2026I Wrote A Song Called I Wrote A Song (Called I Wrote A Song) 100
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 23/08/2026Whenever she finds a Dorito with more than the usual amount of Cool Ranch seasoning my wife offers it to me. And I eat it because she and I both know I will enjoy it one thousand percent more than she would. Simpatico. That's real love baby. #RelationshipGoals 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 23/08/2026Every year after 1983 sounds fake to me 2026 is beyond ridiculous like Star Wars stuff I'm not buying any of this anymore 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 21/08/2026You think all of these furious violent ghosts just chill out and take summers off? Here's a clue pal, they don't 110
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 21/08/2026Thieves should go back to leaving cryptic riddles and taunting clues at their crime scenes. What happened to pizzazz and panache? Are felony crimes all just about the money now? 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 21/08/2026I know it sounds a little less exciting when I use proper grammar but this summer I visited a haunted house and I was so scared I figuratively died. 100
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 15/08/2026👱♀️It was really nice meeting you. Enjoy the last day of the Northeast U.S. Fiberglass Swimming Pool Repair Professionals Convention and Trade Show tomorrow. 🧔♂️Maybe I'll see you at breakfast 👱♀️Oh, probably not. I won't remember your name, your face or anything else about you by then 🧔♂️I respect that 000
