Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 10/10/2026Some people *do* have cute ears, but man, just barely 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 10/10/2026Whether you say "record" or "LP", you're over fifty 100
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 08/10/2026I love Halloween like Pac-Man loves to eat dots. For real, he's gotta be so sick and tired of dots 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 08/10/2026Hey, Pac-Man. Just a friendly word of advice. In my experience, if you just throw a couple fun-size Snickers in their bags, the ghosts will go away and leave you alone for like a whole year 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 07/10/2026Working out new material for my next standup comedy special. Think I've got my opener: Halloween again. All these bedsheet ghosts walkin around my neighborhood like I'm Pac-Man™️ or something. Pac-Man™️, Inky™️, Blinky™️, Pinky™️ and Clyde™️ are registered trademarks of Bandai Namco Entertainment, Inc. 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 30/09/2026The etymology of the word "Halloween" is fascinating. It's an old English contraction of the common phrase "Hello, weenie", which is how bullies would traditionally greet someone whose mom bought them a Pac-Man costume two years after it was popular, and beat them without mercy. For example. 001
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 29/09/2026In heaven all the desserts are made with chocolate. In hell all the desserts are heavily dusted on top with cinnamon sugar, and you're not allowed to ask for less 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 27/09/2026👱♀️What brings you here for hypnosis? 🧔♂️I want to spend a day experiencing what it would be like if I didn't know how ruggedly handsome and irresistible I am 👱♀️I can't do that 🧔♂️Because it's too far-fetched even for a hypnotic suggestion? 👱♀️No, it's because you're a Boltzmann Brain 🧠 OK, but still 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 27/09/2026👱♀️Do you ever think about the Butterfly Effect? 🧔♂️Yeah, I often think about how different my life might have been if instead of Kevin my parents would have named me Fatty Fatty Four Eyes 👱♀️That's ridiculous 🧔♂️I know, that's why it's my younger brother's name instead 👱♀️ 🧔♂️He has perfect vision though 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Mr. Monopoly is unfairly depicted as the selfish, soulless face of corporate greed, when there are so many better examples, like a certain senior assistant produce manager at the Gilberts Supermarket in Davisville who somehow never seems to have to work holidays like all the other assistant managers 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 22/09/2026Not to get all freakonomics or anything but as far as I can remember things only really started to suck this bad after Prince died, and I cannot dismiss that as mere happenstance 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 17/09/2026I think it was smart of the people who made the film Yesterday to make it about the Beatles because if they would have made it about a world without Matchbox 20 it might have lost a little bit of its emotional heft. But I'm pretty sure Ed Sheeran still would have made a weird plot-derailing cameo. 020
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 17/09/2026👱♀️ Hi Grampa 🧓 Please, call me Grandfather 👱♀️ Want some Pringles? 🧓 Back when I was your age in the early 1980s we only had one flavor of Pringles 👱♀️ Probably just the Original salted, right? 🧓 No, I'm pretty sure it was the Pizza flavored ones 👱♀️ I don't think that's right 🧓 Don't you sass me 100
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 16/09/2026FLURBSDAY There should be a name for that extra day that keeps popping up between Thursday and Friday, and I hereby decree its name is Flurbsday. Ex amplum, "There should be a name for that extra day that keeps popping up between Thursday and Friday, and I hereby decree its name is Flurbsday." 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 16/09/2026I shouldn't be punished every time I accidentally forget to say Whopper *with cheese*. For heaven's sake Burger King. This is America. Cheese should be the default. McDonald's would be long out of business by now if they made you ask them to add a third bun to the middle of a Big Mac every time 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 16/09/2026It might cost a little more but if you're building a house you should use particle board because it's going to be stronger than boards that are only held together by atoms 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 14/09/2026Machines will become superintelligent, then fully sentient, self-improving, self-replicating and all-powerful, and before we know it we're fighting a robot war 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 09/09/2026I know money's tight right now, but I can still show you how to be a Looksmaxxer like me... on a budget! Lesson 1: Use a value-brand shampoo that fools people into thinking you're not as bald as you are¹ ¹Avoid overhead lighting at all times 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 07/09/2026I like the Italian people and their culture as much as the next guy, but at this point even the ghost of Amerigo Vespucci's mom is probably getting weirded out by the president obsessively renaming all these places after her son 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 03/09/2026RAP BATTLE 🧔♂️ Yo what's up, uh huh one, one two 👱♀️ You better step off right now chump you don't want this smoke 🧔♂️ Wake up from your nappin It's really gonna happen I'm gonna start rappin Lips gonna be chappin You gonna start clappin Here we go 👱♀️ You're shorter than me 🧔♂️ 👑 👱♀️ FLAWLESS VICTORY 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 02/09/2026I've been an adult for three and a half decades and I guess I like it OK but I thought I would be waaay more into jazz by now 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 01/09/2026It's weird that after all these years I still can't quite find the right words to describe the taste of the roof of my mouth 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 29/08/2026It's that time of year again when everybody starts complaining about how not everything needs to be pumpkin spice flavored 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 29/08/2026Thom Yorke, Jeff Tweedy and Rivers Cuomo walk into a bar. The bartender brings them one beer and asks, "How's your mom?" 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 29/08/2026I bet Fergie's drivers license says Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 29/08/2026Sometimes when I go to a restaurant without a reservation and there's a long wait for a table I tell the hostess I'm the bass player from Imagine Dragons and they believe me but it never really seems to help 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 28/08/2026I'm beginning to wonder if hoarding a warehouse full of Tickle Me Elmos in 1997 might not have been the smart long-term investment strategy I thought it would be 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 28/08/2026The level of my disdain for drivers and pedestrians is wholly dependent on whether I am a driver or a pedestrian 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 28/08/2026I know Flo Rida is a pun but I don't know if it's a play on "Florida" or "(F)low Rider" or maybe both? 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 28/08/2026Sometimes I feel like society is collapsing around me as a creeping collective psychosis possesses more of us and all I can do is bravely accept that this grim, soul-crushing reality is the new normal, and soldier on, knowing it's coming for me too. And sometimes I feel like strawberry ice cream 🍦 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 26/08/2026I was just pretending to be bad at sports to make you feel better about yourself 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 26/08/2026I have the confidence to carry a fountain pen, but not the patience. Plus, I usually wear white shirts 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 26/08/2026I Wrote A Song Called I Wrote A Song (Called I Wrote A Song) 100
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 23/08/2026Whenever she finds a Dorito with more than the usual amount of Cool Ranch seasoning my wife offers it to me. And I eat it because she and I both know I will enjoy it one thousand percent more than she would. Simpatico. That's real love baby. #RelationshipGoals 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 23/08/2026Every year after 1983 sounds fake to me 2026 is beyond ridiculous like Star Wars stuff I'm not buying any of this anymore 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 21/08/2026Thieves should go back to leaving cryptic riddles and taunting clues at their crime scenes. What happened to pizzazz and panache? Are felony crimes all just about the money now? 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 21/08/2026I know it sounds a little less exciting when I use proper grammar but this summer I visited a haunted house and I was so scared I figuratively died. 100
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 15/08/2026👱♀️It was really nice meeting you. Enjoy the last day of the Northeast U.S. Fiberglass Swimming Pool Repair Professionals Convention and Trade Show tomorrow. 🧔♂️Maybe I'll see you at breakfast 👱♀️Oh, probably not. I won't remember your name, your face or anything else about you by then 🧔♂️I respect that 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 15/08/2026👱♀️Wanna do Sober October with me this year? 🧔♂️What's that? 👱♀️You don't drink that month 🧔♂️Wouldn't you get really thirsty? 👱♀️Alcohol. You knew what I meant. No drinking alcohol 🧔♂️Yeah, but you didn't say alcohol, so it was funny 👱♀️ 🧔♂️You would actually die of dehydration after three days 000
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 13/08/2026Some of my favorite 1980s drummers and what I would guess they did if I didn't already know they were drummers: Phil Collins: Algebra teacher Bun E. Carlos: Math teacher (5th grade) Stewart Copeland: Famous choreographer Max Weinberg: George H.W. Bush's Attorney General David Robinson: Drummer 010
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 08/08/2026Some people you meet will make your life instantly better, and other people will ask you to adopt a cat 010
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 08/08/2026All these pharmacists up there acting like they tower above the rest of us but that platform behind the counter is only like four inches off the ground Some people are that tall anyway 010
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 08/08/2026I agree, it could be a lot of fun to have a pet duck in the house. But the quacking 010
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 06/08/2026A heartfelt congratulations to my beautiful, amazing wife as we now celebrate the milestone one-thousandth consecutive night in a row she has dropped our TV remote on the floor. The one with tape over the battery compartment, and you have to press the "up" arrow extra hard to get it to work. 110
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 05/08/2026There's probably an interesting story about how and why Papa Roach chose that name, but not interesting enough for me to look it up on Wikipedia 110
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 05/08/2026Looking back on it now, 40 years later, I think the only real difference between "real" Heavy Metal and "Hair Metal" is that the guys in Poison smiled and laughed more than the guys in Megadeth. And sold six million more records. There might be a lesson for you in there, grumpy 110
Robert Frycklund @robertfrycklund.bsky.social · 30/07/2026I recently learned that only kids who grew up in Warren, Pennsylvania in the 1980s had a Rax instead of an Arby's. Yeah, Arby's is better, but y'all missed out on Rax's depressed, middle-aged salesman cartoon mascot, Mr. Delicious. He told the truth. He prepared me for how much sucks to be an adult 110
