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Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 03/10/2026

TAROT: Trigram (overall scenario): Thunder >> Water Things Which are True: -The Guru^Thuriz Things Which are False: -An Eagle Chained To a Calf Things Which Don't Matter: -The Rat Trout Things to Seek: -The Flying Man^Algiz Things to Avoid: This Card Is Definitely About Sex

Five black-and-white oracle cards, two bone & copper runestones, a pair of silver coins, a wooden trigram, an incense burner, and a brass frog, all laid out in an arc on a Jägermeister-patterned satin cloth.

000

Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 26/09/2026

TAROT: Trigram (overall scenario): -Wind >> Mountain Things Which are True: -The Bird-book-snake Thing^Fehu Things Which are False: -Thief Things Which Don't Matter: -Death Death Things to Seek: -Giving Birth to a Skull Things to Avoid: -This Fucking Guy^Isaz

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Five black-and-white oracle cards, two bone & copper runestones, a pair of silver coins, a wooden trigram, an incense burner, and a brass frog, all laid out in an arc on a Jägermeister-patterned satin cloth.

000

Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 25/09/2026

When you're mean to me this is who you're being mean to #NMS

A gold robotic dude in a kind of poncho/keffiyah/hoodie combo, with a device that looks like a Walkman around his "neck," sporting two-clawed insectoid feet from the knees down.

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Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 22/09/2026

Be the Merry & Pippin you wish to see in the world

Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took, having just set off one of Gandalf's fantastical fireworks. Covered in soot, hair askew, mischief in their eyes, and grinning wide, they say "let's get another one."

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Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 21/09/2026

M. Bailey's spokesman has come forward to provide some clarity in this trying time

The scene: Burning Man. The persona: some white guy with dreadlocks & an elaborate beard, proudly displaying a briefcase of full of spaghetti bolognese.

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Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 19/09/2026

TAROT: Trigram (overall Scenario): -Wind Things Which are True: -Future Not Found Things Which are False: -The Greased Priest^Wunjo Things Which Don't Matter: -It's Probably Nothing Things to Seek: -Nobody^Anwaz Things to Avoid: -The King Shit

Five black-and-white "Arcane Bullshit" oracle cards, two bone & copper runestones, a pair of silver coins, a wooden trigram, an incense burner, and a brass frog, all laid out in an arc on a Jägermeister-patterned satin cloth.

-Wind
Be adaptive, and use a light touch in all endeavors

-Future Not Found
The truth is obscured at this time

-The Greased Priest^Wunjo
Avoid letting the joy of spiritual happines slip through your fingers

-It's Probably Nothing
You can't become a target if you blend in well enough

-Nobody^Anwaz
Just because you aren't a target doesn't mean you should draw attention to yourself

-The King Shit
This is not the time to embrace your worst instincts

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Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 06/09/2026

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY SEE DETHBLOW AND BLUDGEON FACE OFF FOR THE TITLE OF TEAM CHAMPION SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY #Spinjas

Dethblow, a Spinja fighter wearing a crown, a medallion, and carrying a magical book. He's about 13mm tall.

Bludgeon, a Spinja fighter who looks like an anime tiger ninja (or ninja tiger). He is about 13mm tall.

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Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 05/09/2026

Oh wow; @theonion.com is running Marine recruiting ads these days?

The back-page ad on this month's edition of The Onion shows a large box of Crayola crayons with the text "hundreds of colors, one unbeatable taste"

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Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 05/09/2026

Ryon vs Bludgeon, rounding out the finals later today; don't miss out on the action! #Spinjas

Ryon, a Spinja who looks like an anime robot liger in bright orange and brown. He is about 13mm tall.

Bludgeon, a Spinja who looks like an anime tiger ninja. He is about 13mm tall.

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Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 05/09/2026

The next video will be match 1 of the finals; the winner will move on to the team championship. Who will it be? #Spinjas

Dethblow, a grey Spinja fighter wearing a crown & medallion, and carrying a magic book. He's about 13mm tall.

Sloth, A bright green Spinja fighter with fly eyes and a proboscis. He's about 13mm tall.

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Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 05/09/2026

Trigram: Earth TAROT: Things Which are True: - Infinite Cosmic Mess Things Which are False: - The Sword Hoarder Things Which Don't Matter: - The Shitty Acoustic Guitar Guy Things to Seek: - Weird-ass Mystical Shit Things to Avoid: - The Filthy Mattress

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Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 04/09/2026

The next upcoming semifinal will be Sloth vs Rokku; don't miss the action!! #Spinjas

Sloth, a plastic Spinja fighter, bright green, with flies' eyes and a proboscis or beak of some kind. He's about 13mm tall.

Rokku, a bright orange Spinja fighter, with a brown helmet. He's about 13mm tall.

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Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 03/09/2026

Coming soon, round 1 of our semifinals: Dethblow vs Butcher! #Spinjas

A plastic spinja wearing a crown and a big medallion, carrying a magical book

A spinja who looks like a robotic tokusatsu chicken kaiju

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Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 30/08/2026

"Morning Fog" 22oz Guinness Extra Stout 8cl Chambord raspberry liqueur 4cl Black Blood of the Earth hypercoffee -pour Chambord & BBotE into a 1L maß -pour the Guinness in, being careful not to foam it up too much -enjoy

A 1 liter Maß from Oktoberfest, a bottle of Black Blood of the Earth hypercoffee, a bottle of Guinness Extra Stout, and a bottle of Chambord

A black drink with a substantial carmel-colored head, side shot

A black drink with a substantial carmel-colored head, top shot

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Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 30/08/2026

I'm gonna complete that circle pretty soon

30 launchers and 4 supercharger for Spinjas fighting top toys, along with a 25mm mouse trackball. The launchers are hand-numbered with Japanese numbers, while the superchargers use Roman numerals.

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Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 29/08/2026

DISCORDIAN SERVICES ARCHIVE TAROT: Things Which are True: - Look at this Fucking Hourglass Things Which are False: - Meaningless Garbage Things Which Don't Matter: - The Pantsless Beekeeper Things to Seek: - The Bird-Book-Snake Thing Things to Avoid: - Something

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Five black-and-white "Arcane Bullshit" oracle cards, two bone & copper runestones, a pair of silver coins, an incense burner, and a brass frog, all laid out in an arc on a Jägermeister satin cloth.

000

Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 24/08/2026

He's even demolishing the local youth center to put up a snooty ballroom!

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Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 22/08/2026

DISCORDIAN SERVICES ARCHIVE TAROT: Things Which are True: - Galaxy Dad Things Which are False: - Madame Rufflebonnet Things Which Don't Matter: - The Pantsless Beekeeper Things to Seek: - Something Things to Avoid: - The Parasitic Fruit

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Five black-and-white "Arcane Bullshit" oracle cards, two bone & copper runestones, one wooden trigram, a pair of silver coins, an incense burner, and a brass frog, all laid out in an arc on a Jägermeister satin cloth.

000

Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 15/08/2026

TAROT: Things Which are True: - Meaningless Garbage Things Which are False: - The All-seeing Slice Things Which Don't Matter: - Chaos Mom Things to Seek: - The Toilet Angel Things to Avoid: - Instinct Oracle cards courtesy of @arcanebullshit.bsky.social

Five black-and-white Arcane Bullshit oracle cards, two bone & copper runestones, one wooden trigram, an incense burner, and a brass frog, all laid out in an arc on a Jägermeister satin scarf.

Lake transitions to Heaven:
- Joy and celebration lead to strength and creativity

Meaningless Garbage:
- Let go of the things which had meaning but are weighing you down

The All-seeing Slice•Mannaz:
- Avoid relenquishing privacy in the name of supporting others

Chaos Mom:
- Feminine strength is laudable, but will not help at this time

The Toilet Angel•Uruz:
- Seek to improve the strength of your position by embracing your filthiness

Instinct:
- Make sure to think things through even more than usual. Consider all angles.

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Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 08/08/2026

DISCORDIAN SERVICES ARCHIVE 4/4 TAROT: Things Which are True: - It's Probably Nothing Things Which are False: - The Gross Cup Things Which Don't Matter: - Infinite Cosmic Mess Things to Seek: - The Greased Priest Things to Avoid: - Something Oracle cards courtesy of @arcanebullshit.bsky.social

Five black-and-white Arcane Bullshit oracle cards laid out in an arc on a Jägermeister satin scarf.

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Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 07/08/2026

I'll see your "this side up", and raise "front toward enemy".

A claymore mine, bearing the infamous inscription "front toward enemy"

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Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 02/08/2026

Do you understand why it's wrong when it's stealing YOUR work?

Write me the back-cover summary for a theoretical next book in Barbara Longely's most recent series

Analyzed series patterns and synthesized original paranormal romance summary
Analyzed series patterns and synthesized original paranormal romance summary

Barbara Longley's most recent series is her MacCarthy Sisters series — a paranormal/time-travel romance line rooted in Irish mythology and faerie lore, with the most recent installment, The Wayfarer's Gift, out in 2023. Here's a back-cover summary for a theoretical next book, written in that same style:

THE KEEPER'S PROMISE
A MacCarthy Sisters Novel

Some doors were never meant to be opened twice.

Aisling MacCarthy has spent her whole life keeping her family's secrets — the faerie blood in her veins, the sisters who slip between worlds, the ancient debts owed to the Otherworld. She's the steady one, the sister who stays behind to mind the family's antique shop while the others chase their fates through time. She's made her peace with an ordinary life.

Until a stranger walks through her shop door carrying a bronze torc that shouldn't exist outside of legend — and a warning that the boundary between worlds is failing.

Rowan Kane isn't what he seems. Centuries bound to guard a threshold he never asked to protect, he's watched that duty cost him everything he once loved. Now the threshold is cracking, and the only blood that can seal it again runs through Aisling's veins — whether she wants the burden or not.

As the pull between them grows too strong to deny, Aisling must decide how much of herself she's willing to give to a duty she never chose, and Rowan must reckon with loving someone he may be fated to lose. With the Otherworld pressing closer with every passing night, they have only until the next full moon to close the door for good — or lose each other to it forever.

The MacCarthy sisters have always known magic asks a price. This time, it might ask for everything.

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Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 01/08/2026

(if you don't know the poster I'm referencing)

"When you ride ALONE you ride with Hitler! Join a Car-Sharing Club TODAY!"

A ww2 US propaganda poster depicting some Bogart-lookin' guy in a fedora riding in an empty convertible, save for the ghostly figure of Hitler in the passenger seat.

190

Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 29/07/2026

Vance's internal monologue "What do humans look like when their sad? They squinch their face up, right? Ok, Jance Dance, you got this. SAD sad sad sad sad. SAD sad sad sad sad."

Jance Dance Vance, the Vice President of the country, looking like a dog who just saw a particularly convincing magic trick

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Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 29/07/2026

I'll do it too; I'm always carrying at least one of these

The PDEE (Principia Discordia: Evangelical Edition

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Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 28/07/2026

Do yourself a favor and get a subscription to @theonion.com's physical edition

The Onion's "Special America's 250th Edition"
Front page is an American flag, overlaid with the headline "ONE NATION OVER GOD"

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Reverend Jesus "H" Christ @reverendjesus.com · 26/07/2026

ACAB... includes... includes... 😭

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