uint16 @remix.net · 13/10/2026My wife fermented a sheep’s fleece in a big bucket to clean it and as a byproduct we have 4.5 gallons of the worst smell ever produced. It’s good for plants. Also, I would gargle Cuthulu’s nutsack to get this smell out of my nose. 000
uint16 @remix.net · 06/10/2026Nobody: I wish my stool was a random surprise form factor and viscosity every time. glp-1: Hold my beer 030
uint16 @remix.net · 05/10/2026“Even though I am a half-eaten sandwich, I fight for the smiles of the citizens of this kingdom” 000
uint16 @remix.net · 30/09/2026#Doordash needs a complaint option of “food smells like fuck ass cologne/perfume” 001
uint16 @remix.net · 23/09/2026Cat scientist: “Just being pet can have amazing benefits for a cat’s blood pressure” 010
uint16 @remix.net · 15/09/2026Every night at 10:20 my phone chimes to let me know it’s time to go to bed, guess what happens when I’m already asleep. 010
uint16 @remix.net · 12/09/2026Blind cat instagram stories are hard to jerk off too but notice I didn’t say “impossible”. 101
uint16 @remix.net · 07/09/2026This just in the dog from #HeartOfTheBeast is changing its last name to distance itself from Brad Pitt 000
uint16 @remix.net · 06/09/2026As a DJ and someone who fully understands how telephone-sanitizer-y my “job” is mixing from someone scratching “that’s my man throwing down” into someone else scratching “my man” is basically as close to the thrill of performing successful brain surgery if you scale things according to intelligence 010
uint16 @remix.net · 17/08/2026My feed thinks I’ll die alone choking on food but also that I would have the balls to wear this Japanese cyberpunk clothing. Thanks for the vote of confidence. 010
uint16 @remix.net · 08/08/2026My birding innovation app: Record bird songs and they can be played back as if sung by a dumber bird to mock them. 020
uint16 @remix.net · 26/07/2026Nobody: Me after recently seeing the Tim and Eric Spegget sketch: Spegett!! 000
uint16 @remix.net · 14/07/2026The profound sadness I feel when I discover someone who’s music is great but they haven’t been active in 5+ years. soundcloud.com/malevmc/eman...soundcloud.comEmanate: Produced by Tokalah [Lyrics in description](Album out now!)Well hello there! It's been a very long time. But I'm back, to drop something new for my peoples that have been following the soundcloud list for ages.(and all the fresh peoples too!) 2020 has been 010
uint16 @remix.net · 13/07/2026How can I entice my cat to perform better butt maintenance? She leaves crusty poop in the wrinkles of her balloon knot and I can smell it when she sits near me. 010
uint16 @remix.net · 13/07/2026CNN hard hitting news about real situations we all have to deal with 010
uint16 @remix.net · 12/07/2026Wagginol: If tail wagging persists for more than four hours consult your veterinarian 000
uint16 @remix.net · 08/07/2026Out of everyone who’s had both of their hands in my mouth at once, my dentist is the most authorized. 000
uint16 @remix.net · 30/06/2026My desk looks like a serial killers dungeon killzone except instead of people its popcicle viscera. I’m like the bad guys in Venom 3 that are just meat shredding jet engine mouths. Again, “but with popcicles”. 000
uint16 @remix.net · 27/06/2026This fucking cat that I feed and get shots for, saunters by, no eye contact, no ankle nuzzles, does not regard me for shit. Every damn time I’m on the porch. She’s just passing through. If that cat could financially dominate me I’d be set. 000
uint16 @remix.net · 26/06/2026Just once in a movie when the cops ask if anyone has beef with them that could make them a target and Timothy Olaphant could say “Son, all my enemies are dead. ha ha” 010
uint16 @remix.net · 25/06/2026Loved trope: If you’re riding in a convertible with the top down, a gust of wind is going to blow your hat off 000
uint16 @remix.net · 25/06/2026New anime genre: “Fuck-Up Butler:” about a butler who is a fuck-up. 000
uint16 @remix.net · 18/06/2026GET THE UNDIES OFF THE FLOOR.. GET THE UNDIES OFF THE FLOOR.. - Me cleaning up to the tune of Drowning Pool’s “Bodies” 000
uint16 @remix.net · 18/06/2026Nachos should always be served chips separated from nacho ingredients. Use your chip to police how much food goes into your mouth. Nachos with chips embedded is folly. 000
uint16 @remix.net · 17/06/2026It was with the upmost hubris that I ordered 8 10’ USB-C cables not thinking it through. A pile of coiled USB-C cables has now pinned me to the floor after falling over. If you know me, please come to my house and help me free my legs and torso. 000
uint16 @remix.net · 13/06/2026“Hello.. 911. I’m about to murder a box of popcicles. With my mouth.” 010
uint16 @remix.net · 09/06/2026My new thing is prefacing the normal bullshit I say with a sincere “I think I speak for every one when I say..” 000
uint16 @remix.net · 07/06/2026burger king with a drive in between home and the club house. I always get a soft-serve cone but today I got an engineering masterpiece cone that could only be described as a structural amount of soft-serve piled up cone so high my eyes watered. I truly felt like the king of burgers today. 010
uint16 @remix.net · 04/06/2026Only watching trad wife shit and every time they say shit about having to serve their husbands I do a big dramatic Pee-Wee Herman “Mmmmmmmhmmmmmm?” as I try to make eye contact with the woman who’s really trying to avoid eye contact. 000
uint16 @remix.net · 20/05/2026Do you think having your main feature obsoleted part of “CD Head” (canonical cenobite) punishment? Is there an IpodHead cenobite out there who can’t find one of those old 30 pin cables and is in endless torment? 000
uint16 @remix.net · 13/05/2026The journalist who finds the dumbest -maxxing story doesn’t get a reward. So chill, daddy. 000
