iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 18/12/2025

Don’t focus on failed opportunities. Name three things you have right now. For example I have depression, anxiety and a crippling fear of missing out

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 09/12/2025

The weirdest thing about American Christmas is that they DON'T EAT THE GINGERBREAD HOUSES

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 23/11/2025

I think we all need to admit that when we tell friends “I’m ok” we really mean “I’m not going to kill myself”

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 11/11/2025

Every time I open the compost one large insect flies out immediately like “Thank you mistress I was born in that dark cave and I thought I would live and die my whole life inside these walls but now you’ve freed me.”

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 06/10/2025

My friend and I were up all night ranking the datability of ten men who don’t want to fuck us

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Reposted by Rebecca T. Kaplan

Sagging Meniscus @saggingmeniscus.bsky.social · 16/09/2025

Coming in December: Kurt Luchs' TRIBUTARIES, an anthology of favorite poems with accompanying essays and poems written in response. Preorder at @asterismbooks.bsky.social: asterismbooks.com/product/tributari…

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Reposted by Rebecca T. Kaplan

Sen. Pumpkin Gogurt @ugarles.bsky.social · 25/09/2025

This Saturday, in Brooklyn, I'm hosting *7 7* again! Comedy from @kathbarbadoro.bsky.social and @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social, reading from @leahreich.com local voting info from @thetimhunter.bsky.social music from @chrismcintyre.bsky.social and more! (more fun than the flyer suggests.) See alt text.

*7 7*
Saturday 9/27 at 7pm
7 minutes from 7 presenters plus me fucking around
Awesome 653 Flatbush Ave. (between Hawthorne and Winthrop
@awesomebrooklyn on ig; info at @77_bk40thcouncildistrict on ig

The background is RBG "When injustice becomes law resistance becomes duty" which is definitely not a thing she said. I do not argue with the people who run the show about RBG's flaws because that would get messy and she really was important in many ways that were ultimately undermined by hubris.

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 16/09/2025

I have a lot of judgmental energy right now. Does anyone have a child I can scold?

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 15/09/2025

You know what they say- sticks and stones will break my bones, but calling me a “talentless hack” really does nothing for me, try being a little more specific

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 11/09/2025

A man who used to explain random things on my posts immediately blocked me when I suggested he might be wrong about something. Sometimes the trash throws itself out

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 09/09/2025

Was this a bad time to invest all my money in pogs?

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 09/09/2025

Native New Yorkers don’t drive drunk, we vomit on the subway

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 07/09/2025

I don't know why people post hot pics to make their exes jealous. Post a gnarly pic of yourself and make them go "ick, I stuck my dick in that?" Truly the best revenge

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 06/09/2025

Will you still need me? Will you still feed me? America: NO.

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 05/09/2025

Boomers: they don’t teach kids these days penmanship Millennials: they don’t teach kids these days typing

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 04/09/2025

Dentist: Only floss between the teeth you want to keep Me: Cool but how do I get inside his mouth?

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 28/08/2025

Me: I just know I’m going to meet him online one day Friend: your husband? Me: my murderer ❤️

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 27/08/2025

I just flipped out because I put water in my coffee when I meant to add soy milk but then I realized it's basically the same thing

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 26/08/2025

Do sugar babies have to spend all their money on Sour Patch Kids or can they eat adult candy too?

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 25/08/2025

Once I made a Trump supporter buy me a fancy vegan dinner and skewered him for his political beliefs until he admitted he was wrong. I’ve never felt more empowered as a woman

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 24/08/2025

Here's a trick: if you start a podcast you can get almost anyone to talk to you. (PS I would like to do your podcast ❤️)

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 23/08/2025

If no one’s ever described your personality as “scary” you’re not going to make it in comedy

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 21/08/2025

I don't "get high," I "worry about the side effects of marijuana"

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 20/08/2025

You’re not supposed to kill spiders because they eat insects. You’re not supposed to kill cockroaches because they eat spiders. You’re not supposed to kill centipedes because they eat cockroaches. Where does it end?

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 11/08/2025

Knock knock Who’s there? It's me, comparison! Imma steal all your joy

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 04/08/2025

If you have crayons at your restaurant and you offer them to a child and not an autistic adult, that’s a hate crime *sigh* Always infantilized, but never in the ways you *want* to be

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 31/07/2025

New dating rule: you have to be good enough in bed to make me forget I'm about to lose my Duolingo streak

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 25/07/2025

“So how did she pass?” “It’s sad. She got a jar of Planters peanuts and compulsively ate them until she literally died.”

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 24/07/2025

dreamed of visiting this sick castle only to find out it “collapsed under its own weight” "over 200 years ago” 🫤

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 23/07/2025

Still haven’t thrown out his toothbrush. Not sure if I’m saving it to give to the next guy or for voodoo purposes

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 16/07/2025

In the Italian version of Mean Girls, they say “Do you like banana with your croissant” instead of “do you like your muffin buttered?” I’m obsessed. What other famous lines are changed for translations?

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 10/07/2025

fixing climate change is like having sex. i want it to happen, but i think someone else should do all the work

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 09/07/2025

Submitting to a comedy festival is like “would I rather have $30 or know what these 3 people think of me?”

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 09/07/2025

One of my exes said he wasn’t shallow bc he dated me and I don't wear makeup often and I was like DUDE you don’t shower

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 07/07/2025

mental health update: I've walked past a dead cockroach at least 5 times this week and been like "ugh, gross. I'll deal with that later"

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 02/07/2025

My ophthalmologist said my eyes are "scarily dry" from overusing screens. Can someone make me cry?

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 29/06/2025

he made me SCREAM in bed 😉 (he is a cockroach)

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 28/06/2025

why is there so much overlap between when i am awake and when cockroaches are awake?

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 26/06/2025

some men will hear a woman talking about sex and think he can say and do whatever he wants and he’ll have a chance with her. dude, she might be a slut but you still have to be polite

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 25/06/2025

If you’ve ever been to a comedy show and thought, “wow I could never do that” thank you for your service you are a martyr

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 20/06/2025

Sex is just like riding a bike, right? Or did I already forget how to do it?

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 18/06/2025

I don’t know who needs to hear this but he didn’t realize how great you are he just got h*rny

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 17/06/2025

If you’re a restaurant putting paper straws in a plastic cup you don’t understand the problem

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 17/06/2025

AD/CE sounds like a rock band about history

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 06/06/2025

I’m so insecure a guy texted me "u up?" and I thought he just wanted to know if I was awake or not. It was my dad. And he did

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 06/06/2025

if you gaze into the abyss sometimes it's like hey girl u up?

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 04/06/2025

If you don’t want teachers to do sex work pay them enough so they don’t even have to think about it

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Rebecca T. Kaplan @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social · 02/06/2025

sometimes people tell me to read the news and I’m like hey my great grandma didn’t live to 100 by stressing she did it by smoking and eating deviled eggs every day

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