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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

Season 6 of Riverdale is not technically in any way even the best season of Riverdale. But it is as though Stephen King wrote Crisis on Infinite Earths as a sexy CW murder show delving into Archie lore, and for that it might be my favorite season of television ever. Even with Baby Anthony.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

They say the only Xmas episode of Riverdale is in season 2, but they forget about the one where an evil magician sends an assassin to murder Tabitha and as she’s dying she learns she’s a time traveler and teams up with an angel in the 50s to shelter a couple and their baby from racist cops. At Xmas

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Thought experiment: if someone recorded a podcast about this year’s movie Obsession, go find if they recorded a podcast on the Craft and see the hoops they jump through to defend the sexual assaults in that piece of shit.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

I’m sorry but somebody needs to be honest about it: everything about Charli XCX sucks and she’s awful. She’s more than a decade younger than my old ass but everything she does sounds like a 90 year old man pretending to be a sixteen year old girl.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Just got to read the first issue of the long awaited return of my favorite superheroes and man. That was a swing and a miss.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

AHS Asylum? Sure there are multiple slashers, demonic possession, Satan himself, crazy abusive nuns, a vivisecting mad scientist, an axe murderer, mysterious flesh eating creatures living outside the Asylum, a musical number, and Anne Frank, but the aliens in the finale ruin this season for some.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

I actually love the second season of American Horror Story, but I feel it’s to its great detriment that the scariest part of it is watching Adam Levine attempt to act.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

According to spokesperson Hot Dog, the Archies will no longer be opening for Ed Sheeran.

static.klipy.com

Archie The Archies

ALT: Archie The Archies

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

It’s wild that when Jerry Seinfeld runs his mouth nobody ever not once goes “so what about the time you groomed and fucked a child in your 30s”.

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Reposted by @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social

Abra / Jessica Conwell, Carmella Creeper's Gender Doula🏳️‍⚧️ 🇲🇽🌼 @pairofclaws.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

"The Transformers do not endorse the views of the President" okay, great, yeah, it's very normal that you had to say that. This is an ordinary world where things make sense. It's normal that I'd wake up to an official statement from cartoon robots denouncing the man who has the nuclear codes.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

Who is the best character on television in the last twenty years and why was it Cheryl Blossom?

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

The worst part of Riverdale is this Jughead in prep school. I know some love it, and it’s trying to get back to the tone of season one, but elsewhere Archie is a vigilante, Betty confronts cults, her serial killer potential and her new brother, and Cheryl is haunted by a triplet she ate in the womb.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

Actually best joke in Riverdale might be every season the musical episode ends with a note of hope and then the rug being ripped out from under the characters and a truly terrifying moment of horror. It’s wild that the one that ends with a corpse on the stage isn’t even in the top two most chilling.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

Everybody loves to reference Archie boxing a bear but nobody ever references the time he had to spend hours MMAing an army of nerds one by one as they each shot their shot at murdering him so they could win the RPG they were obsessed with.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

The funniest joke in all of Riverdale is when Clifford Blossom is found dead hanging in the barn at the end of an episode, and Jughead begins the following episode with his fourth wall breaking narration saying “it was the ultimate cliffhanger” and then just keeps talking like it wasn’t a dad joke.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

One of the best things about Riverdale is that the third season centers around the ridiculousness of Satanic Panic around Dungeons and Dragons, but also establishes that nearly every terrible thing that happens in this show happened because the parents were teens who played D&D.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 26/08/2026

The Grim Reaper is really shitting the bed this week.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 24/08/2026

The worst thing Riverdale ever did was make me watch this douche Fangs Fogarty like he’s a main character despite nearly killing him every single season. None of those deaths could have stuck? Particularly the first one?

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

If you’re a queer nerd of a certain age who grew up with Archie books and love sexy teen murder shows and camp and David Lynch, Riverdale is objectively the greatest piece of art ever made.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 15/08/2026

Netflix made me watch 30 seconds of a true crime podcast called the Rotten Files and the only impression I have is that the host, Stephanie Soo, might be one of the most irritating no talent idiots to have ever stumbled into undeserved fame by babbling about murder on the Internet.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 11/08/2026

One of the core elements that made The X-Files work was Scully never thought Mulder was lying or thought him stupid. She respected him and his abilities and she trusted him, she just took on assumption that his worldview was so tilted that he would always leap to a reality she did not believe in.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 06/08/2026

Sorry X-Men ‘97, the idea that Kurt could take on Scott, Jean, Psylocke, Ororo, Hank, Morph, Forge, Wolverine, and all those extras who he was also fighting and last thirty seconds is maybe the dumbest shit in the history of X-Men. It’s cool you made a piece of shit this time.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 29/07/2026

I don’t mean to be a downer but the Cape Fear tv show is sort of a piece of shit.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 24/07/2026

Known serial killer The Punisher is now an Avenger lol Marvel can go fuck itself.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 13/07/2026

Just saw an article headlined “Lindsey Graham’s Cause of Death Revealed” and like yeah we know, they fed him to Mitch.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 11/07/2026

Every time there’s a new article about Nate Bargatze being a Trumper I clutch my pearls and think “What? A mediocre, unfunny cunt whose fame can’t be explained has bad politics? How????”

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 08/07/2026

Blue No Matter Who in defense of a Nazi rapist makes you full on MAGA, just in a blue hat.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 04/07/2026

Happy “Ben, Will’s Son” Day to all who celebrate.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 03/07/2026

Young Washington is literally a joke made in Mindy Kaling’s new sitcom and now it exists in the real world with people believing it’s a serious idea.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 02/07/2026

I enjoy the X-Men cartoons but I generally find people always vastly overstate the quality of the original series and ‘97. That said, this second episode of season 2 is a true all timer for the entire franchise in any medium. Can this just be the show now?

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 30/06/2026

I can’t imagine ever rewatching a live action Marvel show aside from Hawkeye and Agatha. Everything else Is ‘thanks for the five to ten hour movie that feels at best cheap and unfinished’.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 30/06/2026

Stargirl remains one of the best live action superhero shows ever made and it’s crazy the Mouse has rarely produced a show as good.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 11/06/2026

Started watching Not Suitable for Work because I love Ella Hunt so much, and she’s fabulous, but also the show is great and Will Angus might be the most charming new actor I’ve seen in years.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 10/06/2026

Everyone wants to pretend they’re Henry Pollard or Casey Klein, but at best they’re Roman or MAYBE Ron Donald.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 04/06/2026

@missybbbobtail.bsky.social Any chance you can help boost this with your amazing platform?

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 28/05/2026

I don’t always love James Cameron’s later movies, but the Terminator films are still some of the best movies ever made and I love that he was ‘all cops suck at least a bit’ in the first movie, got criticized for it, and went full ACAB in the sequel.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 25/05/2026

I just wan to be realistic, there are very few people who chose to have babies and then talk about it a lot that I don’t actively think of as filth. 🤷‍♂️ You doing a biological task barely more complicated than taking a shit isn’t impressive and I don’t care about your parasite.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 19/05/2026

First playthrough of House of Ashes, basically like playing all timer The Descent but set to the horrors of Desert Storm. There’s a sequence midway through that might be the most intense and scared I’ve ever been playing a video game.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 18/05/2026

Danielle Harris was a recurring character on Roseanne in a season where they had an episode titled “Halloween V” and they couldn’t bother to have her in it. Terrible.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 17/05/2026

Nobody wants to say it, but outside of the five percent of the time when it’s awesome, found footage is cheesedick bullshit garbage.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 07/05/2026

I would like to believe that I could hold up under torture but the reality is if you tied me to a chair and made me listen to Last Podcast on the Left for like twenty seven minutes I’d tell you everything.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 06/05/2026

Semi annual recognition that Parks and Rec episode The Fight is the most perfect episode of a sitcom ever made.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 04/05/2026

People have spent a lot of time coming for the new season of Euphoria and not enough wondering why Hacks has become the mediocre, uninspired bullshit it spent seasons critiquing.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 25/04/2026

It’s a hard thing to be a compassionate fan who doesn’t like to say mean things on the internet, because sometimes one of the best comic book writers of the last thirty years will write a five month crossover event that is the most whorish, poorly written, anti-art piece of shit you’ve ever seen.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 24/04/2026

I can’t imagine ever being such a cowardly, talentless, morally bankrupt piece of shit to write any kind of review about a pedo’s biopic and not even mention that the biopic doesn’t even acknowledge the accusations. These critics should delete themselves.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 17/04/2026

The only Claude I want to hear about is that asshole from Black Christmas.

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realgoldplatedw.bsky.social @realgoldplatedw.bsky.social · 12/04/2026

I love Euphoria but we must be honest: it’s just super glossy, high budget, Nc-17 Degrassi.

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