Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 26/09/2026You never see whales breach with their dick out. Cause they’re classy. Unlike your mother.static.klipy.comHumpback Whale Breaching - Onthe12thfloorALT: Humpback Whale Breaching - Onthe12thfloor 001
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 22/09/2026I feel like way too much of my brain is devoted to running my toes. I need some of that back. I can have slower toes. 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 02/09/2026The Paper Girls show was cool as fuck and none of you watched it and you suck. 010
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 23/08/2026When it gets over 100° my weather app adds a cactus to the sun. 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 20/08/2026Who is eating shredded wheat without frosting? Who can just take reality raw like that? Are you also going to work sober, you fucking monster? Buncha baked potato, no butter, no salt motherfuckers. Taking pills with no drink sons of bitches. 000
Reposted by RandyRiker Googling @rikergoogling.bsky.social · 05/08/2026why isn’t the future the way we thought it would be 31512112
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 05/08/2026I don’t know what it means when you can buy toys of yourself as a child, that is dressed as other toys from your childhood. It’s like a nostalgia Ouroboros. 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 17/07/2026Some of y’all are out here counting ten toes. Some of us are counting to five and clearing feet like professionals. Five and done. That’s one good foot. Next foot might be three but, I got a five and I’m gonna celebrate a victory. You worry about ten. I live my life five little piggys at a time. 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 04/07/2026Miller is just doing Cobra Commander plots now. Like, at this point, being enslaved by Sasquatches with robot arms is within the realm of possibility. AND AS COOL AS THAT SOUNDS, this dude is clearly nuts. 020
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 26/05/2026You definitely want a veterinarian that seems bored and detached. A vet that’s too happy is about to tell you how expensive the fix for your animal will be. A vet that’s too sad is gonna tell you how spending money won’t help. A bored veterinarian? Your pet is gonna be fine and so will your wallet. 010
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 26/05/2026I tried the Dr Pepper Zero Cherry 🍒 Cola flavor. It seemed well regarded on the World Wide Web. It tastes exactly like Dr Pepper. 100
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 10/05/2026Audio cassette answering machines. I wish to be reachable but, indirectly and with physical limitations. 010
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 01/05/2026This remains the single best “wall o’ text” ever conveyed by photons. 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 24/04/2026Pressure washing videos offer an emotional catharsis I wasn’t expecting. 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 07/04/2026You think the person that coined “Taco Tuesday” ever sits and wrestles with the immensity of their powers? 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 07/04/2026My father in-law flies in tomorrow for a two week stay. I am currently trying to decide how likely a nuclear war is and, if there is a thermonuclear conflagration, will that affect air travel? This is the most 1980s shit since the 1980s. 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 07/04/2026You think those astronauts ever turn everything off and fly silently in the black, contemplating all of the other pinpricks of life in the void? 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 04/04/2026If you see this, I implore you to post a picture from whatever device you're using with no explanation. 010
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 01/04/2026Today is a fantastic day for people watching. What they consider funny, what’s off limits or in bad taste. The full gamut is on display and watching people reveal a bit of themselves is interesting and a great chance to learn about people. 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 31/03/2026Star Trek was built on the idea that humanity would grow out of being small-minded evil pricks. It was here that Star Trek took its largest and most unrealistic leap into science fiction. Some would say it overshot entirely and landed squarely in fantasy. Just a thought while looking around. 110
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 25/03/2026At what height does a guillotine become comical? I mean where the blade sits before it drops. Is it funny at two stories, three? Surely at four stories it looks ridiculous as opposed to deadly. Anyway, just thinking about guillotines. 000
Reposted by RandyPicard Tips @picardtips.bsky.social · 16/03/2026Picard management tip: Data is easier to manage than humans. 416625
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 08/03/2026I think most people have never smelled, nor eaten, fresh bread. I mean just out of the oven, still steaming, fresh. I also believe we are at the point where exposing them now could lead to widespread societal collapse. I think we are post-fresh bread. Now begins the Old Bread Interregnum. 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 07/03/2026I am now crying at Def Leppard on a Saturday years old. Which, as I’m sure you know, is not an insignificant number. At least I’m not a Roy Orbison. Those poor, incontinent fucks. There’s old and then there’s those Methuselahs. 100
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 04/03/2026Alot of dudes at one point or another need to be told that a relationship with a stripper isn’t real. Dudes know how hard it is to have that talk with another dude. Now dudes gotta learn to have similar conversations about software. Willingly. Welp. *walks off into the horizon.* 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 03/03/2026Give you one guess what the great horned owl does NOT have. The image of owls raining out the sky and spearing their prey upon great horns has been ripped from me and all the people I erroneously told about 10 point owls. Being 46 really sucks. 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 01/03/2026Why does everything we do feel like it’s commanded by some drunk in a neighborhood bar in 1982? 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 28/02/2026They didn’t even have Colin Powell say some shit to Congress. Just went straight to the bullshit. These guys go to war like college dudes fuck. (I am aware Colin Powell is incapable of “saying some shit” due to temporal constraints.) 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 28/02/2026At this point, refusing to pay for YouTube to remove commercials has become a defining characteristic of my personality despite this refusal providing me exactly zero benefits. I exist entirely in a prison of my own making. I am both Montresor and Fortunato. 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 27/02/2026I don’t know man but, my theory that no one gets a swastika tattoo ironically is holding up pretty well. 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 27/02/2026Look, there is absolutely nothing happening right now that G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero didn’t cover in the 1980s.media.tenor.comthree cartoon characters are standing in front of an american flag .ALT: three cartoon characters are standing in front of an american flag . 100
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 25/02/2026With lips that tight you’d think you couldn’t run a credit card through em. 120
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 25/02/2026Fuckin lunkhead show starts soon. I had a dislocated thumb once that was more fuckin useful, least I wasn’t embarrassed to show it to people. I’m gonna go swallow apples till I choke and don’t have to hear the ravings of a homunculus of greasy makeup and fetid sweat pretend to be important. 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 22/02/2026If I get the diabetes, y’all will know the bastard what done it. 120
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 18/02/2026Lot of braying at the moon going on. Everybody wound up real tight. Everybody living between the tick and the boom, as they say. 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 15/02/2026The thing about AI is it’s as if the whole planet is in the strip club with you and fully half of them are insisting the stripper really is into them. Like, you can’t call them all idiots fast enough and loud enough to save them. 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 05/02/2026Every time I open this app I can feel myself tensing up to absorb some ridiculous bullshit news like RFK Jr and Hegseth are using Navy to hunt down all remaining whales and that marines have invaded Madagascar, possibly because of the movie, no one is sure. 010
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 26/01/2026We finally get to be the good guys in Star Wars. That’s not nothing. 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 26/01/2026I don’t know what kinda Signal chats y’all have. My brother uses it to make me look at his dick every time he’s drunk. Zero political stuff. Just unwanted dick pics and Thanksgiving recipes. 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 20/01/2026I don’t think you can claim to be a professional in the anxiety game until you’ve had anxiety about shit that already happened and worked out great. 110
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 17/01/2026I’m a big fan of this. Remember to get the blood flowing. Walk the perimeter of the yard and stand silently in a corner, sucking on a piece of hard candy, or a cigarette, while staring out at the horizon. 110
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 14/01/2026Hey I felt something crawling on me and when I finally looked down after a few minutes it was a spider! That’s so awesome! I thought for sure it was gonna be nerve damage but it was real this time! 000
Randy @randyiv.bsky.social · 13/01/2026Does this mean Drew Carey can sell his own merch now? Cause I’d buy Drew Carey show action figures. I’d buy ALL the Mimi repaints. 000
