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Présomption de légitime défense : l’Assemblée nationale empêche le débat sur la pétition des opposants
Le deuxième texte le plus soutenu depuis la création de la plateforme des pétitions citoyennes de l’Assemblée, avec 732 000 signataires, dénonçait une « atteinte grave à l’État de droit ». Les députés macronistes, de droite et d’extrême droite ont refusé qu’il soit discuté dans l’hémicycle.
![1
Wide shot of the BRITISH MUSEUM. There are suggestions of fascism around the streets - tanks, barricades, an Orwellian 'Big Brother'-style poster on a wall. A voice of a TOUR GUIDE emanates from the museum:
TOUR GUIDE:
So the Tapestry tells acrucial chapter of our nation's history...
2
[Cut to interior of museum. A long Bayeaux-style TAPESTRY is on display, and the Tour Guide is speaking to a tour group]
TOUR GUIDE [smiling]:
How modern fascist Britain was created.
3
TOUR GUIDE:
The Tapestry begins here with the 2008 Crash, then austerity, then the AI Crash...
4
TOUR GUIDE:
...and by the end of the room it's just full-on fash.
5
CHILD IN TOUR GROUP [gesturing to the tapestry]:
What's this middle bit?
TOUR GUIDE:
This is the 2026 Battle of Legitimate Concerns
6
TOUR GUIDE:
[show a reporter standing next to the Dover protests]
Here's the media saying the government have got to do something about the legitimate concerns...
7
CHILD:
...About the failure of capitalism?
TOUR GUIDE:
No about brown people on boats
8
CHILD:
[pointing at boats crossing the sea on the tapestry]
Are these boats the mega-dinghies?
TOUR GUIDE:
Not all of them
9
[we see one of the boats is a giant yacht]
TOUR GUIDE:
That one's a superyacht,
carrying money from the American fascists to the British ones.
10
TOUR GUIDE:
You see really it's as much a story of convergence as it is of conflict.
[An alarm sounds in the museum]
DING DING DING DING
11
TOUR GUIDE:
Ok, tour over everyone
12
TOUR GUIDE:
It's time for the Two Minute Hate!
[They all leave the museum]
[ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreiboinypoonvak2nkagipcfwm22lge4gldp2iscz3leiptjxg4e63u)
![[Scene is exterior of THE PENTAGON]
1
[Voice from inside Pentagon]:
Sir, I’d like you to meet...
2
[Interior scene now - a SERGEANT is talking to a higher-up GENERAL]
SERGEANT:
Our newest recruit in the war on the British.
3
SERGEANT:
Brandon Cardreader.
[the door opens and a pub-style CARD READER is in the doorway].
4
GENERAL:
Are you a loyal American, Cardreader?
CARD READER:
Yessir!
5
CARD READER:
Designed and made in California, sir.
6
SERGEANT:
The plan is to get Cardreader a job in a London pub…
undercover of course, ‘pounds’ instead of dollars...
CARD READER:
I’m fluent.
7
SERGEANT:
But his tipping options?
They’ll remain American.
[Show Card Reader’s screen saying “TIP?”, and the options “15%, 25%, 35%”]
8
SERGEANT:
Being shown this in an awkward context will scramble the delicate class-shame circuitry of the British mind.
[Show a visualisation on a TV screen of this happening]
9
SERGEANT:
Some will tip 35% out of embarrassment
Then some more…
Soon it’ll be normal…
10
GENERAL:
Won’t they just stop drinking?
SERGEANT:
No.
11
SERGEANT:
In a year they’ll be bankrupt. In five years…
GENERAL:
My God…
12
GENERAL:
They’ll be American.
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreidr7ec7gw2h44z24gwgfdv3i6pq47vsmhwjofnvjnd6hp7fuh235m)
![1
[TV show titles]:
SORT YOUR LIFE OUT
2
[STACEY SOLOMON and the team are outside NIGEL FARAGE’S house with Nigel and his girlfriend LAURE FERRARI]
STACEY:
So Nigel - you're a politician aren't you?
3
FARAGE:
Yes Stacey but I also have a hobby...
4
LAURE [proudly, but slightly worried]:
Nigel collects nutters.
5
[Interior - Stacey and the team entering Nigel and Laure’s house. It is crammed with weird-looking people].
STACEY:
Oh my goooorsh
6
STACEY:
Look at all the weirdos!
7
STACEY:
Where do you sleep?
NIGEL:
Over there
on the pile of racists
8
[Nigel is showing Stacey his collection of lunatics]
NIGEL:
This one talks a lot about UFOs in Doncaster
[He gestures to councillor Kieran Lay standing in a display case]
STACEY:
Wowww...
9
[Showing her Reform councillor Steven Lewis, standing behind a lamp]:
NIGEL:
This one thinks we are in a simulation made by Satan called ‘the Matrix’
STACEY:
So many types!
10
STACEY [voice over]
But Nigel is worried his collection is affecting his electability at work.
[Nigel is starting to cry]
STACEY [putting hand on his shoulder]:
Oh babe...
11
[They are now in THE WAREHOUSE where Stacey puts all the belongings out into zones. Each zone is full of weird looking people. They are labelled: RACISTS, ANTISEMITES, PLANDEMICS, MISOGYNISTS etc]
STACEY:
So listen Nigel,
We can't leave leave the warehouse...
12
STACEY:
Till you've donated half of these to Restore.
NIGEL:
I CAN'T DO IT STACEY
[ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreigx6bwqzzlkzks6uie2qpll5mp3nar2nhfek2rhvyq7prhk2datr4)
![Scene is a LONGBOAT sailing on the sea. It is all drawn in the style of the Bayeaux Tapestry. A voice is coming from the boat:
Owwww
Uuuuuuurgh
Ooooooooh
[Scene changes to on the deck of the boat - still drawn like the Bayeaux Tapestry. A SOLDIER is talking to HAROLD, who is lying on the deck of the boat, with the arrow in his eye.]
SOLDIER:
For God's sake stop it Harold!
HAROLD:
Oh I'm sorry. It's not like I've got an ARROW IN MY EYE or anything
SOLDIER:
Look, we discussed this. The arrow is your thing. People want to see the arrow.
HAROLD:
It's been in there for 950 years. I should really see a doctor
SOLDIER:
No! We are travelling to England to be displayed in the British Museum.
What do you think people would say if you didn't have your arrow in?
HAROLD:
I don't care. I want it taken out. It hurts.
SOLDIER:
No.
HAROLD:
But I could get it seen to in England! The NHS has some of the best tapestry eye surgeons in the world!
SOLDIER:
Oh right, I get it, so this is health tourism...
HAROLD:
Duh, no, cos I'm Anglo Saxon?
SOLDIER:
Ohmigod you sound so Brexit
[Silent pause,, they cotuinue to sail]
HAROLD:
Uuuurgh
SOLDIER:
SHUT UP
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreib7o5h7pjb446tk4kbiwrkkzdvg7xoq3hw3qankxh6nvyaka6keum)
