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Mallory Langston

@primnimproper.bsky.social
1.3K followers 704 following 488 posts

Sorta-sabbitical-ing lawyer mom, former indigent parent counsel, plush robe and blanket enthusiast, Roger the alien fangirl, casually profane, bakes and builds shit.

PostsRepliesMedia
Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 3h
I wanna sleep as hard as Socks does.
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
I wish horror film studios would stop churning out movies with the same bullshit non-ending ending, while acting like it's high art. Filmmaking is storytelling. Stories end. ...
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ryan cooper @ryanlcooper.com · 26/09/2026
great piece. man social media is a cancer themomoftheyear.substack.com/p/im-the-mom...
themomoftheyear.substack.com
I’m the Mom in That Viral Giants Clip. Let Me Tell You About My Husband.
You saw me carrying our baby and food. There was more happening in our family that night.
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
I'm so sick of my shit. (Trying to determine whether I've already watched this specific tsunami movie, or if I'm just thinking of any of the, idk 50???, other natural disaster movies I've watched in the past couple of years.) ...
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
I forgot to tell y'all that we've got a boy raccoon with a crooked tail, and we know he's a boy because he showed us that BELLY. Enjoy:
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
I would do crimes for this opossum with one stripey ear.
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
I fear the baby raccoons are gonna learn a very stinky lesson about skunks and personal space. Also, fuck generative AI slop because real animals just living their lives are already impossibly cute. We never needed that planet-destroying shit. We just needed perfectly placed infrared cams.
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
I think one of the opossums skeedaddled across the metal roof at the end here.
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Yes, I do a have a favorite skunk:
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
⬅️ Marked safe from being the white woman who picked up a rabid bat in downtown Minneapolis on 9/15 at noon
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Jennifer @jenniferscrazy.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Please only help if you are able. I am ready for 2026 to be over. #minterland
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Dr Strange PhD, Cat Lackey @ceeeyes.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
#Minterland! Our friend @jenniferscrazy.bsky.social recently experienced severe storm damage. The hoomins and the kitties are fine, but the storm destroyed her catio 🥺. We're raising $ to replace it, and help pay for anything insurance won't cover. Please share 💜 www.gofundme.com/f/repair-tor...
gofundme.com
Donate to Repair Tornado Damage for Jennifer and Her Kitties, organized by Cee Eyes
Recently, a tornado struck near our friend Jennifer’s home, causing cons… Cee Eyes needs your support for Repair Tornado Damage for Jennifer and Her Kitties
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Remaining 29% of Americans Say They're "All Hopped Up on Mountain Dew."
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
She'd be safe with me, and that's all that matters.
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
I'm starting to think Over the Hedge was a true story...
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Barred and Boujee aka Madiba Dennie @audrelawdamercy.blacksky.app · 14/09/2026
btw my birthday is on Friday! and the ideal gift would be you getting a copy of The Originalism Trap 🥳 for yourself or a friend, i mean. i already have several copies lol bookshop.org/p/books/the-...
bookshop.org
The Originalism Trap: How Extremists Stole the Constitution and How We the People Can Take It Back
A rallying cry for a more just approach to the law that bolsters social justice movements by throwing out originalism—the theory that judges should interpret the Constitution exactly as conservatives ...
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
We kept my nephew's kittens overnight (the 2 on the cat tree. That's my Elfo in the window.), and everybody got along fine. 8 cats counting our guests. 2 big dogs, one of whom is mostly Malinois. It's entirely possible that my house is, despite Disney's claims, the happiest place on Earth.
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
Her tail is skinny because she's got babies, and she brought them with her last night. 😭😭😭😭😭😭
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
For $3,000, I'll send you every video I capture of skinny-tail raccoon in perpetuity. Much better value. First taste is free.
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
MORE! MORRRREEEEE!!! MOOOOOORRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEE!!!! 🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
All three skunks (and a raccoon) were out there at the same time last night, and they are so pretty and unique, and I love them so stinking much (<--see what I did there?). 🦨🖤🥹
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Golf is for men who cheat on their wives and neglect/emotionally abuse their children. Other people might play, but it's not *for* them. In this essay, I will...
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
currently searching "how to offer raccoons uppies"
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Socks ☺️
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Types "how to domesticate skunk" in search engine...
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
They don't even know I'm obsessed.
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
I thought I was about to relive the Millennial Mufasa trauma, but nope. Wholesome as can be.
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
Fortunately, I do get to pet these two, and my Louise is pretty close to coyote-shaped. 😁
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unclebernie.bsky.social @unclebernie.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
An old colleague and friend of mine started a Non-Profit near San Francisco called Project Coyote! All about education and co-existence. Plus she advocates for their protection. projectcoyote.org please check them out!
projectcoyote.org
Homepage - Project Coyote
Wild carnivores are among the most heavily persecuted species in the United States, despite their critical role in our ecosystems. The aftermath of the
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
I know it's not a dog. I know it's not a pet. I know I can't pet it. But I can love it. I love it.
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Can't lie... I'm excited for the movie version of this. It's (A)merican Psychos(I)s, in which our Norman Bates/Patrick Bateman-esque adult son is the product of years of enmeshment with his chatbot "mother." Real world this? Yikes.
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
Ryan's grandpa requested my cinnamon rolls for his birthday, and I regret to inform everyone that they are still absolutely worth all the effort. Dammit.
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
Physics:
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
My life has new meaning.
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
Raccoon, opossum, baby skunk. You can't tell me shiiiiit now. I'm a motherfucking Disney princess. Got the voice for it, too. I AM A GODDDDDDDD
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
Today I learned of the existence of little penguins in Australia and New Zealand, and I just don't think it's fair that they get most of the marsupials AND the Polly Pocket penguin. Sigh.
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
I've been putting birdseed and fresh water out every night for the early bird crowd, but it's apparently been going to the night owls instead. 😊
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
Y'all (attorneys) ever think about the massive volume of information you had to MEMORIZE in order to get your degree and pass the Bar, just for, like, IDK, a single digit number of USSC decisions to render that knowledge useless? Maybe I'd be less annoyed if more of it were open book...
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
It was cringe when the middle-aged women of Facebook all generated yassified Christmas pajama hottie images. This is something far, FAR worse. Those women are, in the grand scheme of things, pretty fucking powerless. Aren't we all? This man, though, can do anything he wants. And he wants this:
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Michael Clemens @mclem.org · 12/08/2026
Incredible. When E—n M—k & his crew obliterated USAID in a weekend, they deleted a vast trove of publicly-funded knowledge: the Development Experience Clearinghouse. A Canadian high school student (!) happened to have downloaded the entire thing for a project. AidData has now posted it for all.
aiddata.org
Before reimagining development data, remember what we’ve learned
Why we’re publishing a free, searchable, and ungated archive featuring a quarter-century of USAID evaluation reports.
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 08/08/2026
(Sound up) I had the audacity to watch the birds out the front door glass without Socks.
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
The weirdest little guy (Elfo).
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
This is the same energy as the flight attendant who deployed the emergency slide (on the ground), grabbed two beers, and jumped. Kings among men.
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
I don't know who needs to hear this today, but they couldn't just fly on the eagles to Mordor because THERE'S NOTHING INCONSPICUOUS ABOUT A GIANT BIRD IN THE SKY. You know who'd see that coming from miiiiiiiiiiiles away??? THE GIANT EVIL EYEBALL IN THE SKY.
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 28/07/2026
I've been binge-watching documentaries for a couple of weeks, and I really think that, at my core, I am just a nosey little shit who longs to know things. I mean--er, ummm--I'm a "lifelong learner."
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
Elfo.
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
Socks and his signature hug-attack:
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👻madeline bOoOoOoOodent👻 @oldenoughtosay.com · 18/07/2026
God, if this ain’t the entire truth. Standardised tests measure one (1) thing, and that’s how good you are at playing the standardised test game. and once you realise that solving a Rubik’s cube is just a party trick, if you see someone bragging about it like it makes them better… it’s gross
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 18/07/2026
Feets.
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Mallory Langston @primnimproper.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
SEE?!
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