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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong]

@pete.social
1.2K followers 592 following 3.8K posts

That is a flashlight in my pocket, but I am happy to see you. 🔦 Chicagoish | Garbage Heap | Seeking Dopamine 🍕 | 🍔 | 🏎️💨 | ✏️ | 🖊️ | 📓 | 🛠️ | 🧰

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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 01/10/2026
Dietrich Mateschitz gave Horner and Helmut Marko a blank check to build and run the team with virtually zero interference. Horner would accept no less. The only thing Ferrari knows how to do is interfere. The team is run wholly on emotion and reaction. It’s exactly what Enzo would have wanted.
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 01/10/2026
Why is it everyone’s racist grandfather or uncle does that *same* voice change?
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 01/10/2026
When put in the context of “Guess who hosted the 2026 World Cup!”… Holy Hell.
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 30/09/2026
I believe he’s referencing Tim Dillon here
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 30/09/2026
“Remember that fluoride we stopped putting in your water? It’s being replaced with testosterone.” Department of War announces new marketing campaign: “The United States Military - Hard Dicks, Soft Teeth.”
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 30/09/2026
No one ever believes me when I say that I only spot clean them, and throw in the freezer overnight every couple of weeks.
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 30/09/2026
What about the sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, and dickheads? They do not think that Hegseth is a righteous dude.
010
Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 30/09/2026
What about the sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, and dickheads?
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 30/09/2026
Someone needs to write a screenplay featuring these three assholes on a fishing trip. What a goddamn nightmare.
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 30/09/2026
This I knew about! To be honest, I am a shy pooper and would much prefer releasing my sample in the safety and comfort of my own home. The thought of being given a 10-minute window to produce in a lab setting gives me the ick… and the magazines are terrible!
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 30/09/2026
But they have concepts of a plan.
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 30/09/2026
“UnitedHealthcare now advising customers to perform at-home colonoscopies by inserting their cell phones into their rectums.” - I give it less then 24 months until they’re pushing this agenda.
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 30/09/2026
Therewolf is lurking just around the corner…
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 29/09/2026
Bender: “Has anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a cheroot…” Leela: “He’s over there, puking in the Bushes.”
The heads of George HW and George W Bush, soon to be puked in by Ulysses Grant
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 29/09/2026
He’s reserving “Supreme Intelligence” for himself. What a douchebag.
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 28/09/2026
“Tell you what, I’ll just email over the 725,000 page assembly manual from my AOL email account… If you like what you see, send the money our way. Do you have Adobe Acrobat in China?”
000
Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 28/09/2026
JCO… FROM THE TOP ROPE… WITH A STEEL CHAIR!
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 27/09/2026
In the words of Dr. Drew Pinsky (circa 1997), “Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.”
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 26/09/2026
I read this morning that 1.7 million pounds of powdered sugar and light brown sugar are being recalled due to potential wheat contamination. This news does not make my vegetarian/gluten-free wife any less terrified of recent food recalls.
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 26/09/2026
More like Victor von Douche, amirite?
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 26/09/2026
static.klipy.com
Pulp Fiction We Should Have Shotguns For This Kind Of Deal
Alt: Pulp Fiction We Should Have Shotguns For This Kind Of Deal
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Reposted by Pete [not Crow-Armstrong]
Pete Woods @thatpetewoods.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
Actually, Fetterman is the scientist’s name.
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 26/09/2026
The ads are shit. Shit-filled pillows, anyway.
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 26/09/2026
It’s yet another way for John Menard to take money from the pockets of hardworking Americans… But tell them he’s saving them money.
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 26/09/2026
Had me in the first half…
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 26/09/2026
Would it help if I said that I’d like Brian Niccol to fall into a cactus patch? Preferably while in his private jet, commuting between Newport Beach and Seattle?
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 26/09/2026
Ben Affleck’s angina is flaring up SO 👏🏻 HAAAHD 👏🏻 right now.
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 26/09/2026
While holding an XL Dunkin iced coffee, “This coffee sucks.”
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 26/09/2026
I didn’t quite catch how much Paul Ryan looks like Jay Cutler here. Similar look, similar trajectories. Huh.
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 26/09/2026
My job is done here.
static.klipy.com
Mountain Man Approval Head Nod
Alt: Mountain Man Approval Head Nod
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 26/09/2026
static.klipy.com
Man Yells 'NERDS!!!'
Alt: Man Yells 'NERDS!!!'
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 26/09/2026
Burgess Meridith[ as Mickey Goldmill]’s reanimated claymation corpse just stormed the field and screamed, “That’s BANANAS, Baby!”
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 26/09/2026
I see your Gopher and raise you ICQ
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 26/09/2026
I’ll dust off the ol’ IBM and start up a BBS for the cause.
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 26/09/2026
AOL Instant Messenger, clearly.
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 26/09/2026
“Do you have a kitchen where I can microwave some butter and mashed banana? It’s difficult to get things into the cylinder when cold…”
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 26/09/2026
static.klipy.com
Arrested Development: It's Hot Ham Water
Alt: Arrested Development: It's Hot Ham Water
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 26/09/2026
Why is bottle not meat square?
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 25/09/2026
[Ford Crown Victoria has entered the chat] Is a NYC taxi medallion more or less expensive than an FIA Super Licence?
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 25/09/2026
Renault Clio Cup. Russell will be there too!
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 25/09/2026
Pretty sure that’s an unfathomably large amount of Ketamine wearing an Elon Musk suit.
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 24/09/2026
“Inside of you, there are two organs… The strongest will be the one you feed.” Trish at the bar will be giving your livers a workout tonight! Now featuring 2 for 1 J&B doubles!
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 23/09/2026
Really puts a new spin on, “🥴 I’m going to be paying for this meal for days…”
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 23/09/2026
Bet? I guarantee the words went straight from Peter Thiel’s mouth to JD Vance’s ear. Bunch of jagoffs… 😒
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 23/09/2026
Ah, yes. Donald the Dove.
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 23/09/2026
Fair. I often confuse photos of Newsome and Joel Osteen… Should have seen it coming.
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 23/09/2026
Why is this giving me Dana Carvey as Bizarro Church Lady vibes?
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 22/09/2026
Why does the new McLaren logo look like a ripoff of the Marriott Bonvoy logo? #F1
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 22/09/2026
Seriously. I need to remain on my couch, open the app for my doorbell, see who it is, then tell them to get off my porch through the app. Before I can even see the video, they’ve rung the bell thrice. 😒
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Pete [not Crow-Armstrong] @pete.social · 22/09/2026
WHY GOD WHY
static.klipy.com
Mr. Tickle's Long Arms
Alt: Mr. Tickle's Long Arms
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