Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Instagram racists are swinging at air right now. Trump sucks, everything he touches turns to shit, we’re losing the war in Iran and everything is expensive. All because we voted to give their ideas a chance. Now they’ve reverted to hating on Islam because they got nothing. Rot in piss losers ✌️ 0120
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 20/09/2026When I was in a band we paid $100 to get some photos done and my grandma was like “$100??? They do photos at Walmart for $25” I told her that they were for the band and she was like “you guys could hold your instruments” anyways looking back she was 100% right those would have been way better 070
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 20/09/2026I love when I hear a joke that references several niche topics from a subculture I know nothing about but you can sense that if you knew what any of that meant that it would be a total banger 020
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 20/09/2026had a dream last night that ended with me turning on a car radio and there this AI sounding female voice singing over kind of bland music you’d hear in an educational video and she said “America is a legislative Pokémon democracy” like my shit was just pulling words from the ether lol 052
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 20/09/2026You can tell how out of touch a conservative is if they still harp about the Left wanting to take their guns like buddy I don’t know what media you’ve been following but I don’t think anyone has been anti-gun for about 5 years now. Gay, trans, communist, vegan etc. everybody is strapping the fuck up 061
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Pull up to the function straight vibing like I’m Mitch McConnell 150
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 15/09/2026I remember joking around and riffing with the boys in like 4th/5th grade and we were really exploring the idea of a fart propelling someone or like someone farting and perhaps even using that fart as a mode of transport or maybe even a weapon. That was rich territory that yielded a lot of big laughs 290
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 10/09/2026My cousin started rollerblading as a hobby and it’s ruining his marriage 2101
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 03/09/2026White dudes in Connecticut got the following fashion options: Sports Mass shooter School shooter Private school shooter Middle Management Family Annihilator (Rich) Family Annihilator (Cosplaying rich) 2009 chic 170
Reposted by Crooked Union GuyKath Barbadoro @kathbarbadoro.bsky.social · 26/08/2026@peezytx.bsky.social and i have invented a new show called "I Thought You Said You Could Dance" (like "So You Think You Can Dance"). You nominate people you know who make outrageous claims about themselves ("I can dunk" etc) to the show and then the show ambushes them and makes them prove it 1319916
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 15/08/2026I don’t know why I’m so tired I smoked all that sativa 🤔 030
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 14/08/2026Calling an Irish dude who’s not around Potata Non Gratin 071
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 08/08/2026The Dallas Cowboys stopped winning playoff games the same year I started jacking off 170
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 08/08/2026For reasons I really can’t get into publicly I’ll tell you this: being cool is a superpower 020
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 06/08/2026I love when Facebook is like “hey some dude you don’t really fuck with done sent you like 8 reels on messenger” 020
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 04/08/2026Weed so good I randomly just got sad thinking about how the FBI did Richard Jewell 180
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 01/08/2026Working overtime on a Saturday and come quitting the older Mexican journeyman looks at me and says “Come on my friend, let’s go see the modelos!” 090
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 01/08/2026“Bro thought he cooked lmao” he typed as his lip began to quiver and eyes filled with tears 050
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 01/08/2026Bro, a new hardcore history and a new fall of civilizations on the same day?? What?? 020
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 31/07/2026Some of the little dorks on My jobsite are actually mad that girls are posting ass pics to the gram like…I don’t understand what’s happening anymore 060
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 31/07/2026Hey just who in the hell does this guy think he is? Former city council member Fred Peña?? 110
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 25/07/2026*husband of the departed delivering the eulogy* When Julia got the diagnosis she looked at me and said “I’m gonna beat this”….and it’s kinda weird that she lied to me but whatever I guess 0160
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 22/07/2026My new photography business “Low Key Ugly In The Face” is doing great. We do photo shoots but we’ll put a lamp or some shit in front of your face and you can share it on dating sites and be like “yeah they fucked up and got me when I walked behind the lamp” 050
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 21/07/2026These little Hitler apologists are weird as shit bro 040
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 19/07/2026These new little racist ass right wing kids will legit tell you that 9/11 was actually a hologram projected into the sky by mossad agents and you’ll be like “okay, and maybe the US government also worked to actively oppress black and brown communities” and they’ll be like “LMAO good goy 🐶 🇮🇱” 0144
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 19/07/2026I often think about all the rappers I liked from the 2000’s who didn’t have long profitable careers and I legitimately hope they’re doing okay 180
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 17/07/2026Stopped by the trap house they was watching Westies 020
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 14/07/2026A construction Foreman put in charge of a dysfunctional crew who decides to dedicate one shift to having his workers do team building exercises and the site superintendent walks up and sees all the guys doing trust falls and he’s like “hey what the fuck? you’re fired.” 020
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 14/07/2026This might be a totally fabricated memory, but is the song “she’ll be coming around the mountain when she comes” about a guy out in the old west who mail orders a wife? 140
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 14/07/2026Clumsy theoretical physicist frantically working to hide the fact that he has a small but ever growing black hole in his office 050
Reposted by Crooked Union Guysmokey eunuch™ @dommedeluise.bsky.social · 14/07/2026the cigarette smoking man makes those cigarettes look sooooooooo good tho would love it if it had an anti-smoking element to it too and u find out he's like 28 2171
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 14/07/2026Dude just said he found an affordable therapist and I thought he said “a portable therapist” and was lost for the next 5 minutes 180
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 14/07/2026I have the most defined opinions about the streaming model’s impact on television writing and series structure in general of anyone on this entire construction site. These other guys seem to barely even think about it 🤦 290
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 12/07/2026Ninja turtles prequel where they’re just turtles. No kung fu. None of them can talk. They’re just animals. 16 episodes. 5 season arc. Apple TV. $700 million dollar budget. Make it happen. 291
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 11/07/2026Woooooke-lahoma where the thems go whistling though the theys 060
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 08/07/2026When you’re a holier than thou blue collar guy but you’re also building a data center “I’m out here busting my ass 10 hours a day, six days a week to make sure NONE OF US have a future!” 0869
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 08/07/2026If I was a small town police chief I’d be nervous as hell there would be a serial killer or a shark or some shit that would expose me for the inept fraud I am and my mishandling of the case would forever tarnish my legacy 2150
Reposted by Crooked Union GuyBen Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 07/07/2026mcconnell returning after weeks with a gigantic BBL 151048180
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 07/07/2026Paying my friend to call my job and say he’s my doctor at the Big Dick Clinic and to please let me know that they got my test results back and they’re positive 151
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 07/07/2026Calling a nerdy Chinese dude a Tiananmen Square 040
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 05/07/2026Me watching a true crime documentary and they show the year and then the year scrolls back to like 1994: Awww shit let’s go 040
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 02/07/2026If my dad was dissatisfied with a business or the government he would say it was “ran by a pack of Jerry’s kids” I had no clue who Jerry Lewis was or that he had a childhood muscular dystrophy charity. But I knew he had a friend named Jerry who had two kids and I thought he was talking about them 1102
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 01/07/2026My steak is too juicy/my lobster is too buttery 140
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 01/07/2026Been listening to a lot of Australian true crime lately. They do it all backwards down there. The killer comes forward first and says that he’s committed a murder and then the police have to figure out who the victim is. This is due to the corealis effect 1100
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 01/07/2026Man one time I was driving around with this super hot chick and we saw a dog running around in traffic and she was like “omg you have to do something” and next thing I know I’m chasing a dog around north loop in Austin, TX. Didn’t catch it. Couldn’t catch it. Knew I couldn’t before I got out the car 170
