Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Instagram racists are swinging at air right now. Trump sucks, everything he touches turns to shit, we’re losing the war in Iran and everything is expensive. All because we voted to give their ideas a chance. Now they’ve reverted to hating on Islam because they got nothing. Rot in piss losers ✌️ 0120
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 20/09/2026When I was in a band we paid $100 to get some photos done and my grandma was like “$100??? They do photos at Walmart for $25” I told her that they were for the band and she was like “you guys could hold your instruments” anyways looking back she was 100% right those would have been way better 070
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 20/09/2026I love when I hear a joke that references several niche topics from a subculture I know nothing about but you can sense that if you knew what any of that meant that it would be a total banger 020
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 20/09/2026had a dream last night that ended with me turning on a car radio and there this AI sounding female voice singing over kind of bland music you’d hear in an educational video and she said “America is a legislative Pokémon democracy” like my shit was just pulling words from the ether lol 052
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 20/09/2026You can tell how out of touch a conservative is if they still harp about the Left wanting to take their guns like buddy I don’t know what media you’ve been following but I don’t think anyone has been anti-gun for about 5 years now. Gay, trans, communist, vegan etc. everybody is strapping the fuck up 061
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Pull up to the function straight vibing like I’m Mitch McConnell 150
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 15/09/2026Real talk, though if I was UFC fighter, I’d be farting like crazy. like bro I just been eating QuikTrip sandwiches since the weigh in and drinking fireball shots I got at the gas station register. Good luck lol 030
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 15/09/2026One time we were playing football at the park and my homie farted when he got tackled and that was basically like the funniest thing that I feel we thought had ever happened in history. Cuz then we started joking about farting and breaking a tackle. Or farting to push ahead and make a catch lol 170
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 15/09/2026I remember joking around and riffing with the boys in like 4th/5th grade and we were really exploring the idea of a fart propelling someone or like someone farting and perhaps even using that fart as a mode of transport or maybe even a weapon. That was rich territory that yielded a lot of big laughs 290
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 10/09/2026But we are literally going rollerblading tonight and he is beyond stoked 150
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 10/09/2026I’m happy for him because he built a landscaping empire from the ground up starting in his teens and he’s legit never had a hobby so I’m rooting for him. I think his wife is upset that he didn’t find something they both enjoy? I dunno. I’m hoping they can make it work lol 140
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 10/09/2026But he also started going to out of town weekend long skate events in NYC and Boston. Literally no one thinks he’s cheating but there Are two opposing camps in the fam/friend circle. One side is happy for him and the other is like “he abandons his family for days on end to go on rollerblade trips” 150
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 10/09/2026This is like the only safe space space I can joke about this but my cousin and his kids got into rollerblading a couple years ago but then the kids lost interest but he kept going. Hard. Now he goes to these roller blade meet ups and he’s a workaholic and this is like the happiest he’s ever been 160
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 10/09/2026My cousin started rollerblading as a hobby and it’s ruining his marriage 2101
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 03/09/2026White dudes in Connecticut got the following fashion options: Sports Mass shooter School shooter Private school shooter Middle Management Family Annihilator (Rich) Family Annihilator (Cosplaying rich) 2009 chic 170
Reposted by Crooked Union GuyKath Barbadoro @kathbarbadoro.bsky.social · 26/08/2026@peezytx.bsky.social and i have invented a new show called "I Thought You Said You Could Dance" (like "So You Think You Can Dance"). You nominate people you know who make outrageous claims about themselves ("I can dunk" etc) to the show and then the show ambushes them and makes them prove it 1319916
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 15/08/2026I don’t know why I’m so tired I smoked all that sativa 🤔 030
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 14/08/2026Calling an Irish dude who’s not around Potata Non Gratin 071
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 08/08/2026The Dallas Cowboys stopped winning playoff games the same year I started jacking off 170
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 08/08/2026For reasons I really can’t get into publicly I’ll tell you this: being cool is a superpower 020
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 06/08/2026I love when Facebook is like “hey some dude you don’t really fuck with done sent you like 8 reels on messenger” 020
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 04/08/2026Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, dry mouth and a sudden and unprompted pang of sadness for the FBI’s handling of the investigation into the 1996 Olympic park bombing suspect Richard jewell 010
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 04/08/2026Weed so good I randomly just got sad thinking about how the FBI did Richard Jewell 180
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 01/08/2026Working overtime on a Saturday and come quitting the older Mexican journeyman looks at me and says “Come on my friend, let’s go see the modelos!” 090
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 01/08/2026“Bro thought he cooked lmao” he typed as his lip began to quiver and eyes filled with tears 050
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 01/08/2026Bro, a new hardcore history and a new fall of civilizations on the same day?? What?? 020
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 31/07/2026Some of the little dorks on My jobsite are actually mad that girls are posting ass pics to the gram like…I don’t understand what’s happening anymore 060
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 31/07/2026A guy gets a little bit of motion and all of a sudden he’s walking around like he’s the second generation owner of Peña Collision Repair? Yeah Get real buddy. 000
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 31/07/2026Hey just who in the hell does this guy think he is? Former city council member Fred Peña?? 110
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 28/07/2026Yoooo that goes hard as hell actually. Also I’m from copperas cove tx 🤯 220
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 28/07/2026Not really creepy but more just surreal is when two adults have a conversation about a baby thru the baby “how old are you?” “Say I’m 1” “I like your hat” “say thank you” I been faded in public and caught an extended version of that and just stared at it like a lava lamp 0100
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 25/07/2026*husband of the departed delivering the eulogy* When Julia got the diagnosis she looked at me and said “I’m gonna beat this”….and it’s kinda weird that she lied to me but whatever I guess 0160
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 22/07/2026My new photography business “Low Key Ugly In The Face” is doing great. We do photo shoots but we’ll put a lamp or some shit in front of your face and you can share it on dating sites and be like “yeah they fucked up and got me when I walked behind the lamp” 050
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 21/07/2026These little Hitler apologists are weird as shit bro 040
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 19/07/2026These new little racist ass right wing kids will legit tell you that 9/11 was actually a hologram projected into the sky by mossad agents and you’ll be like “okay, and maybe the US government also worked to actively oppress black and brown communities” and they’ll be like “LMAO good goy 🐶 🇮🇱” 0144
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 19/07/2026This is legitimately one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen 030
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 19/07/2026In the tides prehistory episode about cave art you talked about the rules that the drawings follow (bulls/horses going opposing directions, convex/concave surfaces) and it fascinated me to think what meant. Do you have any personal theories? Also been jamming this banger on the jobsite this week 060
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 19/07/2026lol hell yeah. I became Facebook friends with a Houston rapper that was as on track to blow up alongside Paul Wall and Chamillionaire but just didn’t and uh man he was doing kinda rough lol 120
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 19/07/2026I often think about all the rappers I liked from the 2000’s who didn’t have long profitable careers and I legitimately hope they’re doing okay 180
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 17/07/2026Stopped by the trap house they was watching Westies 020
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 14/07/2026A construction Foreman put in charge of a dysfunctional crew who decides to dedicate one shift to having his workers do team building exercises and the site superintendent walks up and sees all the guys doing trust falls and he’s like “hey what the fuck? you’re fired.” 020
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 14/07/2026This might be a totally fabricated memory, but is the song “she’ll be coming around the mountain when she comes” about a guy out in the old west who mail orders a wife? 140
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 14/07/2026Clumsy theoretical physicist frantically working to hide the fact that he has a small but ever growing black hole in his office 050
Reposted by Crooked Union Guy💀spooky eunuch™🕸️ @dommedeluise.bsky.social · 14/07/2026the cigarette smoking man makes those cigarettes look sooooooooo good tho would love it if it had an anti-smoking element to it too and u find out he's like 28 2171
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 14/07/2026Dude just said he found an affordable therapist and I thought he said “a portable therapist” and was lost for the next 5 minutes 180
Crooked Union Guy @peezytx.bsky.social · 14/07/2026Hahahahah this is one of my exact complaints. I literally say this all the time 010
