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Ben Rosen

@benrosen.bsky.social
19K followers 898 following 406 posts
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
me trying to remember my parents birthdays: me trying to remember the tagline for the 2011 nbc sitcom whitney: HALF OF ALL MARRIAGES END IN SWEATPANTS
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
20th century tech: we have invented a solution to a common problem 21st century tech: we have invented a problem
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
"Eli Manning? Twice?"
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
*pitching the mighty ducks* we want to grab the kids attention right away, so we’ll open with an attorney who loves drunk driving
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
me when frasier goes to a ski lodge with his brother, dad, daphne, and daphne's girlfriend, and there's a gay skiing instructor who thinks niles likes him, but actually the girlfriend likes niles, but frasier likes the girlfriend, and niles likes daphne, but daphne likes the skiing instructor, and m
mitch mcconnell smiling vacantly
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
going back in time to 2017 so i can tweet this with "when she reince on my priebus til i covfefe" and get 135k likes
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
me, building The Death Machine: i’m worried this machine is going to kill us all you: oh my god you need to- me: well, i better get back to building The Death Machine
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
reading go dog go to my kid to teach him about negging
A dog saying “do you like my hat” and another dog saying “I do not”
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
dont lie to me, linkedin. we both know i am not on a roll on linkedin
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
doctors office texting me like newman
Text that begins Hi BENJAMIN
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
scrutiny heads, we are eating good today
TRENDING:
1. Epstein files scrutiny grows
2. ICE deportations to Iran scrutiny
3. Media scrutiny of Jason Arday plagiarism claims
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 08/08/2026
one night a year when i can have sex? is this a movie or MY MARRIAGE?? *nobody in the theater laughs and i realize i am in a screening of minions and monsters*
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
podcasts really are the perfect medium if you like hearing people ask if they’re allowed to curse
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
wife: they're building a data center next door me: data center? *i smile serenely, imagining my favorite star trek android defending the rim as my tap water begins to run a sludgy brown*
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
My name is Peter Parker. You don't remember me but we used to know each other. Something bad was gonna happen and the only way to stop it was to make everyone forget about me. It wasnt that I shit my pants while I was swinging around. If someone tells you that they’re lying, it was a different thing
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Reposted by Ben Rosen
Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 03/04/2026
hey is anyone hiring
After a nice, long run at Funny Or Die I am now available for work!

- Staff Writer In Your Comedy Room
- Social Media
- Branded Content
- Copywriting
- Bodyguard for your kid like in Drillbit Taylor (2008)

Email me at benrosen88@gmail.com
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
i know votes are still being counted but the more i look at this michigan senate map the more it becomes clear that it kind of looks like a mitten
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
why would a loving god allow jimmy to eat world
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
me: the simpsons have four fingers on each hand so you’d think they’d live in a base 8 society but as far as I can tell there’s no evidence of that in the show my wife: *screaming during labor* the obgyn: hold on i want to hear more about this
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
Wow sources close to LeBron say he signed with Philadelphia to “record a split EP with Kurt Vile” and that the 4x NBA champion has “always been drawn to [his] circular lo-fi riffs” and “laid back vocals”
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
news: thousands sick after eating contaminated iceberg lettuce captain of the titanic: OH I GUESS ITS NOT SO EASY TO SPOT A DANGEROUS ICEBERG NOW IS IT
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
cruise (maintaining intense eye contact and leaning forward to perform active listening): cookies? that’s fantastic, wow
tom cruise with Elmo and Cookie Monster
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
before cameras they used to sculpt your face for your imdb profile picture
Homer's imdb profile
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
odyssey this, odyssey that. some of you fellas odda see a dang therapist
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
ME: basically i’m on the computer all day and i’m not allowed to eat lettuce even if i wanted to 10 YEAR OLD ME: that sounds incredible ME: well not really
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 16/07/2026
my kid asked if he’s punching the whale out of the water
Free Willy poster
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
GOD: and there shall be a profession known as LIFEGUARD ANGEL: to whom will we give this great responsibility of guarding lives? GOD: teenagers ANGEL: ah...so they have their entire lives to devote to it GOD: no just like part time for a summer
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 14/07/2026
my wife always wants me to eat more vegetables. especially since they started carrying the diarrhea parasite
rodney dangerfield
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 13/07/2026
the most effective horror films prey on our collective fear of something really scary happening
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
me trying to remember the name of my wife’s close relative: uhh me trying to remember the name of a first baseman who played for both the arizona diamondbacks and the oakland athletics: erubiel durazo
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Reposted by Ben Rosen
Paul F. Tompkins @pftompkins.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
I’ve thought about this tweet so often I had to go look it up
A 2023 Twitter tweet from Twitter by Ben Rosen on Twitter:

moderator: governor desantis, what do you have for girl dinner
desantis: that's just- to think i would eat a- i'm not even going to answer such a wildly inappropriate question
moderator: vice president pence, same question
pence (too close to mic): saltines and butter

@benrosen.bsky.social
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
the odyssey? buddy you odda see what I did with your mom last night
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
mcconnell returning after weeks with a gigantic BBL
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Reposted by Ben Rosen
danielle weisberg @danielleweisberg.bsky.social · 28/06/2026
there are still some tickets left for my show in person and if you’re not around, there are live stream tickets avail!! You can watch the live stream for up to 7 days after the show at your leisure. Wow. Great deal. ucbcomedy.com/show/one-nig...
Poster for my show ONE NIGHT LATE
WITH DANIELLE WEISBERG

WITH GUESTS
ELENA CREVELLO & CHELSEA DAVISON
VINCENT MARTELLA
AMY SILVERBERG

TUESDAY, JUNE 30TH
7:00PM
UCB FRANKLIN
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 27/06/2026
sorcerer remake about transferring my sleeping baby from the car to his crib
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 16/06/2026
watching frasier on earth 2
a crane that says THE CRANE GUYS
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 14/06/2026
"the point guard" looks nice and the whole team seem to have eaten their spaghetti and meat balls!
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 14/06/2026
they're setting up a stage midcourt so josh and benny safdie can reunite
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 14/06/2026
this is like the super bowl for basketball fans
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 13/06/2026
emily blunt and josh o'connor will return in datclosure day
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 09/06/2026
just got this pretty cool gift out of the blue. sounds like there's stuff inside too, probably more gifts
a big trojan horse promoting the odyssey at the beach
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 07/06/2026
the waiter is coming to refill my water? ok cool time to say thank you like 8 times for some reason
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 01/06/2026
jerry: she took you to the backrooms? george: she took me to the backrooms! jerry: i've only been to the frontrooms george: it's a whole different room jerry! jerry: you ever take a guy to the backrooms, elaine? elaine: he'd need a one wish willow
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 30/05/2026
wait a minute….blart doesn’t rhyme with cop
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 26/05/2026
why is the new google keep logo sammy hagar
Google keep logoSammy Hagar
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 24/05/2026
panel 1: Homer says "Hmm...I don't agree with his minority-hating policy
panel 2: "But I do approve of his Don Jr-hating policy"
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 18/05/2026
at ellis island he changed his name from groguwitz
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 17/05/2026
little giants was directed by the editor of blue velvet and shot by janusz kaminski
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 08/05/2026
hentaivirus? brother i dont see what the problem is
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Ben Rosen @benrosen.bsky.social · 05/05/2026
i’m at the met gala and everyone is just giving their star wars hot takes. anna wintour thinks bossk and dengar are cousins?
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