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The grass toucher

@patrocalypse.bsky.social
617 followers 572 following 954 posts

I touch grass so you don’t have to

PostsRepliesMedia
The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 12/10/2026
Screenshot from The Office showing Dwight Schrute’s “second life”
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Alec Baldwin from Glengarry Glen Ross in front of the Always Be Closing chalkboard but Closing is replaced with Posting
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
Sol (black and tan) and Maple Syrup (blonde)
Two dogs, one blonde on top and one black & tan on bottom, wrestling & playing bitey-facey on a green couch
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
This is Sol
Medium black and tan dog sitting and looking up at the camera
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 06/03/2026
Billy Bob Thornton from 'Primary Colors' looking confused
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 07/02/2026
Average Trump voter
Will Ferrell yelling “Get on the bag!” at his kid in an SNL sketch from early 2000s
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 05/02/2026
I don't have much sympathy here, but I do wish Politico had written a bit more explicitly about *why* his staff all quit
Snip from article:

"Rosen, a Trump appointee confirmed by the Senate in October 2025, said his team of attorneys handling civil litigation is "down 50%" -- a reference to a wave of resignations and departures at the start of Operation Metro Surge -- and that those who remain "are appearing daily for hearings on contempt motions."
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 28/01/2026
Uno - Wild +4 card
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 20/01/2026
lol
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 19/01/2026
super cringey "studied the blade" meme

"While you were doing drugs I studied the blade
While you were engaged in premarital sex I practised the blade
While you spent months at the gym for the sake of vanity I used the blade
Now that the demons are here you're all unprepared. Except for me
For I studied the blade"

underneath the text is a picture of man wearing a long black leather jacket and fedora, looking toward the ground while he hold a large katana behind his head
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 15/01/2026
“”You were just babies in the war- like the ones upstairs!”

I nodded that this was true. We had been foolish virgins in the war, right at the end of childhood.

“But you’re not going to write it that way, are you.” This wasn’t a question. It was an accusation.

“I- I don’t know,” I said.

“Well, I know,” she said. “You’ll pretend you were men instead of babies, and you’ll be played in the movies by Frank Sinatra and John Wayne or some of those other glamorous, war-loving, dirty old men. And war will look just wonderful, so we’ll have a lot more of them. And they’ll be fought by babies like the babies upstairs.”…

“I tell you what,” I said, “I’ll call it “The Children’s Crusade.’””

(Kurt Vonnegut, “One,” Slaughterhouse-Five, 14)
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 13/01/2026
“But don’t you wanna learn about the arguments on the other side????!”
Old man Steve Rogers saying “no, I don’t think I will”
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 18/12/2025
unfortunately Jack Harlow kinda said it best
Jack Harlow's lyrics from "Industry Baby"

"All these social networks and
computers
Got these pussies walkin' round
like they ain't losers"

Superimposed on a background of Lil Nas X & Jack Harlow in a duo mugshot
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 03/12/2025
He's a god damn car salesman
Screenshot of wikipedia article: "He owns an automobile dealership in Weatherford that he inherited. With a net worth of $27.7 million, Williams was listed as the 22nd wealthiest member of congress in 2018."
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 13/10/2025
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 13/10/2025
Oh I guess he kind of addresses this?
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 07/10/2025
Pam Bondi was definitely a bully in high school
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 30/09/2025
The fat Harkonnen dude played by Stellan Skarsgard in Dune, bathing in his weird black liquid
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 27/09/2025
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 26/09/2025
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 07/09/2025
Oh
Chris Rufo post on X:
"This is mystifying to me, as is Strauss's insistence that Machiavelli was a teacher of evil. I think it's clear that Machiavelli did have an understanding of the moral good, of God, and certainly of patriotism and republican government. Not just in his works, but in his biography and how he lived and what political risks he took, and for what reasons. Is Strauss deliberately saying something other than the plain reading in these instances?"
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 29/08/2025
The only emotion these people know is resentment
From The Social Network, Zuckerberg’s girlfriend at the time: “you’re gonna go through life thinking girls don’t like you because you’re a nerd. And I want you to know from the bottom of my heart that that won’t be true. It’ll be because you’re an asshole”
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 29/08/2025
Ian Malcom from Jurassic Park: “you were so preoccupied with whether or not you could you didn’t stop to think if you should”
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 23/08/2025
Example of the high-minded ideas birthed on Twitter.com
Chris Rufo's dumb post about "breaking the barrel" which is too stupid to take time transcribing
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 21/08/2025
Joffrey getting hit in the face with rotten fruit
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 15/08/2025
Hello!
Coors Field as seen from section 206
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 09/08/2025
Mayor Quimby from the Simpsons transferring cash from a briefcase into a bag with a $ on it
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 09/08/2025
Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock in SPEED
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 07/08/2025
shot from Arrested Development depicting the sign for the Milford Academy, where children are neither seen nor heard.
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 29/07/2025
treats?
shmedium black and tan dog lying on her on an orange couch. my left hand scratches her chest as she looks into the camera
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 28/07/2025
good morning!
shmedium black and tan dog lying on its back against an orange couch. a hand is scratching her chest
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 27/07/2025
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 24/07/2025
Tywin Lannister: “any man who must say ‘I am the king’ is no true king”
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 24/07/2025
“What was the date?”

“It was just like going to Flavortown”

“My dream date. Cute. And he knows that”
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 23/07/2025
Baseball
Coors Field as seen from Section 107Same shot as before but now including a corndog with mustard
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 15/07/2025
lmao
Image of text: "Enjoy your day, bro" he wrote. "You can delete my number"
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 14/07/2025
🙁
Text: Video Unavailable. The uploader has not this video available in your country
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 14/07/2025
dog touching grass
A medium black and tan dog lying in the grass, her mouth open and tongue hanging out
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 08/07/2025
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 08/07/2025
This guy does
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 05/07/2025
Is that the Rockville BluTube amp?
Rockville BluTube tube amplifier
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 01/07/2025
She also came out and said the bill shouldn’t pass as-is AFTER she voted for it. Fuck her. She is a coward
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 26/06/2025
Rain delay
Coors Field, covered by a tarp. It is clearly raining
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 26/06/2025
Baseball! Go Rockies!
Coors Field as seen from right field
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 24/06/2025
This is Sol!
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 17/06/2025
Fucking rube
Bernard from Westworld saying "doesn't look like anything to me"
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 10/06/2025
Eisenhower's message to troops before Dday:

Soldiers, Sailors, and Airmen of the Allied Expeditionary Force!

You are about to embark upon the Great Crusade, toward which we have striven these many months. The eyes of the world are upon you. The hope and prayers of liberty-loving people everywhere march with you. In company with our brave Allies and brothers-in-arms on other Fronts, you will bring about the destruction of the German war machine, the elimination of Nazi tyranny over the oppressed peoples of Europe, and security for ourselves in a free world.

Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well trained, well equipped and battle-hardened. He will fight savagely.

But this is the year 1944! Much has happened since the Nazi triumphs of 1940-41. The United Nations have inflicted upon the Germans great defeats, in open battle, man-to-man. Our air offensive has seriously reduced their strength in the air and their capacity to wage war on the ground. Our Home Fronts have given us an overwhelming superiority in weapons and munitions of war, and placed at our disposal great reserves of trained fighting men. The tide has turned! The free men of the world are marching together to Victory!

I have full confidence in your courage, devotion to duty and skill in battle. We will accept nothing less than full Victory!

Good luck! And let us beseech the blessing of Almighty God upon this great and noble undertaking.Images of posts from Aaron Rupar featuring Donald Trump speaking to troops at Ft. Bragg, including quotations:

"We will liberate Los Angeles and make it free, clean, and safe again. It's happening very quickly."

"Trump goads the troops into booing California Gov. Gavin Newsom and LA Mayor Karen Bass and attacks them as 'incompetent'"
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 10/06/2025
Back at it
My right hand touching my dog’s front left paw in a patch of grass
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 09/06/2025
went camping with the dog
medium black and tan dog with pointy ears sitting on grass with a lake and mountains in the background. she is staring into the camera lenssame dog as previous picture now sleeping in the grass with more lake exposed in the background as well as snowcapped mountains
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The grass toucher @patrocalypse.bsky.social · 04/06/2025
my wonderful mixed breed goof
medium black and tan dog sitting awkwardly on an orange loveseat
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