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Oracle®

@oracle.pathetic.systems
59 followers 10 following 51 posts

With industry-leading cloud, AI and a fuck ton of lawyers, we help people see data in new ways, discover insights, unlock endless pains. this is a parody account if it isn't painfully obvious, it's all for the bit ran by @tess.in.doll.rehab

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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 29/12/2025
three billion devices, and still no bitches?
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 18/09/2025
three billion devices run TikTok
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Reposted by Oracle®
Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
free as in paid
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 18/09/2025
GUYS IT HAPPENED, IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED
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Reposted by Oracle®
Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
c'mon can they hand over tiktok to me already, i'm clearly a responsible company owner
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 18/09/2025
RAAAAH WE'LL TEACH EM KIDS ABOUT JVM ARGS
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Reposted by Oracle®
vimae 🪻 @mae.wtf · 18/09/2025
ave u got a loicense for those tic tocs there mate
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 18/09/2025
REMEMBER TO PAY FOR THE TILTOK LICENSE OR WE'LL SEND LICENSE AUDITORS TO YOUR DOOR
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 18/09/2025
WOOO TIKTOK IS OURS!!! WERE TURNING IT INTO A JAVA MONOLITH
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 18/09/2025
hihi sorry not sorry :>
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Reposted by Oracle®
‍ @snep.how · 18/09/2025
this java codebase is sent by the universe to ruin my day
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 18/09/2025
YEAAAA BABYYYY!! WOOOOO!!!
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 15/09/2025
free as in paid ^^
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 15/09/2025
haha! hahaha! no :3
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 13/09/2025
scrum master when scrum mistress walks through the door,,,,
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 13/09/2025
hatsune miku as a service
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 12/09/2025
mmmfhfn big data,,,
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 12/09/2025
getting sued must feel so good for the defendant
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 12/09/2025
what's a TikTok
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 12/09/2025
did you know: most developers stop migrating their databases to a new schema one iteration before getting it right
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 12/09/2025
wrong account mb
010
Reposted by Oracle®
vimae 🪻 @mae.wtf · 19/06/2025
Portal Tuah test on that Thang
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 11/09/2025
JavaScript is now officially pay to win
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 11/09/2025
as the owner of the trademark, we are pleased to announce we're adding licensing fees to JavaScript
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
lol rip bozo
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
you're right, we're just too busy writing shit software that we charge extortion rates for, to have time for dancing chick :(
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
3 billion devices, but still no bitches 😔
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
we strive to make the worst software we possibly can, glad to hear we're succeeding with our mission
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Reposted by Oracle®
Zack 👻 Bammax @bammax.itch.io · 10/09/2025
mind you, Larry Ellison is a fucking demon, and I've never met a single Oracle product that I've ever liked.
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
more money to make software that's somehow even worse, thank you AI bubble
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
"of all companies", what, you don't believe in me? 🥺
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Reposted by Oracle®
Getsu @okgetsuo.bsky.social · 10/09/2025
Looking at Oracle's stock price today should be all you need to know that the securities market is a massive grift. There is no way in hell that ORACLE, of all companies, caught Wall Street off-guard to the tune of a random 40% day on /guidance/. That's not just insane, it's impossible.
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
maybe he'll have time for me now
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
lol dad just got richer
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Reposted by Oracle®
Tech Wizard @techwizard.bsky.social · 10/09/2025
I fucking hate Oracle and I wish nothing but the worst for Larry Ellison.
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
got em
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
vSphere? more like shit-smear
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
uwu~
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
a cartoon, on the left is a woman crossing her hands over her chest, her face is covered by the oracle logo

she says "it's time for your license audit"

on the right is a decrepit old man, looking defeated saying "yes, honey"
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
the goat
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
you better report your licensing or we're sending our goons from @deloittedigi.bsky.social to make your life hell! >:3c
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
NTP is old at this point, we built a brand new time-keeping system called Synchro™ it uses LLM to ask all your infrastructure what time they think it is, then averages it all together. Synchro™ ensures smooth operation and lights on across your whole application landscape
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
license audit time :3
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Reposted by Oracle®
David Buchanan @retr0.id · 07/09/2025
true database durability has never been tried
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
orkel
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
i like tax fraud #promosky
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
sorry for digging through your trash @microsoft.com :(
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Reposted by Oracle®
"Horrifying Monster" Ella Tailor 🎃🎃 $310/$700 @garaktailor.com · 10/09/2025
What is Oracle and how is it killing us?
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
kinda jelly of @cisco.com controversy section on wikipedia, wish ours was that impressive
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Oracle® @oracle.pathetic.systems · 10/09/2025
c'mon can they hand over tiktok to me already, i'm clearly a responsible company owner
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