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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱

@onlinefunctions.bsky.social
728 followers 556 following 7K posts

i post with my heart critical care paramedic, landlord classicide stan, terminally online shitposter "a future is not given to you. it is something you must take for yourself." "at the end of everything, hold on to anything." *no worries*

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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Like memories of pure light.
Mama taking a final bow
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
guy trying to charge one thousand American dollars for the chance to mash "make a Pokemon team for me make it good no hallucinations" into Claude with him personally condemned by the Pope
Top VGC player's podium finish draws ai art backlash 

Pope Leo XIV calls for distinguishing human art from AI creations
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Trump in Chinese military uniform captioned "the bullet pierced my ear, but I can still hear the voice of the Party"
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
rolling up to the stonewall riots like,,
Tibetan Hayagriva with Consort and Retinue
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
double full omelette, call that the omnomelette
Omnomelette
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
finally, the history knower has logged on
Trump posting ai slop of him as a Spartan vs Persia I guess??? It's pretty bizarre I'm in awe tbh
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
I would buy his memecoin
Mega hawlucha
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
man even my kid's tabletop game got dlc these days what the hell
"caverness cave DLC" in the corner of like a map for a ttrpg game made by a 7 year old
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
Present
Vegeta Bad Man
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
Staples knows exactly who is shopping for software in a physical store in 2026
Quicken WillMaker
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 08/08/2026
This is up there with this American Chopper one as a favorite dharma meme (dharmeme)
American Chopper meme template with 
May all beings be happy! 
Yah but what about this guys at the...
May all beings be at ease!
*Dodging thrown chair* okay I get it by maybe some people just don't deserve to...
May all beings be free!!
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
Rise up, seize the means of production and attack the day with enthusiasm! There's a dolphin in the style of Lisa Frank
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
believe it or not, there's options
Peach Garden stadium Peach gardens Mario kart course
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 14/07/2026
me at 2:12am going back for more dragon treasure
A dragon on an elaborate rug turning towards a dragon treasure
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 13/07/2026
who up tryna live deliciously??
A black goat looking out from the barn
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
And you know what folks? Storms are impermanent. They're impermanent. No one has ever seen a storm that's permanent. Maybe Joe Biden thinks they're permanent. They're impermanent. They're composite phenomena. Lots of parts. Rain. Wind. Lightning. Thunder. Sometimes some other stuff.
The Trump Buddha statue
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
Me and my blooski mutuals
Key art from Amazing Cultivation Simulator, immortals play Go surrounded by dragons, yaoguai, and so on
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
You would have to be a real lowlife piece of shit to be proud to be an American
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
you'd have to be a real lowlife piece of shit to be proud to be an American
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
posting the evergreen post
Are clowns patriotic? 
Are you? 
I'm asking the questions here. Would a crown die for its country?
Everyone who has ever died for their country was a clown.
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
Post a random picture or else everything will go bad in July.
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 22/06/2026
mega staraptor has Karen hair. this is the last thing a lot of shift supervisors and low level managers ever see.
Mega Staraptor
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 20/06/2026
Shantideva really said "don't farm aura"
Do not, acting inconsiderately, move chairs and furniture so noisily around. Likewise do not open doors with violence. Take pleasure in the practice of humility.
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 20/06/2026
Skeledirge just carried me to masterball in Pokemon Champions. Monoghost stays winning! #pokemonvgc #pokemonchampions
Masterball Rank 4 with a 5 win streakIt's the team preview I ain't type it all but it's scarf Basc, mental herb skele, sitrus sinistcha, lefties ape, white herb dengo, and meta lass
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 16/06/2026
I mean, I was cancelling my service, I'm not sure what you want from me here The phone call went great in that my service is now cancelled so I guess I would 10/10 recommend Xfinity as a service to cancel
Xfinity asking for feedback on my most recent experience with them, which was cancelling my service
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 11/06/2026
this is the kind of shit that I have a hard time believing they did on purpose if I introduced a villain like this at a d&d table everyone would be groaning at my bullshit
A poster on the bird app: "When I pointed out that the baby's name is HH, a commenter also noted that "Hawthorne Hayes" is 14 letters.

Re the Stephen Miller baby
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 06/06/2026
If you selected a previously existing dinosaur you lack the spirit of an adventurer Allosaurus parts were OP that's the main thing I remember
Designasaurus study guide
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 06/06/2026
This shit slapped fr tho Love how the cover communicates more or less only "there are dinosaurs" Cover art was built different back then
Designasaurus
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 01/06/2026
okay so like the first thing is the adult features with child proportions is extremely uncanny but the main thing is, my guy, what do you mean you don't understand why it makes you feel feelings? It's the Apotheosis of your company's craft, an image created to evoke feelings
Digital ai avatar Sam who looks like a bishy boy but with more adult features like an incredibly strong jaw etc

There's a ton of text too with a guy who loves this thing as his own child and is falling for his own grim magics by ascribing it emotions
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 17/05/2026
How can you expect people to know the contents of their citations, when it's impossible to know anything at all????
A twitter guy for arxiv says they'll ban people if they submit things that are unchecked results of LLM generation

Another expresses shock that they would be expected to know that all of their citations are real and accurate.
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 17/05/2026
pick a Bond from the photos you already have on your phone
Winston Wolf, Pulp Fiction
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 17/05/2026
Lmao Trump says "Chinese Taipei." All my posting enemies, humiliated. China watchers everywhere absolutely destroying their keyboards right now. CIA careers ending with a soundbyte. Everything under heaven is in chaos lmao
Trump says "Taiwan was developed because we had presidents that didn't know what the hell they were doing."
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 15/05/2026
What kind of things do you think are on the Mutiny on the Bounty tie-in Whopper? I can't keep track of these cross promotions
Burger King Try Our New Bounty Whopper
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 06/05/2026
Who's your favorite Jedi? (Wrong answers only)
Mathangi ten Meti, "Murder the Gods and Topple their Thrones," from Kill Six Billion Demons.
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 02/05/2026
cannot believe they doxxed me like this
Fresh Idiot (kinki) $4.50/lb
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 01/05/2026
*trying to argue why chubas, sarongs, etc are actually better, more practical clothing for men*
Why we need the presidential ballroom
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 28/04/2026
just scored this original mst3k test footage in an auction, can't wait to check it out, looks like some italian romcom idk must not have been very good since they never released it???
mst3k logo over SALO, OU LES 120 JOURNEI DE SODOME
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 28/04/2026
The classics
The Kingdom of Conscience will be exactly as it is now. Moralists don't really *have* beliefs. Sometimes they stumble on one, like a child's toy left on the carpet. The toy must be put away immediately. And the child reprimanded.
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 26/04/2026
Trump and retinue looking at a phoneDick butt
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
Post a meme made by you
Hesitate and you lose - John Sekiro
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 21/04/2026
we did it fam, monoghost to MB, I have used zero non ghost Pokemons in Pokemon Champions, not one
MB with a pretty lame rank but all ghosts Scarf Basc, White Herb Ceruledge, Sitrus Sinistcha, Lefties Aegislash, Dragapult The Goat with sash and disable, and Froslass.
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 18/04/2026
okay v luxurious but like the one bathroom feature I don't want to be spacious is this one
Bathroom stalls but very far apart like several feet
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 14/04/2026
If you see this, post something you saved because it's funny.
Boomhauer in front of the wheel of samsara, saying "yeah, man, tell ya what, man, that dang ol samsara, man, you just go around and dadgum around, talk about forming dang ol attachments. I meh, you got yourself hung up on dukkha, man; I'm talking about dang ol hungry ghosts, man"
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 13/04/2026
incredible, this thing is a pain in the ass to get
Cypress Stick: a stick made of cypress wood. Can hardly be called a weapon, but somehow grants courage to its user.
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 03/04/2026
I feel like they do this every year Every year they kill Jesus and then he just pops back up in 3 days Like the divine version of this guy
A bozo punchclown that pops back up I have no idea how to describe this thing I just got off my 24 hour shift and haven't slept yet leave me alone
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 01/04/2026
The big tell there was
Deepthink "Thought for 188 seconds"
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 29/03/2026
Trans friendly EMS room let's goooo
White monster energy drinks in the EMS room
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 21/03/2026
damn now foreign affairs says it's their fault for *not* getting a nuke, can't win for losing with these guys
Foreign affairs

Although it was the United States and Israel that instigated attacks on Iran on February 28, leaders in Tehran deserve some of the blame for failing to effectively deter their adversaries.
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open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱 @onlinefunctions.bsky.social · 13/03/2026
my boss when I tell them I'm not available to pick up an extra shift
Iranian spokesman, "your 'technical malfunctions,' 'mild brain injuries,' and 'friendly fire incidents' have been piling up"
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