OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 13hThe year is 2029, democrats are applauding the first AI Sexbot capable of passing the Bechdel Test. The year is 2034, democrats reluctantly allow a Jeffrey Epstein statue to be erected on capital hill in exchange for a vote to study the potential harm of legalized child labor over the next 40 years 111
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 13hSorry southerners but In-n-Out is still undefeated in the category of “just ok regional burger chains” 030
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 13hCan officially cross “Eat at Whataburger” off my bucket list. Next item up, “Re-evaluate bucket list” 030
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 29/09/2026The most obvious clickbait article you’ve ever seen: “Barack Obama is inside your house right now! He’s touching all the cheese in your fridge!” My parents: [forwarding it to the entire family chat] “this is unacceptable! How can anyone be a Democrat these days!?” 030
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 29/09/2026Judge: “did you complete your court mandated anger management?” Me, standing at the defense bench wearing a fur suit: “so, ok. What happened was, I THOUGHT I signed up for a ‘Fury’ convention, but actually…” 111
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 28/09/2026A cartoon of two sad scientists sitting at a bar counter. One says to the other, “My research biologist told me she’s been faking her organisms.” There. Pay up, New Yorker. 041
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Let that be a lesson to you posters just starting out. You never know which one is gonna put you on the map so just keep skeet’n. 0131
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 27/09/2026I’m going to a Muslim wedding next week and I’m really excited to- wait, George Bush, Barack Obama, and Donald Trump can’t see this, can they? 1203
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 27/09/2026It’s fun to see Taylor Swift fans experiencing the Gen Z equivalent of hard rock fans in the 70s when their favorite artists got clean & sober. And also what alt rock fans in the 90s experienced when their favorite artists converted to Christian rock. 020
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 23/09/2026The moral of “Hunchback of Notre Dame” is sometimes you should fuck a weird little freak because it makes shitty people mad. 092
Reposted by OGfattcattgwen 🌶️👹 @gwenpepperoni.myatproto.social · 16/09/2026ed sheeran is lifting the bestiality ban for supporting acts. 62424417
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 17/09/2026I’m going to start my own social media site built around the sole premise that trans people can be as mean as they want. Also no character limit on mean trans posts. 051
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 17/09/2026The year 2034. Doctor: “before I provide your biopsy results I legally have to read… [weary sigh] just… St. Mary’s Hospital is proud to be sponsored by DraftKings, offering patients 4:1 odds on their diagnosis predictions. Just choose terminal or non-terminal for your chance to win up to $50,000…” 022
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 17/09/2026Acclimating toward becoming a “comfortable getting fully naked in the gym locker room” guy by counting the guys who have worse looking asses than me. The ratio hasn’t quite shifted in my favor yet, but it’s certainly trending that way… 010
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 16/09/2026I’m in favor of sports bans. Not the transgender ones, I mean literally just banning entire sports. Swimming? pointless. We live on land. Golf? boring. It’s not a sport if you need to tuck in your shirt. Pole vaulting? What are you even doing? Get a fuckin job, dipshit. 0328
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 16/09/2026Being interrogated by the FBI Agent: “listen, you’re in deep shit. It’s only a matter of time before our agents uncover the truth so this is your ONE chance to… what? Why are you looking at me like that?” Me: “are you… one of the… y’know… one of the beastiality ones?” Agent: “god damn it…” 05015
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 11/09/2026How to sell transition surgery to the right: Ok, pretend my body is a Jeffrey Epstein flight log - and my penis is Donald Trumps name. Now Donald Trump’s name is for sure on this flight log, BUT… wouldn’t it be neat if there was a way we could remove it and just act like it was never there at all? 011
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 10/09/2026History: “it’s super easy. If you wanna win, just make sure everyone gets rights.” Dems: “Yep. Except Palestinians” History: “no… Everyone.” Dems: “Riiight… everyone but trans people.” History: “no!” Dems: “sorry, trans ATHLETES, I mean.” History: “Damn it! This is why you keep getting Nazis!” 051
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 10/09/2026Progressive Democrat running a flawless campaign, mere inches from a historic landslide victory: “hmm… I wonder what would happen if I…” *throws trans people under the bus for no apparent reason, careening their campaign to an ugly screeching halt* “Oh wow, well damn, fuck the Left, I guess…” 011
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 10/09/2026Schrödinger’s Catfish is a thought experiment that posits any hot girl you’re DMing online is in a superposition of both hot girl and creepy old dude until you meet irl and discover they are, in fact, a creepy old dude. 100
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 10/09/2026Trump is polling way ahead in the “documented severe brain injury” crowd. Just unprecedented numbers… 000
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 08/09/2026I was hired by the founders of a small rehab to make them a legitimate player in the local market. Over 3 years I raised this tiny by coaching and investing in our little rag tag staff. As of today we’re seen as the #1 threat to to business by the big corporate competitors in our area 110
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 05/09/2026They should make a social media app where before you can friend someone you have to shitpost battle them and then and catch them in the Bluesky equivalent of a pokeball. 120
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 02/09/2026Me: “heck yeah, ate good today, high protein, low sugar, all organic. Crushed my workout, kept hydrated. Sticking to my health commitments!” Body: “proud of you, man! We should get 26 donuts to celebrate!” 010
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 02/09/2026Today I pissed a pair of pants I wasn’t even wearing. Let’s see Harry Potter do that… 000
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 31/08/2026Sitting on my hand on the plane ride to Dallas so when I get to my hotel I can give myself a Walker Texas Stranger. 000
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 29/08/2026I have to go to a bachelor party for my BIL and his friends that I don’t know. I’m not good at conversing with strange men. Here’s my list of ice breaker topics so far: -Sydney Sweeney: Worth It? - Would you eat a person if you had to? - Ways my body is failing me - Communism - What % gay are you? 130
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 29/08/2026Ope. They Milkshake Ducked the Minneapolis Spider-Man… Wow that was an extremely internet sentence… 000
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 27/08/2026Ok, welcome to the Empire. Your job is going to be Walker Pilot… No not the super cool AT-ATs… Yeah the AT-ST’s are pretty cool to but you’re actually gonna be in an AT-RT… It’s the one that’s literally just legs with an open cockpit and tiny gun… Yeah it’s super dumb, idk why we have them 040
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 24/08/2026J Jonah Jamison looking at the photo of Spider-Man beating up Jake Lang; “…we’re gonna let this one go.” 010
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 24/08/2026The concept of last words is extremely stressful for me - not the part about saying something profound and memorable, I’m pretty confident I could do that - no, for me it’s the timing. Imagine you say your wise, haunting thing but then you pull through & live a few more days. Super awkward. 000
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 22/08/2026*placing an entire leg of Iberico ham on the deli counter* Clerk, nervously eyeing a photo of me behind the counter: “uh… I’m… I’m supposed to ask you if you’re planning to eat this alone or...” Me: *silently slides him cash* Clerk: “bc for one person the salt level is...” Me: *slides more cash* 030
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 21/08/2026Been getting into Dense Bean Salads lately. Yeah. Doin a lot of fartin. At work mostly. In coworkers offices. At the bank once or twice. Y’know, just around. You down with the DBS life? 130
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 21/08/2026Oh yeah? Well can AI do THIS? *gets publicly and embarrassingly shot down by the first girl I ever asked out in 9th grade, sparking an inferiority complex that endures well into my late 30s, which I channel into wacky humor in a thinly-veiled & emotionally-stunted need to be liked by strangers* 031
Reposted by OGfattcattalexis simpson @amutepiggy.bsky.social · 17/08/2026enjoy Beeeef (meat made of bees) 1011418
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 16/08/2026They should make a bonsai tree you can grow in like an hour and a half 000
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 15/08/2026Me, dying of salmonella, giddy about saving $16 by eating very spoiled leftovers instead of going out to eat.static.klipy.comThe Simpsons: Homer and Marge by Trash CanALT: The Simpsons: Homer and Marge by Trash Can 000
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 15/08/2026Joe Rogan’s entire job is just being surprised by obvious shit that other people tell him. 000
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 14/08/2026Idk who needs to hear this but: “They are NOT mad at you. You are misrepresenting this in your mind. They are, in fact, FURIOUS with you, and frankly, they have every right to be… What you did was bad. You’re a bad person and you deserve every bad thing that is 100% going to happen to you now.” 011
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 10/08/2026“It was almost frightening. Absolutely wild. There was the soda bottle thing, and the child was there - and I remember there were about 4 of us standing around in bathrobes… Jeffrey Epstein was there, he will back me up in this, someone call my good friend Jeffr-“ *aids rush him from the room* 031
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 10/08/2026Training the new theater intern: “oh and hey, there’s this ugly guy who kind of lives here… he messes with shit and plays random organ stings sometimes, - huge tool. Anyway, management is gonna say try to catch him if you see him but we don’t even get dental so we spread rumors he’s really a ghost” 111
OGfattcatt @ogfattcatt.bsky.social · 08/08/2026You know what? Next time I take a big shit, I’m gonna run around like a lunatic for a few minutes afterwards. Maybe these animals are onto something we forgot about somewhere in our evolution. Maybe we’re missing out… 020