Needles @needles.bsky.social · 28/09/2026Nothing like being in a bar in Philly when the Cowboys lose like that 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Joshingly calling the zoo gorilla “banana breath” only to discover he knows just enough sign language to tell his handlers I’m racist 010
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 26/09/2026My greatest fear is someone discovering I’m susceptible to fire damage 010
Reposted by NeedlesThe Alternate Historian @althistorian.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Happy Stanislav Petrov Day. Today we celebrate the life of a man who saved billions by not believing a computer. May we all learn this valuable lesson. 215067
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 25/09/2026*like Girlfriend in a Coma* Cell phone in the toilet, I know, I know, it’s serious 110
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 21/09/2026You people laugh now but just wait until I sit upon my throne of Belarusian Potash 021
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 20/09/2026One of the neat things about being an American in 2026 is when, unprompted, you start getting tons of ads that say "We are your local government, just letting you know the water is totally safe to drink. No worries! OK, thanks!" 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 19/09/2026Just heard someone refer to a gas station as “the gasoline store.” 110
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 15/09/2026*referee touches the mic button on his belt* “(echoing) My best friend is the football” 022
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 14/09/2026My #1 fitness tip is to turn your down time into Kegel time 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 13/09/2026A "working class movie" is any movie where the characters get around by working one of those railroad handcart things with the levers 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 13/09/2026I’ve shot an entire 92 minute film on my car’s backup camera. Does anyone know how to edit out those red/yellow/green parking guides? 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 12/09/2026All the trucks at Arby’s are lifted or dropped. None of them are at the regular height 010
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 11/09/2026It'd be way cooler if we weren't able to forecast solar eclipses and they just happened 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 10/09/2026They should change the name of Red Delicious apples to Red Dangerous to give it some well deserved allure 010
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 06/09/2026Car guys fucking love it when their car sounds like shit. Popping, grinding, squealing, they can’t get enough 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 05/09/2026I think some poor girl is having her Quinceañera at the Costco food court 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 05/09/2026(Sam Elliott voice) At the dentists office they told me I was a mighty brave young man. Now I reckon that don’t hold much water ‘round these parts, but where I’m from the measure of a man is how tall he stands in the face of adversity 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 02/09/2026Is this why my iOS needed 30 minutes to update this morning? 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 02/09/2026Absolute War of the Worlds shit happening outside right now. Constant lightning in every direction 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 02/09/2026This is the most “Florida” lightning I’ve seen in Pennsylvania 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 02/09/2026This all-AI TV channel seems exclusively designed for the muted TV at a laundromat 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 31/08/2026It’s working too. Haven’t come across anyone named “Gord” in months 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 30/08/2026If Trump was truly clever instead of the lake bullshit, he’d start renaming other people 020
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 30/08/2026Every time I played Ecco the Dolphin I would think “But does he want to fuck chicks?” 010
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 29/08/2026This fallen tree has been blocking the Manayunk Towpath trail for so long now it has a Kest Gak sticker on it 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 29/08/2026I come from an alternate reality where the 1991 film Nothing But Trouble became the highest grossing film in history. There isn’t a single person on Earth who doesn’t know who these two are 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 27/08/2026Honestly just let him do this shit. It’s just a Fisher-Price Busy Box to keep him from wrecking things that matter 010
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 24/08/2026The hot girl running the register asked if I wanted my receipt and I said “no” so she’d know that I was a rebel 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 22/08/2026Don’t tell me that my vacuum cleaner needs a firmware update. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 22/08/2026“Are you here with your wife?” —Oh yes, she’s outside right now, she’s being charged with vehicular manslaughter 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 21/08/2026Just had a chance to shout "I ain't got no fiddy-two Euros" over the phone and it felt right somehow 010
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 18/08/2026Something brought up Drive My Car earlier and I've been thinking about how I wish I could write in that Murakami style where nothing happens in a way that everything does 010
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 17/08/2026Used over 90% of my missiles on my neighbor’s loud-ass dogs 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 17/08/2026Drive My Car because it’s technically around 40 minutes long 031
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 17/08/2026Are there any other deformed raccoons we can get a gander at now? 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 15/08/2026Driving the NJ Turnpike is great because you get to see billboards for six different competing Vodka-infused Sports Drinks 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 15/08/2026It’s Friday night so I’m subjecting myself to mockery from THE TEENS 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 14/08/2026People always ask me "How can I cheat at Scrabble?" I figure the best way would be to hide some extra tiles on your person to help form more complex words when your opponent's attention is elsewhere 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 14/08/2026Learned I’m going to be “Mic’d Up” the next time I take a shower. Be sure to tune in 000
Needles @needles.bsky.social · 09/08/2026Watching this British police procedural from the 80s called Wot’s All This Then? 000
