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Monkey Bullets

@monkeybullets.bsky.social
44 followers 53 following 22 posts

the world's dumbest cash grab

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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 19/05/2025
Relevant again, probably. monkeybullets.substack.com/p/money-baby
monkeybullets.substack.com
MONEY BABY
In a world where money buys youth, unchecked ultrawealth has unintended consequences.
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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 05/04/2025
Check out the latest chapter in Monkey Bullets’ Elon Musk biography. open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
open.substack.com
MONEY BABY
In a world where money buys youth, unchecked ultrawealth has unintended consequences.
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Reposted by Monkey Bullets
Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 10/02/2025
Seeing a lot of "if the liberals are mad we must be doing something right" shit lately, and I can't stress enough how fucking stupid it is. monkeybullets.substack.com/p/why-are-th...
monkeybullets.substack.com
Why are the Liberals so Upset I Burned Down that Orphanage, Huh?
I’ll tell ya, there’s nothing sweeter than liberal tears.
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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 25/01/2025
In today’s Flash Fiction the News, a dad measures his son’s erections and convinces himself he’ll never die open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
open.substack.com
Flash Fiction the News: Death Defying Erection Dad
On mortality and the penis.
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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 21/01/2025
Seems like a good day to talk about how much money it would take to literally crush your skull, for some reason. open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
open.substack.com
How Much Money Does it Take to Kill You?
A short mathematical exercise.
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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 07/01/2025
On today's Flash Fiction the News, people buy nuclear bunkers even though experts say they're useless. monkeybullets.substack.com/p/flash-fict...
monkeybullets.substack.com
Flash Fiction the News: Dream Home Fallout Shelter
Delusion, while supplies last.
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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 31/12/2024
On today’s Flash Fiction the News, we get an inside view of what it’s like to be the world’s saddest tweeter. open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
open.substack.com
Flash Fiction the News: Billionaire Twitter War
Rage and loneliness in Austin, Texas.
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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 24/12/2024
She only remembered that she was important. open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
open.substack.com
Flash Fiction the News: Secret Congressional Dementia
The halls of power run through an assisted living facility.
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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 20/12/2024
Exactly! That's why Universal Pictures should stop trying to sue more for charging people to watch Jaws in my swimming pool. I spent $40k on the pool! What was that for if I can't show Jaws!?
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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 20/12/2024
What is the ROI on joy again? monkeybullets.substack.com/p/santas-wor...
monkeybullets.substack.com
Santa’s Workshop is Now An Amazon Subsidiary
It's Christmas, optimized.
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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 14/12/2024
Someone send that joke to him, quick
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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 14/12/2024
For the right price I’ll polish your jokes and ideas all night baby
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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 13/12/2024
The new Hangover movie looks kinda sad...
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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 12/12/2024
People say I run a blood-soaked weapons company but in reality I am just connecting people with tomahawk missiles. I am a hero and the work I do is justified. Growth please.
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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 12/12/2024
For a cool $2k I’ll promote the shit out of it for you.
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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 10/12/2024
I'm outraged
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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 10/12/2024
Well maybe it's their birthdays
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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 10/12/2024
"Let’s be real, who among us hasn’t been right on edge of tipsy and decided “fuck it, if I just roll down the windows and blast some Judas Priest, stick to the back roads, and only oversee a few covert amphibious operations, I’ll be just fine.”" open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
open.substack.com
Tips for How to Drink and Run the DoD Responsibly
Drink water between nuclear strikes.
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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 10/12/2024
No
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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 09/12/2024
I think it's actually okay to be in charge of the military drunk as long as you roll down all the windows and blast some Judas Priest.
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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 05/12/2024
" Who felt the weight of his strength? What sounds of suffering did he call “noise?” Who received and did not receive his love? Stop asking questions. Lester is your totem. He is your myth to make real. You are him and he is you." monkeybullets.substack.com/p/the-battle...
monkeybullets.substack.com
The Battle of Maddox Bridge
Reflections on a war we never should have fought.
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Reposted by Monkey Bullets
American Loser @americanlosers.bsky.social · 05/12/2024
Today's Loser: OpenAI medium.com/american-los...
medium.com
Advertising Means ChatGPT is Dead, Not the Other Way Around.
ChatGPT was suppose to kill the ad industry, now the ad industry is killing it.
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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 03/12/2024
Isn't the con just so fucking obvious? 1.) Republicans run up the debt $8.4 tril (tax cuts for billionaires, baby) 2.) Let (yes, LET) democrats take over so it seems like they own the debt. 3.) Get back into power. 4.) Clutch pearls, fan face. 5.) Cut our most vital social programs.
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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 02/12/2024
“Whatchu think?” He broke the long silence. “I think we create chaos just so we can find the meaning in it.” open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
open.substack.com
The Last Town in the Wild West.
An end of the world love story.
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