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jab lung

@mobute.bsky.social
75K followers 1.2K following 14K posts

Need a content writer? Award-winning columnist seen in Truthdig, Nation, Guardian, Rolling Stone, NBC, TNR. Host of the "It's Christmastown" Hallmark movies podcast with David Roth & "Quaid in Full" with Sarah Bunting. He/Him. Fl. linktr.ee/mobute

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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
The Elusive Panther—hello.
A screenshot of a Wikipedia page, with a picture of a young woman. It reads [slightly edited for here]:

"Laysat Tangieva (1920 - 2005) was an Ingush communist party worker turned abrek who became a sniper against the NKVD after being asked to assist in the deportation and exile of her people.

While hiding in the Caucasus Mountains from 1944 to 1957, the period of her nation's exile, she targeted and killed multiple Chekists in revenge for their attack on Vainakh people, having been previously trained in sharpshooting with the Komsomol before the decree declaring Ingush people official enemies of the state.

In addition to her abrek activities she was the first woman to summit Mt. Elbrus, doing so with her husband Akhmedkhan in 1939. Upon the end of her exile period, she ceased her abrek activities and crossed into the Georgian SSR via the mountains, where she lived until returning to her native Ingushetia when she was elderly."
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
lighting a mup in remembrance
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
this was his faculty advisor, btw, all the guys who graduate stanford get mouth like that
Professor Rubbermouth, seen here visiting the home of the Simpsons, Springfield: City on the GROW. Professor Rubbermouth is seen here in black-and-white 1950s newsreel footage, with a faculty gown, shirt and tie, spectacles and mortarboard. Also he has the 5, 1, two stripes and one more remaining solid (possibly the 7) arrayed horizontally in his mouth in a freakish five-ball grin.
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
That magical moment when the theater lights dim, and we sit together in the dark and hear who can't chew with their goddamn mouth closed.
Nicole Kidman's head in a theater, processing a wave of light into yellow and red, like the Dark Side of the Moon prism, except for movies, and it's her head.
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
I got you
A picture of John Calvin next to the words:
• out indefinitely 
• mononucleosis
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
it works
A picture of John Calvin next to the words:
Real
Comfortable
Jeans
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
"It shoots through schools."
A Rotten Tomatoes screenshot of young Michael Keaton in a fedora behind the name "Johnny Dangerously" (an adverb), which only got a 44 percent critics rating.
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
coming into the room at the wrong time and mistaking this "tinker tailor" show for something with clown horror
A man standing in a cemetery, by a big family crypt with a lion on it. He's wearing the first ever issued Members Only jacket, and we can look over his shoulder and see he is reading something. The subtitled voiceover reading the text is saying, "Lawrence, I fear for the safety of anyone employed by the Circus."
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
God refuses to say let go of the Todd Bowl.
A precipitation map of Tampa, showing a yellow blob of heavy thunderstorms moving
Toward the stadium.
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
it was just this guy or flo
Peyton Manning standing in a front yard, by an open moving truck. There's a guy in the truck looking at him with surprise while another man, whom Peyton is touching on a shoulder, looks like he's about to hoist the box he's carrying into the truck. Superimposed on the image, in white non-serifed text, are words matching the voiceover from this commercial: "new piano: $3000."
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
the simpsons' black policeman, lou, an expression of concern on his face, leans forward and puts a comforting hand on the back of his white partner eddie, who has his hand on an open doorway as he leans over, his other hand covering his mouth and stifling his urge to vomit
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
An account named "Fruit and Bug Administration" @Waxwing.bsky.social posting a screencap reading: "If you'd like to learn more about how we got out of our home full of toxic mold and learn how to confidently navigate mold yourself, comment 'MOLD'" followed by an emoji hand pointing downA screenshot of a post from the account "Suer with this avatar just got blocked" @avijustgotblocked.bsky.social, I think. Anyway, it's a picture of a guy in black vinyl pants, vest and opera gloves with a giant black gas mask, kneeling in front of what looks like a cubicle partition
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Anybody order a Love Burger? Well, don't expect to see them on the Ed Sheeran tour, as Breckin, Donald and the rest of the band have announced that proceeds from their latest cover of "Paradise City" will be donated to food aid for Palestine.
it's the yellow and orange all-caps shadowed lettering you get on outdoor menus at hot dog places, just trust me, reading "LOVEBÜRGER"
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
mr. burns, in his standard blue suit and tie, in black and white, arms and legs splayed wide, flying through the air through parted windows, seeming to hover over someone waiting on the bed below
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
my dad sends my poems out of the blue sometimes, although he doesn't know it. this one came with this link
A screenshot of a text message. It reads:

I think it was 1970 that I hitched a ride with my dad who was flying to Jeddah. I asked the Aramco exec on the plane why he booked the flight and said, "We are going to create a new city." 

I asked him, “What is there now?”

His response,  “Nothing. Nobody is there. We are going to create a city of 500,000 people.”

Yanbu.
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
an editorial-cartoon style image of standard desktop monitor from the 2000s labeled "internet" and a troll looking at it and saying "hi, i'm...er...a normal person."
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
topless yoda in a tiny pair of briefs, arms up, locked behind his head, showing off his yoda rack
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
the space program
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
They took his hair, Tommy.
trump coming off a plane, face tucked ruefully down in his jowls and glistening with the usual filet-o-fish sheen, wearing his hair in a way that appears to be sideways, like someone forgot to turn it the final quarter turn before installing it, and also it's a shade darker like someone grabbed the walnut finish and not the ashthe corpse of rug daniels from miller's crossing, propped up against a brick wall in a suit and dress shirt with a conspicuous stain from a bullet hole, his toupee askew on his head
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
bye, seth moulton
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
i always love it when sports surprise the people who play them and there's just a moment when you can see the kid wide-eyed and peeking through years of seeing everything
Orioles pitcher Andrew Kittredge, with a full salt-and-pepper beard that seems almost Trojan-helmet shaped like James Harden, stands in astonishment on the mound, having just seen his teammate win the game by stealing a winning home-run at the wall. In the left panel, his arms are locked at his sides, and his mouth is open in a stunned and delighted O, and in the right panel his arms are starting to raise, and he wears an expression of unexpected delight, like he couldn't have kept it off his face if he tried.
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
Welcome to Bluesky. Please familiarize yourself with the following accounts to understand the range of opinions it is acceptable to express.
a picture of a bottle of frog-tech bulk gainer followed by five photos of success stories of frog-tech bulk gainer at different stops along their transformation to 100% swole frog. maximize your amphibious gains today with frog tech
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
Future historians will value what they reveal about Oval Office maneuvering to outflank Hegseth and Miller, but each Natalie Harp letter is somehow worse than the last.
An image watermarked "DAILY BEAST" that reads: "I LIKE KILLING PEOPLE BECAUSE IT IS SO MUCH FUN IT IS MORE FUN THAN KILLING WILD GAME IN THE FORREST BECAUSE MAN IS THE MOST DANGEROUS ANIMAL OF ALL TO KILL SOMETHING GIVES ME THE MOST THRILLING EXPERENCE IT IS EVEN BETTER THAN GETTING YOUR ROCKS OFF WITH A GIRL THE BEST PART OF IT IS THAT WHEN I DIE I WILL BE REBORN IN PARADICE AND ALL THE I HAVE KILLED WILL BECOME MY SLAVES I WILL NOT GIVE YOU MY NAME BECAUSE YOU WILL TRY TO SLOW DOWN OR STOP MY COLLECTING OF SLAVES FOR MY AFTERLIFE EBEORIETEMETHHPITI."
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
what else is left for those who have finally achieved watching stone cold?
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
i want to thank @jessehawken.bsky.social for encouraging me to finally get around to spending time with the 1991 brian bosworth vehicle Stone Cold and its hauntingly accurate depiction of the drive from mississippi to pensacola
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
A post from the Atlantic's Twitter feed, reading, "In one evening, Chris Jones lost his wife and his best friend; he would soon lose his home, half his money, and some equal measure of time with his children. Nearly 10 years later, he reflects on the longest night of his life—and what it took to rebuild it:
Show more."
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
I said what I said.
homer simpson in a fraudulent memory , where he is sitting upright, with a sanguine expression and enormous biceps. to the right of him is a citizen of springfield, and to the left is a large bipedal alligator in a brown suit and bowtie, and a baby sitting upright on its own in a diaper with an enormous 19th century beard with flaring moustaches
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 08/08/2026
the "now that's what I call music" generator. the big text, top and bottom, reads, "Gangsta" and "Checkin'," respectively. The middle text reads "homie what set u from"
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 08/08/2026
it's the end of the muppet version of a christmas carol, where the scared-straight scrooge pokes his head out the window and is all hey kid what day is it, and he's like it's christmas you old bastard, and scrooge is all thank god i'm still in time, only this is michael caine as scrooge leaning out and shouting down at some very very cute and very felt vermin but still vermin, i'm just gonna call it like i see it here, straight-shooter, from the hip, anyway, instead of the normal exchange, scrooge is saying, "You, boy! Is there new pornography today?" And in the next panel, the rat is shouting back, "Every day, sir!" And then last panel is Scrooge looking extremely relieved. Beatific even. Thank you.
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
it's one of the BIG DOGS from BIG DOGS sportswear and t-shirts. The big dog is wearing a red tee and jorts and is kicked back in a hammock in front of a background of a lakeshore and a dock. Above him, in three lines arched across the top of the picture are the words:
I'm
Struggling
BRO
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
A still from Futurama: Pauly Shore, in the year 3003 or 3004 or something, naked lying on a bed, covering his groin and looking like he's about to sit up, saying, "I resolved to freeze The Weasel."Fry, in a white lab coat and futuristic shirt, ecstatic with glee, saying, "The Weasel!"
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 03/08/2026
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
trump is fine. his staff simply covers his hands with putty to hide their violet hickeys where this entity feeds, which is fine. it comes in the form of a beautiful woman, which is fine, although he must sleep in public to engage it in battle, which is fine
a horrific gray-green figure with a mane of thinning white cotton-candy hair, two hollowed reddish eyes ringed by two deep folds and above a noseless layer of more folds and then a wide bass-like mouth, but with rings of needle-like fangs. it's the monster alien from the star trek original series episode the man trap
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
A strip from Bloom County. Oliver Wendell Jones, a child genius, tells Milo, a child journalist, that he's hacked into the New York Times story file. Milo asks if they've composed tomorrow's front page headline, and Oliver replies, "Uh...Yes. Right here: 'Reagan Calls Women "America's Most Valuable Resource".'" In the third panel, Milo has commandeered the keyboard and says, "No no no. Too wordy. Let's just tighten that baby up a bit." The final panel reveals the front page of the New York Times with its new headline: "Reagan Calls Women 'America's Little Dumplins.'"
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
they just put this guy on tv
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
it's Milhouse from the Simpsons, dressed like Fallout Boy, mask and cape and everything, next to Radioactive Man, taller but also in cape. Instead of "Jiminy jillikers," he says, simply, "Jimothy..." It is enough. The wind caught it. The goggles do nothing.
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
It's the anime robo flamenco dude or whatever from the "all your base" video with the subtitle, " CATS: HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN !!"
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
it's the gadsden "don't tread on me" flag, except it reads "NOTHING MOVES THE BLOB"
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 02/07/2026
www.truthdig.com/articles/don...
A screenshot from the linked article:

This has been communicated to the public: The Golden Age is promised to Trump and to people like him and no one else. Outside of uniformed service members keeping imaginary terrorists from striking Trump’s algae pit, Trump’s “Great American State Fair” is drawing crowds on par with RFK Jr. hosting an Ebola Natural Immunity Festival. Like the old Onion headline about ska bands, musicians onstage regularly outnumber the audience. Fox News reporters lying about attendance are lucky that the dozen people standing on a giant empty lawn behind them are mostly sympathetic viewers. One idle pan from the cameraman, and America might see that Donald Trump went to throw a party and a golf course broke out.

As is the case with much of the Trump era, Trump has erected another perfect monument to the record-setting corruption he represents. They say the rich don’t get that way by spending money, and he hasn’t. As your eyes take in fake building pedestals hovering two feet off the ground, you immediately get how, per Media Matters’ Matthew Gertz, Trump needed only a year to take home 110 times the amount that the “Biden Crime Family” earned in its entire confabulated existence. Put another way: You may not agree with what Freedom250 has to say, but you can see every dollar of the undisclosed private-sector donations, diverted funding and no-bid contract they didn’t spend on it.
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 02/07/2026
Dispatches from the Land of Make Believe have remarkably little strategic and academic utility. This wouldn't even correctly explain Nazi Germany. It's not an adult's version of Red Scare pantswetting; it's what a child growing up in it and parroting dad sounds like. Just make this kid a professor.
a black and white photo of a boy from the 1940s, in what appears to be a boy scouts uniform. he's smiling. superimposed on him are the subtitles from the audio of the screenshot. they read "'i hate reds,' he wrote"
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 23/06/2026
[never made a third of this voice]
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 21/06/2026
sometimes the description "mccoy and kincaid are determined to convict a man" tells you nothing, you pause and skip to the end to see which one this is and the preview tells you all you need to know right there
A distorted angle view of the bottom right of a TV, with the playback paused and the playhead advanced to 44 minutes in, with the streaming service (in this case, Hulu) showing a nested image preview of what's happening at 44 minutes. In this case, it's THE MAN—and three time, three time, three time FDR—Edward Herrmann, in a suit on the witness stand, eyes goggling, face red, mouth agape, seen over the shoulder of ADA Jack McCoy, to whom he's responding. Arguably the definitive absurd case of McCoy winning one by going, "Aha, demented Evangelical Christian preacher, have you considered...the literal text of THE BIBLE???" Sure thing.
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 20/06/2026
Biters...all y'all biters.
Paula Abdul's former paramour, MC Skat Kat, a sort of clenched but still smug grin, lying on his side in his blue jeans, wifebeater and suspender, leaning on his elbow, his chin on his palm, with one of those generated talk bubbles above him, suggesting he's speaking the posted text
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 19/06/2026
The lessons to draw from this war were knowable before it began, and the people who started it will remain just as impervious to learning from its aftermath.
There was never a plan for this war. There was just a bunch of meatheads, ignorant and proud of it, who said, “I bet it’ll work if you force it.” Like anyone who starts a proposition in that manner, they found out they were wrong, the hard way. Targets were chosen, strikes were planned, a couple weeks of whoop-ass ensued. But whatever happened in the Situation Room amounted to a YouTube clip that sends a dad who’s “pretty sure he knows how to cut down that tree without it falling on his house” out with a chainsaw to meet his destiny. The Strait of Hormuz: America’s Funniest Home Video
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 05/06/2026
I knew there was a reason I still had this.
the major league baseball logo redone in the silhouette image of bartolo colon's swing at the plate coming completely undone, the bat in his left hand and already completed its swing, on the left side of his body, his right hand out uselessly, the batting helmet sliding off his head
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 03/06/2026
This is how excited I was to sign up for the new Ruben Gallego Mastercard.
a sort of wall street journal "stipple photo"-like image of a washed out sketch of ruben gallego looking somber. to his left and right are, respectively, a red-tinted version of the same sketch and a blue-tinted version of the same sketch
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 02/06/2026
pam cutlets...it's like this, homegirl...oh yeah
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 01/06/2026
what's this about the pingus
Paul Newman, pinstriped and with his back to the other board members in The Hudsucker Proxy.
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jab lung @mobute.bsky.social · 27/05/2026
Most Confederates were nudists, and John Bell Hood's circumcision was a notorious source of levity. Bragg said you could always hear him coming over a ridge because his bell didn't have a hood on its clapper. Sadly, the joke fell out of use after he lost his leg at Chickamauga.
still that motherfucker shelby foote, who if he were alive today would be the president of the "please do not let me meet my most dedicated fans in front of a camera or out in the dark" club
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