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Matt Bernhard

@mbernhard.com

821 followers 497 following 402 posts

I do election stuff and security stuff, and sometimes election security stuff. mbernhard.com

Posts Replies Media

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 12/09/2026

RFND

A photograph from the Rice-Notre Dame game in the endzone

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 30/05/2026

I know it’s his name, but I will never not read headlines like these as if they came from the mouth of a snake-bitten preacher

A newspaper headline reading “Sinner’s absence leaves men’s field wide open,” referring to Jannik Sinner at the French Open.

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 07/05/2026

Aw yiss

An email indicating that I have put a deposit down on season tickets for Detroit’s new PWHL team.

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 06/04/2026

to wit,

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 06/04/2026

I HAVE BEEN WANTING THIS IN GIF FORM FOR YEARS

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 12/03/2026

I know it's just someone's name but for a basketball conference...I mean come on

A screen grab of the beginning of an MLive article that reads: "GRAND RAPIDS, MI - The OK White Conference enjoyed a solid season on the girls high school basketball circuit this winter, with two teams – GR Catholic Central and Forest Hills Northern – winning district titles."

The screen grab shows the highlighted text "The OK White Conference"

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Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 27/02/2026

Well this seems ominous

An iPhone screen widget showing a black dot in a field of purple and text that just reads “Above +33%”

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 27/10/2025

The butterfly meme with a sign that says “TO ALL PATIENTS PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH THE COMPUTERS THEY CONTAIN CONFIDENTIAL PATIENT INFORMATION.”

Asking “is this HIPAA compliance”?

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 02/08/2025

We have black swallowtail caterpillars eating our fennel and I’m not sad about it

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Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 09/05/2025

I’m at an urgent care clinic, and they have Slush Puppie machine? If that’s not a metaphor for healthcare in the US I don’t know what is

A photo of a slush puppie machine

A poster that reads “Slushy available at END of visit for GOOD behavior” (emphasis theirs)

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Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 15/04/2025

Okay I think this AI stuff has gone far enough

A photograph of an edition of “Catholic Cemetery Magazine,” a real publication that I swear I am not making up. The magazine is open to an article titled “Harnessing AI for Innovation in Cemetery Services.” The article goes on for pages about various ways Catholic cemetery managers can use AI to “enhanced their customer experience.”

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 22/03/2025

This seems like a good time for this

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 18/03/2025

www.buttersafe.com/2008/10/23/t...

A Buttersafe comic depicting a giant hellspawn saying "You should not have come here, human. Why do you cross through my domain?". A stick figure human says "I was on my way to the kitchen for a snack and I got lost". The demons says "You ended up in the twelfth plane of torment on your way to the kitchen?" And the man says "I am not a smart man."

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 12/03/2025

Outlook is a perfect product. I love not being able to read any of my emails during the work day.

An outlook error screen saying "Your message can't be displayed right now. Please check your network connection and try again later." Obviously, I'm posting this, so I have a network connection.

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 10/03/2025

Narwhals!

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 17/01/2025

Also, the writing is exquisite.

A photo of page 123’s last paragraph, which reads “In the act of creation, an artist stands at the nexus of heaven and earth and pulls the unseen into the realm of the seen. This makes the artist an active participant in the construction of the universe, incarnating artifacts of the dreaming universal mind.
The act of creation takes nerve, pluck, and audacity. I propose that all human beings, in homage to their inner divine spark, should endeavor to create art of some variety. Further, I suggest that all art should aim ludicrously high in its ambition, for a work of art whose ultimate goal is anything less than revolution is mere decoration. There is no shame, however, in settling for beauty, novelty, and truth when revolutionary aspirations fall short.”

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Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 17/01/2025

This is a delightfully weird book.

A picture of the book “Liber Indigo: the Affordances of Magic” by Justin Kirkwood

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 11/01/2025

Hotel television tuners here I come!

A photo of the box for a Flipper Zero.

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Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 11/01/2025

Just because you have to eat chicken breast doesn’t mean it has to taste bad

A picture of two blackened chicken breasts on a white cutting board, with a quartered lime in the upper right hand corner. One of the chicken breasts has a combustion Inc thermometer sticking out of it.

A picture of a bowl of food, consisting of white rice, black beans, tomatoes, guacamole, and the cut up chicken breast from the first photo.

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 09/12/2024

for reference:

A screenshot of a skeet link preview by Awful Announcing with a picture of Timothee Chalamet on College Game day. Below it, the previewed headline reads: "Scott Van Pelt blasts Timothee Chalamet's 'College Gameday", then there's a line break, after which it continues "detractors: 'How miserable are you?'"

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 27/11/2024

Ah. www.aphis.usda.gov/regulated-ga....

A quote from the USDA: “Regulated garbage includes all waste material derived whole or in part from fruits, vegetables, meats or other plant or animal (including poultry) material, and other refuse of any character that has been associated with any such material.”

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 27/11/2024

I absolutely must know what “Regulated Garbage” means

A photo of an airplane at a gate with a DO&CO food service truck pulled up to it. On the side of the truck is printed “The gourmet entertainment company”, under which the phrase “REGULATED GARBAGE” appears

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Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 27/11/2024

Data validation is hard

The news ticket in the DTW Delta lounge, showing a match between the Anaheim Ducks, a hockey team, and the Seattle Seahawks, a football team.

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 26/11/2024

Ngl I thought they were playing Idaho for a minute and was confused upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/co...

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 22/11/2024

Who decided this was a good idea

A table lamp that is vaguely flesh colored and shaped like a boob, complete with a chromed nipple that can be used to turn the lamp on or off. There is a label pointing to the nipple reading, “try me!”

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 19/11/2024

Y’all I found a happy tomato

A ripe Roma tomato with indentations on the bottom that look like a happy face

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 18/11/2024

Skippy has fallen asleep with his head propped up by the bone he refuses to put down

A rat terrier asleep with a rawhide roll in his mouth, which is preventing his head from actually resting on the couch.

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 28/10/2024

The tautology club is at it again

A screen capture of the Wikipedia article for Chappell Roan’s song “Good Luck Babe!”, which starts with the sentence “”Good Luck Babe!” received critical acclaim from music critics” (which is highlighted in the screen capture).

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Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 03/07/2024

lest we forget this classic

The album cover for John Cougar Mellencamp's 1983 album "Uh-huh", featuring an airbrushed rendering of the artist with a Bon Jovi-esque haircut and piecing blue eyes, wearing a white t-shirt, bluejeans, and what appear to be loafers, against a purple backdrop and airbrushed fairies dancing around his head. Truly, one of the album covers of all time.

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 11/05/2024

Holy crap

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Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 08/05/2024

I think I've found my favorite note at the start of a Wikipedia article

The Wikipedia page for the hip hop group Public Enemy, with a note that reads 'For technical reasons, "Public Enemy #1" redirects here. For uses of that term, see Public Enemy No. 1 (disambiguation).'

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Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 06/04/2024

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Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 24/03/2024

This record slaps

A hand holding the album jacket for Ibibio Sound Machine's 2022 release "Electricity", with a dog lying on the floor in the background.

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Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 21/12/2023

I got a new reverb pedal and I guess I'm obligated to post it here

A Strymon bluesky reverb pedal

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 24/11/2023

Same energy

Wilson from Home Improvement talking over the fence to Tim Allen

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 08/10/2023

Buster from the TV Show Arthur, with the caption "You really think someone would do that, just go on the Internet and tell lies?"

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 26/08/2023

I'm so happy I pay for YouTube TV.

A screenshot of my browser displaying the YouTube TV stream of the Detroit Lions at Carolina Panthers, which is being streamed as a full screen of the color yellow. I'm kind of at a loss to describe this, it's literally just a video stream of yellow pixels.

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 25/06/2023

Can someone explain to me how this guy always knows when I'm about to sit down, and how he times it so he barks to come in right after I do?

Berkeley, a chow/labrador/lots of other breeds mix, innocently sleeping on the couch.

Matt Bernhard @mbernhard.com · 13/06/2023

Skippy has gone full babushka mode