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Mark Agee

@markagee.bsky.social
3.9K followers 662 following 901 posts

I write stuff and jokes, sometimes for TV shows for money. I like fried pickles.

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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
I wonder if JD Vance is still an acolyte of The Vampire Oprah of Silicon Valley MAGA
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Arike Ogunbawale playoff hoops
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 11/07/2026
I’m not surprised at all. How stupid do you think I am
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
Maybe it’s just Seattle
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
If I was in the CIA I’d pitch an Iran false flag just to blow this up
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 13/06/2026
coreyryanforrester.substack.com/p/are-you-no...
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 11/06/2026
The owner inherited them, is an asshole sex-creep, could not be dislodged after five decades of incompetence, and used his money to build a surveillance state to harass anyone who complained. So yes yes you get it
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 05/06/2026
Never had better proof that I’m a latent gambling addict than how upset I am to be this robbed by the remember-some-guys roulette wheel
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 31/05/2026
We gotta reboot the 2011 Cleveland “Dallas Cavs” movement and pay it forward. The Dallas MaverKnicks
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 23/05/2026
Mark Daigneault always makes a face like he’s watching a chihuahua try to fuck a bull mastiff
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 20/05/2026
“We have acquired James Harden,,, for the playoffs”
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 08/05/2026
If it’s May then Harden’s shooting the Ides of March. You just gotta know the James Harden Calendar
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 06/05/2026
Pretending to be your own mom to tell yourself that you’re a good boy is very Norman Bates Coded except Bates ran a successful business
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 01/05/2026
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 01/05/2026
Hawks haven't been this embarrassed since they couldn't reopen Hormuz
Dennis Miller smirks
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 30/04/2026
Why is she dressed like she’s announcing to Gotham she’s about to avenge Ra’s Al Ghul
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 29/04/2026
"Your honor, in the case of Musk v. Altman, we the jury have reached a verdict:"
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 29/04/2026
An Israeli mob associate with ties to black street gangs you say
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 26/04/2026
This guy might turn out to be the rare mass shooter who's a normie resistance lib, but it's mind boggling to me the DC press can only imagine one reason to kill Trump. Their worlds are so small and boring
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 26/04/2026
Three?!! A guy is in prison for trying to kill Trump with a forklift in Nevada and that’s barely in the top three attempts just in Nevada
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 24/04/2026
Introducing 17-year-old Lithuanian models to 46-year-old businessmen ?
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 10/04/2026
Just gonna triangulate one more time real quick
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 09/04/2026
[With a voice that sounds like Starscream from Transformers gargled battery acid] "Now let's play Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal"
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 04/04/2026
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 31/03/2026
Rene Descartes? The meteorologist?
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
Most modern day news headlines are "Zamboni Salesman Says Now The Right Time to Put All Your Money in Zambonis"
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 24/03/2026
Mark Zuckerberg every night to Metaverse Mark Zuckerberg with no legs
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 19/03/2026
I’m dying. A cop really testified in court that he couldn’t be sure Afroman wasn’t fucking his wife all in a lying effort to receive zero dollars
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 15/03/2026
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 15/03/2026
My parents barely told me their names. What the fuck are y’all doing
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 12/03/2026
Making the dinner announcement at Davos
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 03/03/2026
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 26/02/2026
You can tell these AI dipshits have never had a real job because they think they’re training it to talk to customers but what it’ll learn is to complain that Brenda took a shit before her 15-minute break and not during it
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 19/02/2026
Kristi Noem's youngest kid is in his early 20s and I bet a night out with the boys is real fun right now
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 12/02/2026
And Coach Kilmer’s still alive, abandon hope
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 06/02/2026
You’re telling me ICE has a Podcasts About the NBA for The Ringer unit
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 05/02/2026
"Look, we've already had a couple dozen A.I. sex dolls come in today, best I can do is 40 bucks"
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 03/02/2026
Mavs at the trade deadline
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 29/01/2026
"Krauts in the open!"
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 28/01/2026
When Guns N' Roses slows it down to do 'Patience'
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 26/01/2026
The entire economy depends upon me doing uh this very necessary thing. I’m familiar with it
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 24/01/2026
I guess one way to recycle the defective Sig P320s is to use them as drop guns
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 17/01/2026
Sky good
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 16/01/2026
“Now that I’ve convinced you to kill yourself, consider washing those pills down with a refreshing Glacier Freeze Gatorade Zero”
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 16/01/2026
Putting a carrot on the nose of Frozen Chuck Schumer as the avatar for the resistance
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 14/01/2026
Soon, how we're dressing to do the news
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 06/01/2026
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 03/01/2026
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 02/01/2026
“Oh no guys don’t take that child’s top off”
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Mark Agee @markagee.bsky.social · 01/01/2026
Taking an-entire-Army-battalion-with-a-hangover’s dose of aspirin every morning because I want nice thin blood
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