malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 02/10/2026TCM’s been doing Kubrick lately so I had to cleanse my palate of all that prestige 000
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 30/09/2026Going back to layers and boots after 3+ months of sandals and bare thighs 000
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 27/09/2026I gotta focus. I’m shifting into all-you-can-eat Mongolian grill mode. 100
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Went to the irl Xanadu and Orson Welles wasn’t even there what a rip 000
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 14/09/2026I’m tired of earth. These people. I am tired of being caught in the tangle of their lives. 110
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 06/09/2026Trying to save $ with all the big purchases this year, but it’s also obv almost the end of patio beer weather and I’m a smart bitch with her priorities straight 000
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 01/09/2026Watched The Little Foxes last night for the first time since 7th grade when I couldn’t fill in the Hays Code blanks 000
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 29/08/2026Help I can’t get McGruff the Crime Dog’s annoyingly catchy anti-alcohol Steely Dan ripoff out of my head 000
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 24/07/2026Worth rolling the dice on a smoke headache to get a true high desert swim* in all to yourself *where it’s so hot you dry off without a towel in <20min 020
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 16/07/2026My coworkers don’t know how lucky they are that I have integrity bc otherwise this would have vanished days ago 010
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 15/07/2026I forgot about the Odyssey promotion briefly and thought Roku City was just on a PF Chang kick 000
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 04/07/2026One of the best American institutions: the middle-of-the-road hotel/motel pool We really cooked with these 010
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 04/07/2026Righteous indignation aside, I couldn’t turn down a free 3-day weekend so happy 4th from the dying mining town that was saved by a gay couple with the suggestion that it transform into a Bavarian-themed tourist village 010
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 01/07/20262:15-2:30 must be the most discouraging runtimes to see on a movie. Too long to keep tight, too short for meditation. I don’t even trust the s-tier directors with it anymore. 000
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 27/06/2026I’m planning a family trip down the coast and my mom is not listening to reason when it comes to Prehistoric Gardens, saying it’s for kids. Prehistoric Gardens is for everyone. 010
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 14/06/2026I have a free siriusxm trial rn and this Studio 54 channel is playing straight disco bangers but won’t even give them the dignity of credits:( 000
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 02/06/2026My whiteboard tag ever since undergrad has been “C4D,” or, “CHICKEN FOR DESSERT” and idk why but it’s getting left up on all the boards in the building at work 000
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 01/05/2026Scouring thrifts and overpaying for vintage goods < mining your boomer hoarder parent’s house for goods they don’t realize have crossed the vintage threshold 000
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 20/04/2026We made it boys! Personal projects @ the neighborhood bar patio season has officially begun! 010
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 12/04/2026I have never, ever been the first one to want to go home from water so every time I go to the coast with someone I need an extra trip back just to spend the 4-5 hours on the beach like my soul desires Lincoln City was gorg yesterday 110
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 06/04/2026ATTENTION: going forward all black cat owners shall be required to outfit them with little pink collars and heart charms bc look at this gorgeous baby 020
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 21/03/2026Between the bargain bigass kites and finally swapping out the nasty grapefruit seltzer it’s about to be a hot costco summer 010
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 22/01/2026I hate Windows so much y’all. This shit reads like the grow up voices in Charlie Brown, how tf am I supposed to know what any of this means? And how tf do I know if finding out is important enough to spend all day playing phone tag w tech support? 120
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 12/01/2026Ok Seattle, it’s officially Shen Yun ad barrage season—the final countdown to springtime 010
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 07/01/2026After the new world is done waiting to be born we need to get rid of these fuck ass chairs once and for all 020
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 07/01/2026I feel like logging into my student loan portal is just payment date roulette at this point. I have no idea why this is but I ain’t saying shit. 010
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 25/12/2025There is no goddamn way the ping pong movie warrants 2 1/2 hrs 000
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 20/12/2025I hate the name of these chocolate bars. If Tony has a candy empire and is still lonely that’s his problem and he should be embarrassed. 010
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 04/12/2025If I suddenly turned British I wouldn’t tell anyone, but there would be signs 000
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 03/12/2025I’m transitioning away from Spotify still (I’m trying, ok??) and gotta say it’s a bold move for a widely disdained platform to kick off their biggest day of the year by calling their listeners a bunch of old ass mfs 010
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 03/12/2025And now for something that sounds gross but actually slapped: a ham eclair 000
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 02/12/2025I demand more holiday villages + trains in Seattle. Especially trains. Freakin’ delightful. 000
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 13/11/2025Am I missing something or is “savings like it’s 1929” a strange choice on copy in this week’s Safeway ad? 010
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 26/10/2025The temptation to actually enter a Jane Fonda collection for the state fair next year grows stronger 000
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 19/10/2025Begging streaming platforms to bring back human-powered plot summaries so Fred Astaire doesn’t get cancelled for incest 75 years later 020
malaphor @malaphor.bsky.social · 15/10/2025I think Inherit the Wind might be where Dril got the inspiration for “face god and walk backwards into hell” 000
